AH hit D6
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
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The only experience I have with this is as a 6yo boy and can tell you if not dealt with it will come back when she's an adult.You sound like your doing all the right things.I dont know what makes an adult think that this behavior is exceptable. I feel for your precious six yo daughter I'm sure she is so confused. Keep up the good work mom it will make a difference
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 427
Might sound weird, but does your daughter like to play dolls or barbies? I know with young children, counselors, therapists, etc., will use that type of play to see what really happened. Maybe just sit down and play with her, and see what comes of it?
He is obviously putting these things into her head, and it is so scary and disturbing. This kind of acting out/personality change needs to be addressed asap. I am glad you were able to find a new therapist.
Maybe later today or this weekend she will be in a better state to talk to you about it. My daughter talks when its not so formal.........when we are playing or cooking or doing something other than just "sitting down to talk about it"
Good luck. This whole thing with your ex is making ME crazy! I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel right now.
Hugs.
He is obviously putting these things into her head, and it is so scary and disturbing. This kind of acting out/personality change needs to be addressed asap. I am glad you were able to find a new therapist.
Maybe later today or this weekend she will be in a better state to talk to you about it. My daughter talks when its not so formal.........when we are playing or cooking or doing something other than just "sitting down to talk about it"
Good luck. This whole thing with your ex is making ME crazy! I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel right now.
Hugs.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
When I was living with myxah, my children were 3 & 6, he was verbally abusive to them, then emotional abusive, my respond was "just ignore him, he is drunk", XAH help me raised my kids and I did not want my boys to grow up w/o a "father figure" so I stayed. What my kids learned was not to trust, not to feel and not to talk.
I justified every thing my X did by sying just ignore him, I was blessed my kids did not end up alkies or druggies but one is a codie and the other one just major social phobia and anxiety issues.
I had to learn to forgive myself and thanks to my HP and al-anon, we are all recovering, I realized my XAH is a very sick man, emotional unavailable. I know my oldest son still wants a relationship with his "dad" but my youngest does not, and that is okay with me, I am there to show my es&h, they know I love them and they know I will never stop loving them, and that I did the best I could with what I knew.
WTBH, best luck to you and your children, I feel your pain and I know you will do what is best for them and you.
I justified every thing my X did by sying just ignore him, I was blessed my kids did not end up alkies or druggies but one is a codie and the other one just major social phobia and anxiety issues.
I had to learn to forgive myself and thanks to my HP and al-anon, we are all recovering, I realized my XAH is a very sick man, emotional unavailable. I know my oldest son still wants a relationship with his "dad" but my youngest does not, and that is okay with me, I am there to show my es&h, they know I love them and they know I will never stop loving them, and that I did the best I could with what I knew.
WTBH, best luck to you and your children, I feel your pain and I know you will do what is best for them and you.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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I have begun to wonder just as justfor1 suggeted, at what point do I disappear??? I can't stop him from seeing the girls-- I have asked and asked and asked. The girls say they want to see him and I can't bear the thought of giving him ANY ammunition for the long run by playing into the "alienation" game he's surely hoping I will start.
I am sick, sicker than I have ever been over anything he's done to me, over all of this. I can't think clearly and just want to pack the girls up and run away.
I don't know how much worse he can get but I fear that the system will fail me and my kids will suffer bc of it. I've called Child Protectice Services and there's nothing they've done yet and this is call #3 to them.
And in all honesty, I think that there are few people who understand as we all do that kids reject the SAFE parent. I am so afraid that I will be viewed as the one harming them and I know in my heart AH is dying to make that happen... I don't give a $hit what others think of me but I do care about whether AH has any additional access to the girls bc they are unsafe with him.
I am sick, sicker than I have ever been over anything he's done to me, over all of this. I can't think clearly and just want to pack the girls up and run away.
I don't know how much worse he can get but I fear that the system will fail me and my kids will suffer bc of it. I've called Child Protectice Services and there's nothing they've done yet and this is call #3 to them.
And in all honesty, I think that there are few people who understand as we all do that kids reject the SAFE parent. I am so afraid that I will be viewed as the one harming them and I know in my heart AH is dying to make that happen... I don't give a $hit what others think of me but I do care about whether AH has any additional access to the girls bc they are unsafe with him.
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Call a DV shelter and get advice. Then call your lawyer and find out what the probable and worst case consequences of running would mean. If you don't have a custody order in place, there is nothing mandating his rights to the children. It's a tricky game, play smart.
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wantstobe, it's very clear that you have tried the legal way. It just isn't working like it should. It's also obvious that this situation is not the typical alcoholic and/or divorce type situation. I think the fact that you live in a small community & your ex-husband is a town "big shot" that it's making this more difficult. I don't think that moving is always the best thing to do but in this case what else is there?
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My lawyer is filing on my behalf the day the criminal charges are dismissed. To do otherwise (he says and it makes sense to me) provides AH w leverage if he wanted it to debate my behavior. My court date is April 19 so hopefully April 20 will be filing day if all goes in my favor on the 19th. AH hasn't beat me to the punch & filed which isn't surprising. He wants to play victim. The convo bw lawyers about the 50/50 custody was part of a letter bw the two about AH being a witness for the prosecution (or not). Frankly my impression of the letter from AH's lawyer is that it was awfully convenient to be discussing AH's involvement in my defense and dropping a custody request in there too- kind of a subtle "we could help WTBH out and by the way agree to shared custody".
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Frankly my impression of the letter from AH's lawyer is that it was awfully convenient to be discussing AH's involvement in my defense and dropping a custody request in there too- kind of a subtle "we could help WTBH out and by the way agree to shared custody".
Hmmmmm scumbag finds scumbag lawyer to represent him. Sheesh
You ARE holding strong. You ARE doing what is best for your girls. Am continuing to send good thoughts and prayers for you and the girls.
Love and hugs,
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That says to me, that his lawyer knew what he was going to do.
That is exactly what I thought when I read what he said in the letter. At the very least, he knows what AH DID, even if he didn't know before it happened.
That is exactly what I thought when I read what he said in the letter. At the very least, he knows what AH DID, even if he didn't know before it happened.
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AH's lawyer is- shocker - a sleaze bag, albeit powerful and successful defense atty who is superb at making the worst of the worst look less bad. He defended a cop killer a few yrs ago if that helps explain the mans scruples.
Anyway it's reassuring to know that others got the same between the lines
message from reading what I relayed as I did.
I trust and respect my lawyer and despite being a lifelong impatient person, I'm seeing very clearly why it's important that I be tolerant of the "process". I wish the divorce were my sole focus but first I have to ensure that these criminal charges are dropped and ideally that AH is charged w lying to the police to get me
arrested.
I'm looking forward to AH showing his true colors in court. The more I read on NPD the more sure I am of 2 things; 1. AH will continue to try and harm me and I can't be surprised by that fact anymore and 2. AH is nuts enough that he will surely snap and show his true character of pressed hard enough in court. My lawyer is encouraging me to let the criminal charges against me go to trial so that he can question and "shred" (my lawyers word) AH in the stand. I have to admit its tempting but I think I'd rather it go away asap vs drag it to a trial.
Oh last thing: got an email from
D6's teacher today telling me that at a girls lunch she had today for girls who earned it (D6 was one) d6 shared that her "daddy drinks alcohol a lot and is mean to me & mommy & sisters name". I hope it's safe to trust d6's teacher bc it seems to me that she is sharing info w me that she doesn't necessarily have to and you better believe I am passing all this straight on to my lawyer.
Anyway it's reassuring to know that others got the same between the lines
message from reading what I relayed as I did.
I trust and respect my lawyer and despite being a lifelong impatient person, I'm seeing very clearly why it's important that I be tolerant of the "process". I wish the divorce were my sole focus but first I have to ensure that these criminal charges are dropped and ideally that AH is charged w lying to the police to get me
arrested.
I'm looking forward to AH showing his true colors in court. The more I read on NPD the more sure I am of 2 things; 1. AH will continue to try and harm me and I can't be surprised by that fact anymore and 2. AH is nuts enough that he will surely snap and show his true character of pressed hard enough in court. My lawyer is encouraging me to let the criminal charges against me go to trial so that he can question and "shred" (my lawyers word) AH in the stand. I have to admit its tempting but I think I'd rather it go away asap vs drag it to a trial.
Oh last thing: got an email from
D6's teacher today telling me that at a girls lunch she had today for girls who earned it (D6 was one) d6 shared that her "daddy drinks alcohol a lot and is mean to me & mommy & sisters name". I hope it's safe to trust d6's teacher bc it seems to me that she is sharing info w me that she doesn't necessarily have to and you better believe I am passing all this straight on to my lawyer.
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Originally Posted by smacked 
Did you call the police?
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The fact that you are making a record of his abuses is the main thing. Even if it seems that nothing is coming of it, there is still an official record out there.
Hang in there. I know it's tough and I understand you thinking about just packing up the girls and leaving, but it's very important that you not do anything that will make you look like the vindictive one, or the crazy one, or the one lying and causing all the trouble. Things WILL get better, but it may be a while yet. Just hang in there and keep doing the right thing by you and the girls.
Hang in there. I know it's tough and I understand you thinking about just packing up the girls and leaving, but it's very important that you not do anything that will make you look like the vindictive one, or the crazy one, or the one lying and causing all the trouble. Things WILL get better, but it may be a while yet. Just hang in there and keep doing the right thing by you and the girls.
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy
No. I'm not calling the police anymore. I did call child protective services and lodged another formal complaint. So far not one damn thing has come of any of my calls to cps.
I wonder if her teacher reported that conversation to CPS? They are mandatory reporters.
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Suki- it hit me today that the most powerful thing I can do I act (& I mean act bc it sure isn't how I feel!) calm, non vindictive and most importantly not let him know that I am phased by anything he does to me. I'm not going to let him know d6 told me he hit her and I sure as hell am not sharing any of the info km getting from the school. I'm unsure whether to tell the therapist I've found for the girls bc I'm unsure what she is required to tell AH.
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