Thumper

Who cares what he has admitted to or realizes. This is no longer about him. This is you and your kids.

Focus on that. Focus on yourself. Make actual plans and take actual steps to get that work done. It is easy to stall out after you come to the realization that you have work to do. Don't let that stalling out happen.

You don't have to list the steps from start to finish. You don't even have to know what finished looks like. Just list the next two or three things you can do. If that seems like a lot then pick one thing and do that. When that is done or underway, take another step.

nodaybut2day

He could admit to being Cleopatra reincarnated, but it wouldn't change the fact that he is ABUSIVE towards your children and THAT will have an impact on them for the rest of their lives.

This is what pushed me out the door: the idea that my daughter would grow up to marry a man just like my XAH and would think it was NORMAL to let herself be treated like dirt, because that's what she grew up with.

IMO, it's time to take action.

catlovermi

We can't save your children for you, but we can encourage you along the path to do so.

How can we encourage you to begin a step toward this work? We care about you, and your children.

CLMI

TCB5568

I just don't know...theres always what ifs...it could be worse...its not like they are constant bruised no one will believe me anyway...but ok tonight he did push our daughter out of the chair at dinner..is this abuse? Enough to split up the whole family? Idk...

catlovermi

Yes, it could be worse. He could be burning her with cigarettes, or cutting her with a razor. But how badly does he have to push her around, for it to be recognized as abuse?

When you are not free to relax, not free to be yourself, careful around a person not to "start them up" - these are signs that that person is abusive. When a person uses techniques that demonstrate force, and strength, and dominance to control a situation - that is abusive.

Normal folks don't express themselves by force.

It doesn't have to cause blood or bruises to be abusive.

It just has to make you feel smaller.

CLMI

Krys

He pushed your daughter out of a chair? YES that is abuse. Getting physical in a way that hurts or scares your children is abuse. Just by scaring her he is teaching her do be distrustful and that can last a lifetime...that's a lot longer than any bruise.

tabatha

You deserve more than "it could be worse". So a situation where he is not constantly bruising her is ok and only sometimes bruising her is ok?? This can escalate and I would not wait until it does to get some help. Contact a family women's shelter for where to go for help and guidance.

LucyA

Seriously, someone WILL believe you and listen to your concerns!
It sounds like you have concerns or you wouldn't have posted. They don't have to show the bruises to be hurting!
I'm in the UK so I can't really offer practical advice like phone numbers or things like that, but maybe someone else knows somewhere you can just phone for a chat and decide if it is abuse or not, or if you want to take it further and what your options would be.

dollydo

Is this abuse...yes, without a doubt. Why you accept this behavior is beyond me. You are your childrens voice, their future....all I can think of to ask is....Why do you allow this abuse to continue?

suki44883

What family?? This isn't a family, it's a woman and her children being abused by an alcoholic. He performs emotional and verbal abuse on you, but he performs emotional and physical abuse on your children. Why do you let this continue? Do you need to see blood or broken bones before you actually put an end to this??

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholism is a progressive disease.

gerryP

I feel so helpless knowing, from actually reading posts on a regular basis on this site about TCB's children that are being abused daily and there isn't... one....thing that I, ME....can do about it. This is a horror movie for me but there isn't an ending!!!!!

I just imagine the little faces of these children being physically and emotionally abused regularily and them thinking, MY MOTHER WON'T STOP IT FOR US!!! SHE THINKS THIS IS ACCEPTABLE!!!!