TakingCharge999

And now I go without sleep in the nights worried about money LOL (I got enough saved for more than a year... ) and thinking I was crazy, dreading all the other jobs I have seen posted so far, noticing they pay 1/5th if lucky and feeling I will die of starvation along with the cats. It has not helped that I am in a holiday in my studies so I feel I got nothing.

This is normal with major changes I guess but now I am in panic mode... going "my job was not so bad"

Sheeesh.. the lies we tell ourselves...

TakingCharge999

My inner voice is going "focus on just leaving this job, regaining your health back"

I guess I am used to the high stress and chaos and now that I am STARTING to feel relaxed its unusual and I am afraid...

wicked

Hang in there TC.
I am so very proud of you, going after your dreams.
You have changed so much since I came here to SR.
It is truly a transformation.
You can do this. I know it.

Beth

TakingCharge999

PS Hollyane I was not fired per se but given some feedback from direct supervisors that made my reputation go down the drain... one of the reasons because I refused to apologize because I slept one night and I did not hear an alarm going on at 5 AM in Beijing. So I do not feel I am leaving in good terms.

Then a couple of my team coworkers have been really nice, one of them (who also happens to have 20 years of AA/NA under his belt) called me the other night and told me I did a great job and not let petty tyrants ruin anything.. he was so supportive I cried!! so as you see I am a mess these days... lack of sleep is not helping

Even when HP has provided for me all this time I still have trust issues.. humm.. now I see my trust issues not only involve "romantic" affairs but also trusting myself and Life...

I am not ACOA but got huge abandonment issues.. it does not come naturally for me to feel Life is supporting me.. kind of being used to being kicked in the a$$ !

Unfortunately the therapist board I was planning to see are on holidays so I will have to deal with my madness by myself...

I have seen some friends and they tell me I am smart and resourceful and for some reason I don't believe it..

Thanks for letting me share in a safe place

wanttobehealthy

You are very brave and you're doing what is best for you. It's impossible to know what the future will hold but when I have taken leaps of faith (like passing up a stable job and waiting for something that I wanted even when I was unemployed last Spring/Summer) they have always always worked out for the best.

Your boss sounds like a class A a$$hole who was happy to take and take and take and when you requested a reasonable accomodation suddenly couldn't give anything in return. Not unlike being in a r/s with an A actually.

Sending positive thoughts your way!

xoxo

TakingCharge999

PS My mom called me yesterday saying she might be able to buy a small apartment in my city so I can move there and pay her some rent... she wants to help.. and I see it as a PROBLEM ... so here I notice another thing, how I take good news as issues..

MsPINKAcres

OK - You are resourceful & intelligent enough to have saved for more than a YEAR??

That's some pretty smart planning my friend!

Breathe, Just Breathe ~ remember your HP has not brought you this far to just dump you & leave you!

You are not without resources ~ YOU are WOMAN hear you ROAR! lol

PINK HUGS,
Rita

TakingCharge999

A few days to go..
I am even enjoying them.

I was given a exit survey...

God, please help me be candid, and not too honest, in case I ever need to come back here.

wicked

Thank you TakingCharge.

Beth

TakingCharge999

The abusive "manager"? He was very dismissive to me at a call today.. you can see his rejection/disapproval right away. It caused me some pain but I realized it is from my ego, my real self is something different and I thought "just be glad you will be away soon"

I was going to thank everyone in the call but I prefer to thank the people that DO value me instead. Some peers have been very supportive and everyone congratulates me and is glad for me LOL. They will "announce" my leaving officially in an hour..

I will try to hide my happiness
OMG it is so surreal I am so thankful for your support right now.

TakingCharge999

This abusive man..

He has bronchitis, pneumonia and strep throat ALL at the same time! (KARMA!) ..and he is STILL working. A workaholic and I am glad I will no longer be in this inhumane environment...

They even told me my voice sounds different lol

Magichappens

Good for you TC! If you are being moved to leave, then it is time. I think that it is very courageous of you to put yourself out there and see what happens. I know good things will happen for someone as industrious and intelligent as you! Magic

TakingCharge999

The new HR director (who also happens to be a great friend) asked me to take pictures of her son's 3rd birthday. So I already have my first paid "creative" work booked next Friday without even looking.

Now I have to order some business cards and perhaps I can get to photograph other events (one has to start somewhere!)


I will get some money AND cake!

TakingCharge999

I just informed my dad about my leaving the company...
I know he will start worrying and think its a bad choice.

Another training on not acting upon other people's fears or beliefs..
More so he has NO IDEA of how it has been like for me...

wicked

Please enjoy a piece of cake for me.
Money and cake. That is delightful for you!
Yay!

Beth

lillamy

You. Will. Be. Fine.
Because that's who you are.
You'll make it work.
And you're right -- you can be a hippie that bathes. It's amazing how much you can cut corners financially when you have to.

And go for your dream. You won't regret it. If you change your mind, and that abusive workplace won't hire you back, there are PLENTY of abusive workplaces!

Your energy and drive and joy is so inspiring -- just take a deep breath and actively CHOOSE to not worry!!!

Live

I read this morning but did not have time to respond.

I am utterly delighted for you!!!!

We in the USA get mad that our companies export our work to other nations for less expensive labor and benefits but few of us realize how badly those people are treated.
I had no idea until I lived in South America for that stint and became friends with a couple and he held a position very similar to yours. And he was a man, we both know women are treated as second class citizens in much of that culture.
Jobs are really hard to come by even in the states right now and we are putting up with corporations getting rid of our benefits, demanding more......evenso, someone with your experience, intelligence and totally class act would not put up with the abuse. We are becoming workaholics but we also expect to benefit for it.
Some people are going to read this and completely disagree with me on my assessment..not of your choice but of the jobs situation. Before you do that, let me ask you if you have witnessed the working conditions in these countries.????

Shame on those companies!!! I mean that from the bottom of my heart!

I am so glad that you have set yourself up to remove yourself from that denigrating and toxic work atmosphere!!

You, TC, I have all the faith in the world in!!!
You may not see me here, but you can bet I will continue to follow your amazing story, you all ready have burst out of the cocoon and ARE that beautiful butterfly. You have been for quite some time now. It has been a joy to watch you flutter amongst the full garden of choices, it will be my privilege to see which you find to be sweetest, which you choose for a season and which you chose too keep and those that you discard.
Joyful hugs to you, my dear friend!!!

TakingCharge999

OMG I went through the whole thread and all of you are amazing!
Grateful for counting all of you as "spiritual family"!

LIVE... your post made me cry... well not CRY but I had some tears...

You knew me at my worst and never ceased to share your courage and compassion with me.. you (and many others in SR) have helped me heal and wake up to what life is really about.

Recovery feels like waking up from a nightmare and for that I am SO grateful tonight

Hollyanne

Hi TC,
Just following up on your final countdown.
I honestly think it is pure madness keeps us in these situations!
How long are those last few days!!!!
I certainly hadn't that much saved up!
GOOD GOD, I would be out the door laughing and skipping girl!

I guarantee you, you will not think of work once you are gone.
Only, to question why you didn't do so sooner.
Hugs,
Anne
ps, don't be thinking you may have to return. You won't.
And Mr pneumo strepface will probably have high blood pressure and irritable bowel in a couple of more years.

fourmaggie

LMAO...good come back....*sighs, JERKS* now they try to dictate when you LEAVE?!..lol