LoveAllGone

This has been a hard battle for me as well and I feel like a complete and utter idiot for feeling the way I feel sometimes. It's like a battle between my heart and my mind, knowing what's right in my mind and going through with it but my heart continues to bleed nothing but love for him. And I KNOW he's no good for me, it will never be any different, and I have to let this go...but it's those little moments when things were "wonderful" that sends me back and my heart cries out for him.

I have changed my phone number and don't have contact with him any longer except to let his son talk to him on the house phone once a day but when we did have each other's cell numbers we texted alot and I started saving the text messages from him during all the times he would promise to quit, he was going to rehab, he couldn't do this without us, and all the same bs he spurted out every single time that I in turn would fall for and let him come home only to have it last a few wks or so and then we'd start all over. I have almost 400 text messages saved on my phone between us and when I start to get that "not so easy" feeling--I read them to remind myself of how many times we've gone through this before and how I don't want to keep watching the same movie play over and over with no happy ending. I want my sanity back, I want my life back, I want my son to have the great childhood he deserves, and I just want to find ME again!!!

Another thing I also find helpful is to sit down and type or write out all those hurtful feelings or everything it is that you want to say to him just to get it off your chest and then set it on fire, shred it, or just ball it up and throw it away. I do this and although I never send it or ever give it to him, it helps me feel better by just getting it off my chest.

littlemutt

Ah, yes, the craving. I've been fighting it for a couple of weeks now, and I know exactly what you're talking about. Our relationship was something that is absolutely unacceptable to keep in my life... and yet, I sometimes imagine myself showing up at his doorstep. For what? I don't want to get back together, I don't even really want to know what he's doing because it's either drinking or doing the things he was incapable of while we were together. Either way it's going to hurt me.

One of the most helpful "quick fix" things I've done is to make a list of all the things he did that I upset, hurt, shocked, embarrassed, or disgusted me. It's not a short list, and sometimes I add a new thing or two, because that list could go on and on and on. Usually reading through it (especially the things that made me angry) is enough to be my "fed up" juice running and put me back in the mindset where I was so worked up and ready to leave. Maybe not great for the long-term peace to dwell on it too long, but it's been monumental in the detox. I also made a list of things I could do instead of contact him, since sometimes it's hard to remember that there are alternatives when the craving strikes.

My more long-term fix has been to ask myself, what do I want to get out of contacting him? I generally realize that what I really want is just not possible, or at least is not going to come from him, or is going to bring with it too much baggage. Also, then I'd have to start detox over. One day at a time.

NYCDoglvr

It was when I put the focus on me instead of the alcoholic. There's a saying: "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" I learned that that what I called love was really need. That I'm responsible for my own life, my own peace of mind. I can stay with an abusive, sick as*hole and deal with the consequences -- being frightened, miserable and angry. Or, I can leave (always scary) and start working on my own issues. The second route is uncertain. I learned talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words.

nodaybut2day

This is the time where you give yourself permission to do all sorts of nice things for yourself. My relationship ended 15 days ago, and so far, I've consummed large amounts of chocolate and popcorn, I've watched an entire season of Supernatural, I've read an e-book, had a facial/manicure, taking long baths, indulged in some retail therapy, had a bunch of cry sessions with good friends over coffee, and written about all this in my journal ad nauseum...It's a game of distract thyself. Every morning you wake up and take note that you feel a tiny bit better.

And like littlemut, I ask myself, when I get really desperate to talk to my ex, what the point would be...our relationship ended for a reason: we were at an impasse and that impasse still exists, whether there is love there or not. I can't change that so I might as well focus my energy on taking care of myself.

Hope you're doing a tiny bit better today.

Cyranoak

It's Sunday. Don't do it. You're almost there and you can handle anything for at least one day.

You can do it! Unless, of course, you already cracked.

C-

CXR

There is some excellent advice here. You know what the "healthy" thing to do is. You know what the "right" thing to do is -- and doing the next right thing in front of you is a step toward you getting better, getting healthy, and living your life. That said, what you do is up to you. Read all the advice here. I don't know if any of it will "make you" not do it.

So, here is the end game -- if you don't do it, great, congratulations. If you do it . . . well, you will eventually experience enough pain that it will bring about change. It will almost "force" a change -- why? Because you will hit your rock bottom . . . and that will bring about change in you.

Changed attitudes aid recovery . . . you change your attitude and will aid in your recovery. Good luck and all the best.

ODAT63

It has been 2 years since separation and over a year since last saw xah, this past week I've dreaming about him EVERY single night! WTF with that?? So I am craving and planning how to see him, he moved an hour away but I know I can find him at the gym and aa meetings...it is so f***ing frustrating. No contact for a year and still he lives in my head!!

choublak

Substitute the craving with learning something new.