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Really struggling today.

Old 03-28-2012, 12:59 PM
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Really struggling today.

I feel like I'm really struggling and I miss my ex. I just wanna phone him and speak to him but I know that would be the worst thing I could do. I've had a really good week. I've been catching up with friends I've neglected and had nights out with them which have been great. I've not had the urge to speak to him at all but today that's a different story. All I can think of is his good points and ignoring the bad, I know I'm doing it but can't help myself.
I actually thought I was doing well since it's only been 6 weeks but this longing has hit me like a ton of bricks.
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Old 03-28-2012, 01:11 PM
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I hear you, it's like withdrawal and it is physical.

It's like we can release the pressure a bit if we make contact.

My x called me last night, we talked very briefly.

I am paying for it today, of course he had to get some slight hits in.

It's up and down. Uggg so hard.

Have compassion for yourself and remember, it could just cause you more pain. YOu don't need that right now.:ghug3
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Old 03-28-2012, 01:41 PM
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I understand, and you'll get days like this-I hope you get many more better days not like this, positive ones where you are looking forward to a brighter future-keep going!
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Old 03-28-2012, 02:20 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
i tend to have mock discussions/arguments with people that are not there while doing vigorous vacuuming and the like. i don't yell, just grumble quietly. it's actually quite effective - i get to have my "talk" (i also do their side of the dialogue too) AND i get a clean house!
You do that too?
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Old 03-28-2012, 04:08 PM
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I hear you! In truth we know it's for the best but still have bad days. 1 month today for me....somedays I struggle a lot. I miss him but I know I don't want him back like he is and likely not changing anytime soon.
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Old 03-28-2012, 07:44 PM
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I'm about to post my story here about breaking my no contact that you can read. There are so many times I've gotten into contact after a break up with my ex over the last year and looking back on it, I would have saved myself so much grief had I not done so. So much grief!
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Old 03-28-2012, 08:22 PM
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That's a demon with a jagged sword!!! I changed my cell phone number to avoid my ex and his 50 million text messages/phone calls but I have to leave a line open to him for his son. So, we still have the house phone and he calls to talk to our son every so often but basically it's to con me on the phone at some point. I do have to talk to him about child support and visitation but I try my best not to veer off the subject of our son. At times I find myself being sucked in and we get off on the past and I have to remind myself that he is not capable of loving me like a normal person and it does no good to express my hurt or emotions to him because he really could care less about anyone but himself but it's normal to want an explanation or want to explain our side. I just have to bring myself back to reality and say this is a trap!!! Stop it, put an end to the conversation, and get off the phone. The less communication the better--more time for "your" healing!!!
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Old 03-28-2012, 08:26 PM
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I totally understand what you are going though. I had that on Sunday. After I kicked my ABF out last week (or actually gave him 2 weeks, so we are still living together-tortuous), he has gone on a drinking binge, out from after work till after I am already in bed, trying to sleep. So i didn't see him, didn't text him. Then on Sunday, I felt sad. Horribly lonely and hurt. I texted him that I loved him. He texted back that he was confused, do I want to stay together. I said no, I am not confused, we can't be together, that I was just through the emotions, and feeling particularly sad.
Then comes Monday, and I feel better, more confident, happier, and resolved in my decision to move on in life.
The ride is up and down, all over the place. When you feel the need to call him, call a friend, go for a walk, distract yourself. And take care of yourself
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Old 03-29-2012, 10:44 AM
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i have been feeling that way too. i wrote a long letter to my ex, which i may or may not give to him, but it just helped put things in perspective. he was my best friend for three years, we did everything together. but its the fantasy, the delusion that i miss. like the wonderful day we spent in disney world together, when he couldn't stop telling me how happy he was, how much he loved me, and wanted to get on top of a mountain and profess his love to me. later that night i couldn't find him- he was passed out drunk by the hotel pool.

its the fantasy that i miss. all those happy times, were actually laced with his drunkeness. i can't think of a single memory that wasn't preceded with, or followed by, a drunken nightmare.

ive been thinking about the good too, a lot lately. but i remember the times where i felt empowerment, and i know those feelings will return.

sounds like you've been doing a great job at reconnecting with old friends and seeing the positive in your life without him. hold on to that!
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Old 03-29-2012, 11:11 AM
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To help me get through those times of intense longing, I "play the tape all the way through" and imagine what we would talk about if we were to be in contact. Yes, there would be good conversation but in the end, the impasse between us would still be there, and the conversation would no doubt leave me sad about not being able to change things. Doing this helps me snap out of it a bit; I realize that I miss being in love, I miss having someone be concerned about me, and I miss sharing our lives, but I also realize that I don't miss knowing that he just doesn't have the emotional maturity to be my partner.

And then I have chocolate. Lots of it.
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Old 03-29-2012, 11:42 AM
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I was just going to put a post on this myself today. I can't imagine why I'm having this need to talk to him. For what??? He'll have an attitude, be all pissed off because I'm living my life and doing things with my friends but I can't include him in anything.

NoDay said it perfectly, "I realize that I miss being in love, I miss having someone be concerned about me, and I miss sharing our lives, but I also realize that I don't miss knowing that he just doesn't have the emotional maturity to be my partner."

I need to remind myself that what he offers me isn't what I need. It was only a small, small bit of what real love should be. Once I find that total love again I'm sure I'm going to be thinking how crazy I was to accept so little.

I just need something to do to let the emotions go by without acting on them. Anyone have a technique for working through that moment when you need the ex fix?
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:15 PM
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Please be strong. If you can, I can and vice versa. The "sads" do pass. You (and I) miss the illusion of the alcoholic, the potential. Open that door, and you will most likely be disappointed. I know that my optimism re: AXF has been crushed more times than I care to count.

Be free, be calm, be strong!

Good luck!
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