painterman

My ah partner has spent the last five days in London with her daughter (from a previous marriage). I spoke with her yesterday and she sounded so well I thought the rest and change has really done her good, and was hopeful that she might be in a better frame of mind coming back here.
I then get a call this evening from her daughter, in tears and quite traumatised, saying she had returned from work to find her mother drunk and incoherent. This was the one day she was left alone, so she loses it completely and destroys a whole weekend which was precious to her daughter.
Siily me, thinking that this could go off without a hitch.
I really think I'm going to have to leave this woman soon, I'm scared of the prospect, and I'm going to need a lot of support from you good folks-so bear with me please!

krhea75

sorry for your pain, painterman.

twolivestouched

We are here for you, you are not alone!

EnglishGarden

I remember those times. When my AH got drunk on a family vacation and threatened to throw his daughter in the trunk of the car. When I would return from a trip and was so sure he wouldn't be drunk, surely, when I got off the plane.

Back then I did not understand that the alcoholic has a mental obsession to drink. The alcoholic takes one drink. Then all is lost. I didn't understand an alcoholic can never keep any promise about drinking. Nor ever be counted on for anything.

I'm sorry for your pain, painterman. I know how much you do not want to have to change your family situation. Stick with SR, don't be alone.

Marytherboo

We're here! You've helped me so much, I'd like to send you a very grateful and supportive {hug} while you're hurting.

lillamy

Yup, we're here. One of my aha-moments was when I had to cancel taking a class I had signed up for (continuing ed for work) because I realized I could not leave my children alone with their father two nights a week.

You get disappointed and disappointed to the point when you realize that... You dont want to get disappointed anymore.

Cyranoak

...you already know what I'm going to say.

Take care from your friend across the water,

Cyranoak

tiredoftryin

This is truly a hard disease to get, for me it is anyways. I have a 30 years old son and when he was 4, my mom was babysitting him and she said to me when I came to pick him up after work, "your son is upstairs on the bed and he is crying for his father, saying he misses him." That really caught me by surprise, I didn't think that my husband's drinking was bothering my son because I was always there for him, night and day. I thought I was enough for him but he needed his dad, too. His dad did work and still does but he spent the evenings going out on bids and also, going to softball and staying out late, drinking.

I guess the reason I am saying this is that it was a shock to me to see him crying for his father when I was doing the mom and dad thing myself and he had a grandfather that was there for him, too, along with two grandmother's. I really got upset with my husband then, but that was before going to Al-anon.

I know this is not the same type of situation, but I can see how much, from my son's being lonely for his dad at the age of four to your daughter's experience at her age. I don't know what I could have done to have not have him feel the way he felt, I did try to do the best I could but your share makes me think of my son.



hugsss, tired

mayalewiston

You have given such great advice to me and so many others here... sounds like it's time to do some soul searching for yourself. Only you will know when the time is right... For me, I set a real boundary in my head - no more lies. There had been quite a few fake boundaries in the past, but I felt in my heart that this one had to be real. I know you will know when you are ready...and it's ok to not be ready until then. These past few weeks have been incredibly hard, but I knew in my heart it was time - not sure why this time was different - it just was. Nonetheless, I'm very happy with my decision to stick to my boundaries. Best of luck to you in figuring out when "your time" is right.

painterman

Thank you so much for your support everyone, it really does help me when I'm feeling this way. Another day and I'll try a bit harder..