Belle72

So, my husband finally admitted that his drinking problem was out of control - so in an effort to keep me from leaving and get himself together he went to an AA meeting last Monday and started seeing a psychiatrist (he's only gone once so far) who gave him Klonopin to help with anxiety. He didn't drink all week and was so proud of himself - began running again, said he was feeling good as doc adjusted his depression meds. I knew is was way too soon for him to be thinking he licked this but I tried to support him. Then today, I let him take our three month old to see my dad as I was suffering from the flu - well, he came home six hours later DRUNK with the baby in the car. I stood in disbelief as he tried to balance himself, struggling to take the carseat out. I grabbed the baby from him and screamed at him and have retreated to the bedroom. He's passed out in the guest room. This is the final straw. I am leaving him tomorrow and going to stay with my father. Im sick that it has come to this but I don't know what else to do. He does not drive drunk and he loves his little girl do much - so for him to do what he did tonight - I know he's out of control. I hope this is the right thing to do. Not looking forward to telling my family about whats been going on. I called his mother tonight and spilled the beans to her. She told me to leave. I feel so sick that it has come to this - but I will protect my daughter at all costs. Everyone thinks we have the perfect marriage and the perfect family- great jobs, nice house, beautiful baby girl, nobody know what's really been going on....

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I'm glad you found us, but sorry for the reason that brought you here. You have found a wonderful resource of support and information. I hope you will continue to read and post as often as needed.

We are here to support you, and we understand how it feels to have a loved one addicted to alcohol.

I think you are a good mom for recognizing the danger your child has been in, and wanting to protect her from alcoholic mis-behavior.

I know your decision to leave your husband is a tough call to make. I had to make the same decision, but I didn't figure it out as soon as you.

Keep coming back.
We care about you

SoaringSpirits

You are doing the right thing. That baby needs you to protect her and it's time for your husband to face the consequences of his drinking. Stay strong in your boundaries. Big hugs to you. You'll get lots of great support and advice here at SR.

Tuffgirl

Welcome to SR, and wow you sound very strong and grounded. That's awesome, as it will help you get through the bumps in your journey well. I really like your attitude toward your child...it is your job to protect her. Driving drunk with my daughters in the car was an absolute no-no. I made it clear the first time I caught him that I would call the police the second time and have him arrested. Its a felony where I live because its child endangerment.

I highly recommend reading a lot about alcoholism and co-dependency. And go to a few Al-Anon meetings (or five). Your friends and family will be shocked and worried and possibly in disbelief (which you may take heat for that...that it isn't as bad as you think it is) but the people in the rooms of AL-Anon and here on this forum understand immediately and you'll never have to explain over and over again. Was such a relief to just sit and be understood without having to justify.

Take good care, and stay strong!
~T

EnglishGarden

Yes, you need to leave, not only because of what has happened but because of what is going to happen: your AH is going to get hooked on Klonopin. It is addictive and is very dangerous to someone with advanced addictive disease. The combination of benzodiazepines and alcohol is deadly. If your husband drinks and takes benzos, he will be in even more trouble than he is in now.

And there is nothing you can do to control that.

I would get some good legal advice right away. Your baby should not be with him at any time unsupervised.

lillamy

Welcome, Belle.

I do hope you follow through and leave. Please come back and tell us how you're doing. You have an absolute right to protect your baby and yourself, don't let anyone talk you out of that.

(((hugs)))

FedUpWith2Brats

I absolutely agree that you must leave and protect your child, (and yourself). However, I would speak to an attorney first and get an emergency custody order filed. At this point, you and your hubby have equal rights custody wise, and there is nothing stopping him from getting your daughter and leaving the country, state, town etc.
In divorce and custody battles, the court generally favors the person who files first, so don't tell him what you are planning on doing, act as you normally would. Just because your H is an alcoholic/addict doesn't give you the legal right to high tail it out of the house. The courts only look at factual evidence, and generally will not prevent a parent from some sort of custody unless there is proof he is an immediate danger. Taking your child and moving out may backfire on you. He may charge you with parental alienation, and may claim you abandoned him and your family home.
If at any time you feel afraid of him and fear for you and your child's safety, call 911 immediately. Document, document, document. Please visit angelfury.org for some terrifying true stories of moms who left their abusive, addicted spouses only to LOSE their children to the abuser.
Remember, what you do today will affect you and your daughter for the rest of your lives, so please get legal counsel before you react to the situation.
I do admire your strength at this time, and feel your heartbreak and fears for the future. You are a wonderful mom, your daughter is lucky to have you. Stay strong.

celticgenes

Welcome, and so sorry for your pain. Some A's recover, many do not. While your AH figures it out, it sounds like you know how to protect yourself & your child. Al Anon & this site help me to keep straight what my issues are vs what my A's issues are.

Stay strong. Check out the "quacks" page for the LONG list of "quacks" uttered by the A's in our lives to try and keep us codependent.

Good luck, keep yourself and that baby safe. You will have a wonderful life!

Justfor1

He may have only drank a few beers but the combination with the Klonopin is dangerous. I wonder if he was honest with his psych doctor because it's a last resort to use for anxiety (in alcohol abusers). Severe blackouts can also happen when someone combines the two.

lizatola

So sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to share my AH's experience with antidepressants and alcohol. He was popped for a DUI last month and he said that he usually could just have 1 or 2 beers but that the Paxil made him crave more and if he caved to the craving(he was having dangerous binges for the past few months before this DUI happened and had started taking Paxil back in August....I always knew there a connection but didn't realize it until researching it and having him confess to it), the faster he got to full on blackout. He said he got drunk much quicker with the antidepressant than ever before in his drinking history and he said that the blackout period came quickly, too.

You can research stories of folks who have had similar experiences with antidepressants and alcohol. There's a reason you aren't supposed to mix the 2, other than the obvious (alcohol being a depressant vs an antidepressant). I'm not sure about the Klonopin but I would think that alcohol and benzo's aren't a good mix.

Protecting our children should always be our number 1 priority. You are doing the right thing and have gotten wonderful advice on the boards. One thing I found with my AH was that when he was in full denial mode he didn't care about how he was harming our son. He knows that now, he's been sober since the DUI but nothing I said made any impact on his thinking. He was deep in denial and it took the DUI to wake him up. Your absence may be the thing that finally brings him around. Or, it may not be, but at least you are protecting your daughter. Sending you lots of support!

micealc

I was like your Husband one time.....I was on Benzos trying to stay away from the Booze.
This continued for a good while until one time I eased off on the Benzos....secretly knowing that I could now Drink.I went back on the Alcohol Drinking again hoping I could Control it this time,but as usual I could not.....Im an Alcoholic.


Anyway she left,with our Baby Girl.....boy did I wake up when I woke up from the boozing sleep and found that she had left with the Child.

I was out of my mind.....I knew she was having none of my Messing.

I eventually Followed her....knew she was in her right to leave.

I got the shock of my life.....I deep down loved both of them...I apoligised...she gave me another chance....

We got back together....I went to AA....Got off Alcohol and benzodiazepines .

It took some time.....but I did it...I had too.

That Baby is now 27 years old....Myself and my Wife get on Great most of the Time.


She Told me today that she loves me more than ever...WOW


This is after 30 years of been with this Beautiful Woman....Im Not to bad myself.

I still attend 12 step Meetings...Now ACA.....Its the bee's knees.

I hope things work out for ye...Cheers

blwninthewind

Look...I don't care WHY he was unbalanced and acted/looked drunk...fact is he put his child in harms way...

You are doing the right thing.
Save yourself and HER from a lifetime of misery and go now.