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I can still be manipulated!!!!

Old 03-25-2012, 12:22 PM
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dbh
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I can still be manipulated!!!!

I have a elderly neighbor who is an alcoholic. She also has dementia.

She lives by herself at the end of my cul-de-sac. She often asks for rides to the grocery store to "pick up some things". Which means she needs to buy beer and wine. Everyone in the neighborhood knows she has a drinking problem. Her children know she has a drinking problem. The people in the grocery store know she has a drinking problem.

I've been giving her rides to the store every once in awhile. If she doesn't get a ride, she will walk (it's about a mile). I've often seen her ask strangers for rides home. I'm scared for her. I don't like giving her rides, but I rationalize it by thinking that she's safer in my car than the car of a stranger.

Today, I was walking my dog and she sort of ambushed me. She was a couple blocks from her house and asked if I could do her a favor and drive her to the store. I agreed. We head back to my house to drop off my dog. Then she had to go back home because she just realized she used her last check. I drove her back to her house. Guess what ... she couldn't find her checks!?! So, she needed another favor. Could I just lend her $20 until she gets to the bank tomorrow. I like a fool gave it to her.

So, I not only gave an alcoholic a ride to the store to buy alcohol but I BOUGHT the alcohol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next time I'm going to say no. It's not up to me to protect her from her addiction. Maybe what I did today prevented her from hitting her bottom.

I'm so mad at myself.

Thanks for listening.

db
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Old 03-25-2012, 12:32 PM
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dbh,

I could see myself getting trapped like that too, and I am an alcoholic!
An elderly woman with dementia? I have no ideas, other than setting a boundary with her.
"I will not support your addiction by taking you to get booze or giving you money."?
It's okay dbh, we all did and/or do things that we wish we could take back.

Maybe practice saying no. I had to practice, and I had to learn to keep out extra stuff, like explaining why I am saying no. No need for that. NO is a complete sentence.

Beth
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Old 03-25-2012, 01:11 PM
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dbh
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You know what I think bothers me the most is that it reminds me of my childhood. It's so much easier for me to do what she's wants than to confront her. Just like it was with my father.

I find myself not wanting to judge her. She's 70+ years old and I can't imagine her giving up her beer/wine. However, if anything happened to her after I gave her a ride to the store I would feel responsible.

Guess it is yet another opportunity for me to grow :-\

Thanks,

db
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Old 03-25-2012, 01:17 PM
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Ooops..just a little slip! Don't be too hard on yourself, I probably would have fell for her
manipulation too.
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Old 03-25-2012, 01:26 PM
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Yes don't be too hard on yourself, I am the same way at times. I can be too nice and accommodating for fear of rejection or confrontation.
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