Talltrees

One thing I've realized since getting away from the family I grew up in and starting my own, is that my time spent with them has made me a terrible judge of what is acceptable behavior and what is considered problematic. Both my parents were/are alcoholics, my older brother was a drug dealer from a very young age and eventually fell into his own string of addictions, and yet it didn't occur to me until very recently that their behavior was not normal, and that they were real live addicts. It gets clearer and clearer with time, especially as I see it worsening for each of them, and now with my younger brother drinking the way my parents do, and passing out in public. Now, I can't believe I didn't see it in my prior years. It makes me question myself a lot now. And when I see people who drink a lot, I always wonder if they are alcoholics.

How do you know if someone is an alcoholic? Maybe it is obvious to most people, but to me it isn't. Some people can go to work and do their job successfully, then come home and get hammered every night and every weekend, then go right back to work sober on Monday and do it all over again. In my opinion, I'm not sure I would consider this irresponsible. So what's the determining factor? My husband really likes good scotch and can drink a lot of it some nights, then when work gets busy for him, he will stop for weeks at a time and doesn't seem to think or care about alcohol. (By no means do I believe that he is an alcoholic, but I've heard of some people who do this being described as alcoholics). Then there are people who drink four months out of the year and then quit for the next eight, and some of them are considered alcoholics. Wtf. So my thinking is, if you can stop for that long, how can you be an alcoholic? What am I missing?

Has anyone else had clarity issues about this?

Pelican

The difference is in how their body processes/metabolizes the alcohol.

Reading the book "Under the Influence" helped me understand addiction better. Here is a link to a sticky post that contains excerpts from the book:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Cyranoak

...it doesn't matter if they are an alcoholic or not. It doesn't matter one bit-- it's just a label. What matters is if somebody else's drinking is creating problems for you, and then figuring out how to appropriately handle it without contributing to the problem.

Also, nobody comes here who isn't being affected by alcohol in one way or another past or present (parent, sibling, spouse, lover, partner, co-worker, child, etc.). Everybody here has had, or is experiencing today, problems related to somebody else's drinking. Including you.

Alanon, counseling, or both can help you with yours.

Take care,

Cyranoak

ODAT63

is called "binge" my XAH is a binge alcoholic. He used to work overseas as a surveyor, work for months without drinking then during his time off get totally wasted, he is a funcional alkie.

wicked

I am an alcoholic, and I agree with Cyranoak and Pelican.

Alcoholics can and do go months without it, but when they start, they cannot stop.
Continue drinking even when the consequences start to get costly, personally and professionally.

And I think you don't see alcoholics everywhere, because that was your normal growing up.

Beth

PS
Please do not drink. The odds are against you being a normal drinker.

choublak

If it were obvious to most people, this subforum wouldn't exist...

tiredoftryin

I attended Al-Anon meetings for quite awhile but then I started feeling guilty because I did not have a professional telling me that my A was an Alcoholic. So I called the AA Intergroup and asked if I was able to go to meetings when no one has diagnosed the person I was concened with as an Alcoholic. The recovering Alcoholic on the other end of the phone said if his drinking bothers you, you can go to Al-anon. I felt better at that point about going to Al-anon.

Thankyou, Choublak, you are so right.
tired

Talltrees

Thank you for the responses. I've been thinking about it

There are a couple reasons that I ask (and I am too new here to even know if such a late reply will be noticed). When something my mom says or does upsets me, I think to myself It is because SHE needs help for her problem, and it is comforting and reassures me that I don't deserve what she does to me. But sometimes I really can't help thinking that maybe I exaggerate the issues, or am too easily bothered, and that I need to fix my problem before it rubs off on my children.

My other reason is a little strange. I never trust my own judgement, so I am very curious as to what SR will say about this. I was presribed Percoset 19 months ago when my son was born, because of severe tearing. I still have the same bottle, 20 pills, no refills, and after I had my second son almost right after (they are 11 and 1/2 months apart) I discovered my cycles were a little more painful than I remembered and are accompanied by a migrain. So I take one Percoset (a half-dose) on day 1, every month. It takes care of the problem, and I LOVE it. I love how that one pill makes me feel for the next four or five hours. I feel so warm and tingly and happy. I love taking my kids to the mall playground and watching my older son play, shopping, talking to strangers who ask about them and want to see them. I don't see this as a problem, because these are all things I normally do most days. I just enjoy it a lot more when I take that Percoset. But I know the odds are against me, because there are only a few people who stick out in my family as non-addicts, and I have been one of them. I have four pills left I think. I've never taken more than one at a time once a month. I have thought about it and sort of wanted to, but what stops me is the thought that it's something my mom would do. Using substances you don't need, "just for fun." But I guess I'm already doing that. I tell myself I need it, and I think I do. The part that bothers me is that I'm GLAD I need it and I look forward to that day every month. I told my husband about it, because it would bother me to keep something like this a secret. He didn't think anything of it. I wouldn't say I'm worried, but it does make me think about how all the addicts in my family got where they are, and if it started with something like this.

Do you see this as a problem?

Tuffgirl

I am laughing at your tag line! That's awesome!

Do YOU see it as a problem?

I have a script for Lorazepam. I only take when absolutely needed, but it has little effect on me but make me sleepy and lower my blood pressure.

I still drink, which I actually quite enjoy. But I don't drink to get drunk. And if I had to stop completely, I would miss my fancy microbrews but not devastated by it.

I think its more about what Cyranoak, Pelican and Wicked say.