mamaplus2kids

I am feeling so sad and having a hard time being alone. A few days ago, I made myself "single" on Facebook and am now regretting that decision. My exBF has since befriended a girl who looks just his type. I am going virtually crazy trying to find out if she's the one he may have been cheating with... if he was cheating at all. I realize I've become obsessive and I need to find my serenity again. Help!!

m1k3

Got to agree with Anvil. Why do you care what he is doing as long as it doesn't involve you?

You know, as soon as the divorce goes through I may have to check out this facebook stuff.

Your friend,

TakingCharge999

Block him in Facebook
It was a great step towards my serenity
I went crazy with sadness, anger and suffering wondering about XABF and his GF or GFs
But I remember he is an alcoholic, alcoholism is chronic and progressive.
I remember one or two events (or more) that show he is not a good person
This helps me realize its good he is away and I am back to focusing on my life.

A mantra that helps me is "I trust my experience"
Once I trust my experience I can't be fooled thinking others are more important than I am. What I lived is valid and not because a man has other people, it changes anything within. And even if EXs go out or marry - we have seen time and time again alcoholics in recovery love the bottle and nothing else. No one deserves a life next to someone so sick. Not your problem anymore. You know who he really is now.

No contact.

Windmills

My ex doesn't have FB but I chose to delete his sister as I didn't want to read about or see pictures of them- or for him to be able to check up on me. She was using FB to try and wind me up, it was working, so I deleted her. Problem gone. Why do you want to see what/who he's doing?

ODAT63

Why do we feel the need to torture ourselves? We don't really want them back and we know how narcissist they are...so why do we do that?

fedup3

I've asked myself that question many many times.

theuncertainty

Hugs, Mamaplus2kids. AXH was 'single' since I told him we need to work on our marriage and ourselves - way before the word divorce was ever mentioned. It hurt more than I care to remember. Then it ticked me off.

However this made me laugh: His GF has been 'in a relationship' since he moved in with her, 'single' when she kicked him out, and back 'in a relationship' a couple times. And he's remained 'single.' Thank HP it's not me any more.

Now they're both blocked and *shrug*

It took quite a bit of work getting to the *shrug* point. It took me a while to realize that I didn't HAVE to think about him. The first step was recognizing the loop. Oh, there it is again. Then being able to tell myself to STOP. Then redirecting my thoughts elsewhere - repeatedly. Thoughts of AXH - STOP - DS's school's Michaelmas event. Thoughts of AXH - STOP - Need to wash my car. and on and on.

It'll get easier. Now, I don't have to re-direct my thoughts away from my relationship with AXH. However, I do find myself having to do that with regards to DS's relationship with his father. A--hat flaked on the Rondy event with DS - STOP - DS and I got to play at Color Me Mine. AXH lost another job, no child support - STOP - it'd be a great day to go for a walk after work today. Where do I want to hike?

Florence

Heh. I block anyone that takes up negative space in my brain. I've blocked my exes, their new thang-thangs, and some old friends that were negative influences on me. The nice thing is that they don't know you've blocked them, they just can't see you anymore at all. You'll be happy you did it.

nodaybut2day

Thanks Florence...that was awesome.

suki44883

I don't even have anything for my status. It's no one's business and if I wanted them to know, I'd tell them. Of course, even though I have a facebook account, I don't do much with it other than read about my eagles and post cute animal pictures. The only reason I opened an account at all is because I wanted to join "Eagle Peeps." I'm really not much of a social butterfly.

marie1960

SO......... If I read it on Facebook, I am supposed to believe it is the truth????????

This whole social media is filled with a whole bunch of self centered, shallow individuals who actually think I give a hoot that they are at Starbucks........ seriously, that is supposed to be newsworthy????

I will never understand why people feel the need to share some of their most intimate and private moments...... I keep in close contact with friends and family, I do not need social media to share my business. I have always thought if you put in out there, I would be setting myself up for additional chaos.

There needs to be a disclaimer on FB stating, " FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.'

choublak

"I just took a poop, let me go post about it on Facebook!"

fourmaggie

Why do we feel the need to torture ourselves? We don't really want them back and we know how narcissist they are...so why do we do that?

I've asked myself that question many many times

self esteem/co dependency issues....

have you read the book from MELODY BEATTIE "co dependency no more"...its a good read...

inpieces314

My block list on facebook is almost as long as my friends list. A shame, since I have over 500 friends. But the way I see it is I should feel safe when I am online. People who do not make me feel safe should not be able to see me on facebook, period. I put no personal information, no pictures, nothing, and I am paranoid as hell about people coming after me. So if it is someone who I know, you best believe I am going to block them. I shouldn't have to suffer (I play the games) by not going on facebook because my ex and all of his loser friends want to play with my life. They don't deserve to know what I am doing.

wicked

good question anvilhead.

and mike,

noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

if you join, then i will join the doomsday preppers.

mamaplus2kids

I was mad... wanted to get back at him. I ended up hurting myself. I think I'm the one with the problem... not him.

mamaplus2kids

I am done with my behavior, my obsession, my inability to enjoy life, my bad feelings and thoughts...

Before this break-up, I had the security of being "in a relationship" and this gave me the courage to focus on me. I trusted him. Since the breakup, I see that he is too busy to chase women. To this day, he says he hasn't touched another woman, and I actually believe him. He does have a lot of work.

I do believe, however, that he has become addicted to his work. Perhaps, he has transferred whatever addictions he had to his job.

He has said: "I couldn't make you happy before. Now, I have to focus on my work and career and have no time for a relationship."

Now, that I see him working and productive, I see that he is changing for the better and want him back.

I regret blaming him for my unhappiness... I was unable to be alone... I had abandonment issues... I needed constant affirmation... yes, he wasn't good at expressing his feelings and this made me insecure. Yes, he lacked the motivation and ambition before, but he has changed and has become way more attractive. Perhaps, it's just a timing thing... I have to let time go by... see how we both end up... move on... and hope that in a year there is still love there... scary thought.

The fact is: I still think he's worth fighting for... as much of our relationship problems were caused by me.

mamaplus2kids

Thank you anvilhead! I know you're right in theory and I've felt that happiness of being alone before this relationship began. As I fell in love with him nearly six years ago, I felt myself lose that "love of self." I wish there was a magic pill that could bring me back to that state.

By the way, tonight, I went out. I danced and chatted up a few men. I got some attention and it felt good. One man even walked me back to my car, and I wouldn't mind if I ran into him again tomorrow. So... you are right about the many fish in the sea... I am not ready to act on something like that... but it's nice to see that I can still attract them.

TakingCharge999

Hi mama!
I recently went back to the office and back to overhearing EX and starting to obsess again. It has been 3 years! The need for suffering goes way back, I know I have deep issues... I am going back to therapy to see why others laughs make me feel menaced or as if I am failing in life when others are "out there enjoying it to the fullest". Comparing outsides to insides is very unfair as someone said here in SR... let's stop doing it.. yup it only takes our will... we are that powerful.

bailey17

facebook is evil and the death of no contact. I had to immediately make myself single and block him. I couldn't see anything he was doing, we have 110 mutual friends so anything he wrote or any pictures he was in, it would pop up through a mutual friend unless i blocked him entirely.

every time you are about to go to facebook.com, go to soberrecovery.com instead. thats what i did. i would get the itch to go to facebook, and forced myself to type in this web address instead. then i'd get lost on here for a while, and it gave me the strength to not want to look at his facebook at all.

block him. tell yourself you might not block him forever, but you will block him right now. it will help i promise. just let some time pass where you absolutely cannot look at his facebook.