update
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ny/nj
Posts: 182
I feel so badly for all of your troubles. I do believe that you can file for UE if fired. It just may take a little longer. Maybe this is a sign from the Universe that it is time to move on and away. I know you cannot magically pick up and leave in the midst of legal charges, but a domestic violence shelter might actually be a good option for you and your children.
When you are free to leave the area, you should consider going somewhere that the truly crazy person who initiated this cannot ever find you.
Good luck.
When you are free to leave the area, you should consider going somewhere that the truly crazy person who initiated this cannot ever find you.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I really am so sad that things are so tough. but i think that the idea of getting away from him, and getting your precious girls away from him, forever if possible, is a good idea. they surely dont need that sick twisted ba$@^%# in their lives, as he does not care what this is doing to them, as well as to you.
prayers for a positive outcome tomorrow.
chicory
prayers for a positive outcome tomorrow.
chicory
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
in my state, you can file if you have been fired, tho they want to know if it was an unfair firing. i would think you qualify as being unfairly let go, not due to performance issues.
if you quit, you cannot file. unless you have a case against your employer for maltreatment.
if you quit, you cannot file. unless you have a case against your employer for maltreatment.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Thank you chicory.
I hope that is correct, (I think it is in Michigan too).
Without a conviction, I think their case is pretty weak.....
But, I will have my head down tomorrow at 8:30 am, sending good vibes for you.
Oh, we judged you, and found you, innocent!
I hope that is correct, (I think it is in Michigan too).
Without a conviction, I think their case is pretty weak.....
But, I will have my head down tomorrow at 8:30 am, sending good vibes for you.
Oh, we judged you, and found you, innocent!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I'd love to get the girls away from ah forever but I don't get to
decide that unfortunately. That's for the court
Im in an at will employment state and thus people can be let go for any reason at any time. Theres a question for unemployment that asks essentially if you did something morally corrupt that contributed to losing your job and apparently in teaching an arrest can fall under that. The keyword is can. Not that it automatically does but I think I'm more screwed as a teacher being arrested than I would be if I were a data entry person. Evidently I'm not a good role model anymore bc AH is a psycho who gets cops to believe his insane antics. So much for innocent til proven guilty. The killer is that this was made into an article - that never happens except for major crime stories so someone obviously was behind this.
decide that unfortunately. That's for the court
Im in an at will employment state and thus people can be let go for any reason at any time. Theres a question for unemployment that asks essentially if you did something morally corrupt that contributed to losing your job and apparently in teaching an arrest can fall under that. The keyword is can. Not that it automatically does but I think I'm more screwed as a teacher being arrested than I would be if I were a data entry person. Evidently I'm not a good role model anymore bc AH is a psycho who gets cops to believe his insane antics. So much for innocent til proven guilty. The killer is that this was made into an article - that never happens except for major crime stories so someone obviously was behind this.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hillsborough, NJ
Posts: 267
Does your state have a Pre-Trial Intervention Program?
You may want to ask your attorney about that...
And, down the road you may be able to get your records expunged...
Unfortunately, the school has to look into something like this, regardless of the fact that this situation was an anomaly in your life...
I am so sorry you're going through all of this..
Hopefully, the people on the school board have enough common sense
not to believe everything they read in the paper...
Stay strong...
I would LOVE to see you come out ahead in all of this..
Best wishes,
Diva 76
You may want to ask your attorney about that...
And, down the road you may be able to get your records expunged...
Unfortunately, the school has to look into something like this, regardless of the fact that this situation was an anomaly in your life...
I am so sorry you're going through all of this..
Hopefully, the people on the school board have enough common sense
not to believe everything they read in the paper...
Stay strong...
I would LOVE to see you come out ahead in all of this..
Best wishes,
Diva 76
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
Wow. I would think that moving is the best and possibly the only option. I hope your husband isn't still going to get visits with your daughters. A lot of sociopaths have high IQ's & describes your husband. He is successful on the outside, smart, witty ect... He probably has his side of the family fooled. But the bottom line is he's very dangerous. Out of all the threads that I've come across, this situation scares me the most. The gun idea was good if you take classes to learn how to shoot/store the gun. Maybe get a big attack dog (some can be good with kids) or home alarm system to protect yourself?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Up and onwards... :)
Posts: 274
Positive vibes going your way right now from Canada!!! CRIPES girl! This totally blows. Your AH... he seems like a psychopath to me... absolutely no remorse for his actions and is intentionally doing things to f*ck you over (physcially, mentally and spiritually). That's not love... that's PSYCHO!!
Here's to a successful meeting... to maintaining your job in good standing and for you to keep your head raised high and proud - as Ann said earlier "When we can stand in our own truth, even when we stand alone, we will find the courage to face whatever life hands us." - very powerful... but know you are not standing alone... that there are so many of us here in spirit with you k?
HUGE freaking hugs to you, :ghug3
Here's to a successful meeting... to maintaining your job in good standing and for you to keep your head raised high and proud - as Ann said earlier "When we can stand in our own truth, even when we stand alone, we will find the courage to face whatever life hands us." - very powerful... but know you are not standing alone... that there are so many of us here in spirit with you k?
HUGE freaking hugs to you, :ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I spoke preemptively to a few friends last night- moms of kids my girls are friends with- & figured it was best of I share that there's an article before they see it. Long story short there are people in my life who aren't fooled by ah and I'm glad I'm just facing the music and not being so ashamed of the arrest that Im not talking about it. Sometimes dreading what people might think is worse than just talking openly and I'm realizing that being humble and open about what's occurred is actually resulting in more support than I could've imagined. Ah might think he's screwing me and he is in man ways but his facade is being exposed bc of this in ways he and I never expected. Heading on in now to meet w my boss's boss. Wish me luck
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
WTBH, I can't believe this has gotten so far, and yet I can. I've shared some of my custody nightmares regarding my XNPD and your ex sounds remarkably similar in intent. After I finally left him, the abuse really began. There was emotional and some physical abuse, and he stalked me for months -- at the time, I don't know what I was thinking, but I never called the cops or got a restraining order. The only record of police intervention is when he called the police on me. I had slapped him across the face, the one time I ever touched him in anger, after he accused me of sleeping with my best friend, and that on the heels of spreading ridiculous gossip about me to friends and family accusing me of drug abuse and sleeping around when nothing could have been further from the truth. Nothing ever came of his complaint -- the police have never taken him seriously, thank god -- but it's what he used against me for years to come. I'm not scared of him anymore, but his lies about me persist. He continues to paint me as a terrible, irresponsible mother and a thorn in *his* side. Later, he applied for and got a job IN MY OFFICE (old job, not current) while trying to sue me for custody. It was the most insidious, abusive thing I could ever imagine him doing. I lived that way for two years, afraid of choosing my own sanity over a guaranteed paycheck.
You, luckily, have an official RECORD of his abusive behavior. You have people that believe you. You have also been wise enough to lawyer up. I don't know what to say to you about losing your job, but I can say that as a former teacher, there is life after teaching. Your skills are extremely marketable. If you can move, DO IT. If there was one thing I could have done for myself and our child, I would go back and do whatever was necessary in the court system to move away. I didn't, and my child pays for it. I also paid for it, by living in fear of whatever antics he had next. Have you ever heard of "narcissistic rage" and "narcissistic injury"?
I don't tell you any of this to scare you, but that I recognize in your stories the fear and confusion that I felt with my ex. My fear is that his intense focus on you is one that won't be abated by a court decision or a restraining order (obviously). He's extremely invested in seeing you suffer, regardless of what that means for his children and his relationship with them. Your girls cannot grow up thinking this is normal behavior -- my son did and he's a classic codependent mess at 12 years old.
You, luckily, have an official RECORD of his abusive behavior. You have people that believe you. You have also been wise enough to lawyer up. I don't know what to say to you about losing your job, but I can say that as a former teacher, there is life after teaching. Your skills are extremely marketable. If you can move, DO IT. If there was one thing I could have done for myself and our child, I would go back and do whatever was necessary in the court system to move away. I didn't, and my child pays for it. I also paid for it, by living in fear of whatever antics he had next. Have you ever heard of "narcissistic rage" and "narcissistic injury"?
I don't tell you any of this to scare you, but that I recognize in your stories the fear and confusion that I felt with my ex. My fear is that his intense focus on you is one that won't be abated by a court decision or a restraining order (obviously). He's extremely invested in seeing you suffer, regardless of what that means for his children and his relationship with them. Your girls cannot grow up thinking this is normal behavior -- my son did and he's a classic codependent mess at 12 years old.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Sometimes dreading what people might think is worse than just talking openly and I'm realizing that being humble and open about what's occurred is actually resulting in more support than I could've imagined. Ah might think he's screwing me and he is in man ways but his facade is being exposed bc of this in ways he and I never expected. Heading on in now to meet w my boss's boss. Wish me luck
Oh, WTBH, you will be fine. No matter what happens.
And good luck anyway.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
This situation is so, so sad on so many levels. My heart goes out for you and your children.
I think you'll be fine, despite these very difficult times. You seem to be very strong, and resourceful.
You have a lot of people here in your corner.
I think you'll be fine, despite these very difficult times. You seem to be very strong, and resourceful.
You have a lot of people here in your corner.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Sometimes dreading what people might think is worse than just talking openly and I'm realizing that being humble and open about what's occurred is actually resulting in more support than I could've imagined. Ah might think he's screwing me and he is in man ways but his facade is being exposed bc of this in ways he and I never expected. Heading on in now to meet w my boss's boss. Wish me luck
IME, the people around me are really wary of "choosing sides" because of these relationship narratives that it takes two to tango and there are two sides to every story. When others hem and haw about it, I point out that yes, there are two sides to every story, but only one of them includes physical and emotional abuse, stalking, hyper-litigiousness, paranoia, a weird obsession with guns and weaponry, and rage, and it's not mine.
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