Question about codependency....what have you learned?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
WONDERFUL post!! I learned that "you get what you settle for." My mantras:
I am powerless over people, places and things.
Feelings aren't facts (Just because I feel like a looser doesn't mean I am one. Just because I think I love someone doesn't mean it's not really about need.)
It's none of my business! (Never give unsolicited advice to anyone over the age of 15)
It's progress, not perfection.
Actions speak louder than words. (I hear what you say but what are you actually doing?)
I am powerless over people, places and things.
Feelings aren't facts (Just because I feel like a looser doesn't mean I am one. Just because I think I love someone doesn't mean it's not really about need.)
It's none of my business! (Never give unsolicited advice to anyone over the age of 15)
It's progress, not perfection.
Actions speak louder than words. (I hear what you say but what are you actually doing?)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
In any given situation if I ask myself "What do I need to do to take care of myself." It is not judgemental or mean what usually comes out. It helps to keep me of the codependency loop de loop.
Also Selfish and Self Care are very different things.
Also Selfish and Self Care are very different things.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
The word "mutual".
Mutual honesty, mutual respect for the other, mutual owning of one's own issues, mutual active working of a program of recovery, mutual cooperation, mutual feelings of emotional and physical safety, mutual self-sacrifice when necessary, mutual financial responsibility, mutual protection of the other's highest good.
In my relationships with active addicts, nothing was mutual. The addict and his problems and his issues and his chaos and his health and his mood swings and his hot and cold were always central to both him and to me.
I am learning that when there are two people in a relationship, then more than just one of them should matter.
But believe me, without vigilance, I will sacrifice all the way to the moon.
Mutual honesty, mutual respect for the other, mutual owning of one's own issues, mutual active working of a program of recovery, mutual cooperation, mutual feelings of emotional and physical safety, mutual self-sacrifice when necessary, mutual financial responsibility, mutual protection of the other's highest good.
In my relationships with active addicts, nothing was mutual. The addict and his problems and his issues and his chaos and his health and his mood swings and his hot and cold were always central to both him and to me.
I am learning that when there are two people in a relationship, then more than just one of them should matter.
But believe me, without vigilance, I will sacrifice all the way to the moon.
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