Carol Star

There are stages of grief; anger, denial, bargaining, acceptance- I am missing one.....you flip back and forth for awhile until you get to acceptance and stay there hopefully. You can't rush it- and it is different for everyone. I needed outside help for awhile. This too shall pass. Higher power knows why- His will for us. Oh the 5th one- depression ! Time helps.....It helped me to stay mad. I wrote down all the BAD stuff and when I missed him I pulled out my list that were dealbreakers. The brain can't do mad and sad. Stay MAD. He slept with someone else. He put me down. He criticized -, -, and-. He hid money. He grew pot in the closet. He used me. He flirted with -,-,and-. He blamed me for-,-,-. He's a drunk. He's a drug addict.

justrae83

To answer everyones questions...yes i started seeing a theripist 2 weeks ago, i have only gone to 2 sessions, tomorrow is my 3rd. I know in 2 sessions is not gonna cure me but i came to relize that i do have deeper issues then just the addiction. I cant be alone and i settle for less then i deserve beucase i think that is all that i can get. I dont even like being alone in a room by myself, let alone....alone with no person in my life. I know this is gonna take some time and working through NO CONTACT and my abadonmint issues will have to be resolved. I KNOW that he is not the "the one" for me. But i still keep wanting him to want me...sigh. This sucks ha ha

gerryP

Justrae you are half way there knowing where your issues are coming from. You have insight. Keep working with the therapist on this and it will take some time. It might be much longer than you think, but it will be so well worth it. You are only 29, but you are 29. Don't you think,... actually let me say that I think you are worth more than you are accepting now. For you to believe that, you will need to keep up with therapy. It's entirely in your hands Justrae. You control this outcome. Try to feel some excitement for this this path you are on. To finally begin the work to leave your baggage behind. Good luck with it Justrae.

TakingCharge999

justrae I have gone through this. . to me it took a long time... and HUNDREDS of posts! I hope you get out sooner but you have to go through this process. That is the thing with addiction.. you obsess.. you feel there is nothing else.. but these feelings subside with time, they are not true, you CAN go on without this person.

I will be back to therapy as well and by now I feel my abandonment issues are so HUGE that I will be working on them for years if not for life.

I am sorry you are going through this but you will be stronger/wiser when it ends! there are many great things to look forward to in life!! hang in there.

TakingCharge999

PS Hundreds.. I meant thousands LOL... you can do this..

Hollyanne

Freedom made me laugh out loud! BS Pure!
You are so young!!!!!!
Stop it! I am way older than you and I am NOT OLD!
Great advice above.
Read your own posts.
You must take time for yourself.
I think women are more prone to the age thing and settling because of our stupid "body-clocks", but for God sake! You are a baby!!!
Take care Rae, and listen to your dad.

Carol Star

Bancroft Lundy book helped me, and Women Who Love Too Much, and Codependent No More books.........and like I said time......

Carol Star

Where's that mad/bad list ? I kept mine with me and everytime I "pined" for him I read it......

dale6667

Since my xba has been gone to rehab I have decided to end the relationship. The thing is I never got to say what I really feel, how he hurt me, the embarrassment he caused me etc. I want to write a letter to tell him how I feel to end it. I know ala-non teaches you to just stay away from the whole thing but there are days I feel so angry and confused.
Should I write the letter.

m1k3

Yes, write the letter. No, don't send it. Do it for yourself, pour your heart out and get it out of your system. Put it away someplace and the next time you feel any pity, sorrow, compassion, need for your x dig it out and reread it.

Your friend,

dale6667

Thanks Mike I thought I would do that I just feel there is no closure after three years. I guess the closure is within myself.

Carol Star

Write the letter....put it in a God box and read it in a year.......give it to God

Carol Star

I finally got to the place of not wanting contact because I knew it would hurt me......me.......I mattered.....