BF in 30 day inpatient
 

My boyfriend is in a 30 day inpatient program. I want to be the most supportive I can. Anyone have any ideas on what I can do to really let him know I am behind him 100%? Also any ideas on what to put in a care package for him?

I am with Anvil on this one. If you want to be supportive, tell him to leave you alone for the next 30 days and focus on himself. He's a grown man and only he can fix this in himself.

Hopeless4Now,
My RAH just returned from a 4 week inpatient program. I believe the most supportive thing I was able to do for me and for him was to attend a family program at the facility-- very intensive and very educational--to learn about the disease and how it affects not just the A, but all in his path. It also provided an opportunity to connect with the families of other A's and begin the process of our own healing.
Hope4Future

Probably cigarettes, clothes & a little cash. The money can be used for phone & vending machines (if available). Hygiene items also, as these are not always provided if one stays at a "bare bones" type state facility.

You might take advantage of the time to work on your own recovery:explore Al-Anon meetings, read everything you can about alcoholism and codependency, think deeply and carefully about who you are and what you want so that when he comes out you are as healthy and educated as possible.

The best "gift" you can give him is for you to get healthy too. Go to meetings, read about codependency and enabling.

If you both are not healthy, this relaionship will not work.

Hi Hopless4now,

I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend has entered a rehab facility and hope that he did so for his own sake.

There will probably be specific rules and regulations regarding what he can and cannot receive while he is there. He may not be able to communicate with anyone except during specific family meetings and days.

I hope you will take this time to learn all you can about addiction and recovery. It certainly helped me tremendously.

When my exbf went to rehab I did a lot of things I thought were supportive but looking back....wish I had not done them bc really it's not a reward for going, they are there to get help and health. I made it too easy, i wanted it so much. The truth is maybe tey need to feel alittle aloe, a little scared....Don't do too much...I did! Who is to know if the outome would have been different had i done things differently....i just know for my exbf i didnt help matters. Work on yourself and go to group/family sessions.

Attend al-anon. Learn about co-dependency by reading books etc. Get a counselor for yourself if that works better. Those are the things you can do that will make a positive difference in your relationship.

Go to Al-anon. It is counter productive to send letters or packages. He must walk this road alone or he won't stay sober.

give him all the tough love you can muster. No care package, no visits, no contact, it should be him 100% doing this for him, you can't help him, in any way. sorry to sound harsh but it's the truth. Best thing you can do is:


nothing.

The best thing I have done for others is take care of myself and remember who I am.

Great books: "Language of Letting go" and "Codependent no more" by Melody beatty

All the best! regardless of what others do or don't do, we can fill our own life with healing and love for ourselves.