another tough day, any advice?
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 47
another tough day, any advice?
Today is one of those days I feel super upset. I have felt so strong and resolved in my decision to seperate, for there is no future for this relationship either way. Today not so much. I remember the good times, forget the bad times and unhappiness. He told me today that I was "throwing him out like trash." That made me feel so bad! He has been so nice up until today, which I was taking as manipulation to get me back in his good graces. But as the moving out date approaches, he is lashing out, which is making me second guess myself and feel horrible. Ugh.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
Jennifer,
When I was at that point in my process I had to remind myself that I was making this decision "for now." I gave myself permission to revisit the decision in 6 months and if I was absolutely sure that I had made a grave mistake then I could always approach my exH and ask to reconcile.
I never did, but giving myself the "for now" option helped me to remember that I have choices. Oh, and another thing, I was later involved with an incredibly active alcoholic (a situation that FINALLY motivated me to enter the rooms of Alanon) who swore up, down, and sideways that we could NEVER reconcile if I left the relationship, because that would be IT. But that's the same alcoholic that still pops up every now and again, even though I've gone no contact.
Actions speak louder than words...he's telling you everything you need to know, for today.
One day at a time,
posie
When I was at that point in my process I had to remind myself that I was making this decision "for now." I gave myself permission to revisit the decision in 6 months and if I was absolutely sure that I had made a grave mistake then I could always approach my exH and ask to reconcile.
I never did, but giving myself the "for now" option helped me to remember that I have choices. Oh, and another thing, I was later involved with an incredibly active alcoholic (a situation that FINALLY motivated me to enter the rooms of Alanon) who swore up, down, and sideways that we could NEVER reconcile if I left the relationship, because that would be IT. But that's the same alcoholic that still pops up every now and again, even though I've gone no contact.
Actions speak louder than words...he's telling you everything you need to know, for today.
One day at a time,
posie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 47
The "throwing him out like trash" comment was because he is trying to make me feel guilty for telling him he had to leave. Last year when this happened, I gave him 6 weeks to find a place, which he waits until the last moment and tells me he doesn't have enough money to move. After a 6 week binge of drinking, golfing, going out to eat. So this time I said 2 weeks, because it is really hard to live together like this. Everything in this apartment is mine, I bought EVERYTHING, the bed, sofa, furniture, I buy all the groceries and household items. I was looking for my own place, then found incriminating texts on his phone, which sounded like he was pursuing another girl. Then I said "no way, I'm not leaving, you are." If I left, he would have to leave anyways, since the apartment is in my name and I would have to give 30 days notice.
I am just sad, like someone is ripping my heart out. I would rather both of us be nice and end amicably.
I am just sad, like someone is ripping my heart out. I would rather both of us be nice and end amicably.
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