"Dear Addicted Loved One" A letter from one of our Greeters
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"Dear Addicted Loved One" A letter from one of our Greeters
Good morning, everyone!
The following is a letter that was originally posted within the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum by one of our Community Greeters. With her permission, I am sharing it here.
The following is a letter that was originally posted within the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum by one of our Community Greeters. With her permission, I am sharing it here.
Originally Posted by KindEyes
Dear addicted loved one
Why do I help you? I do it relieve my pain. Watching you slowly kill yourself is enormously painful. Watching your life fall to pieces is unbearable for me. Helping you, giving you food, giving you money eases my pain. Your reliance on my need for pain relief is like a drug for me.
You are my drug of choice.
I will do anything for my drug of choice. I will lie. I will spend ridiculous amounts of money. I will sacrifice my own welfare and the welfare of others around me. I will ignore the people in my life who love me. I will get sick. I will not sleep. I will allow my life to spiral out of control. And the only way I think I can relieve that pain is to help you. And the more that others try to convince me that I have a problem, in my eyes, the bigger problem THEY become to me.
THIS is the drug of choice of the codependent. THIS is what I get out of the relationship. THIS is why I do what I do. The trouble with codependence is that I have a drug of choice but I can't see it.
The more I explore the disease of addiction and the issue of codependence, the more I realize that they are both the same problem. And we feed on each other.
I am no different than you, addict. I am also an addict. You are my drug of choice.
I am a codependent. And this is what codependents do.
With much toxic love,
Your codendent loved one
Why do I help you? I do it relieve my pain. Watching you slowly kill yourself is enormously painful. Watching your life fall to pieces is unbearable for me. Helping you, giving you food, giving you money eases my pain. Your reliance on my need for pain relief is like a drug for me.
You are my drug of choice.
I will do anything for my drug of choice. I will lie. I will spend ridiculous amounts of money. I will sacrifice my own welfare and the welfare of others around me. I will ignore the people in my life who love me. I will get sick. I will not sleep. I will allow my life to spiral out of control. And the only way I think I can relieve that pain is to help you. And the more that others try to convince me that I have a problem, in my eyes, the bigger problem THEY become to me.
THIS is the drug of choice of the codependent. THIS is what I get out of the relationship. THIS is why I do what I do. The trouble with codependence is that I have a drug of choice but I can't see it.
The more I explore the disease of addiction and the issue of codependence, the more I realize that they are both the same problem. And we feed on each other.
I am no different than you, addict. I am also an addict. You are my drug of choice.
I am a codependent. And this is what codependents do.
With much toxic love,
Your codendent loved one
Last edited by Seren; 03-24-2012 at 04:51 AM.
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Location: Memphis, TN
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Seren, thank you so much for that post. When I started here my life was a shattered wreck. Through this site and Al Anon I am now a healthy person again, strong in my recovery and actually enjoy being in my own.
One thing that always bothered me though is that I understood I had problems and unhealthy attachments to my AW, our relationship was unhealthy for both of us but I just couldn't figure out why, what was driving me.
When I read this post this morning it all was so clear and I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Thank you again so much.
MODS, if this is not a stocky could it please be made one?
Your friend,
One thing that always bothered me though is that I understood I had problems and unhealthy attachments to my AW, our relationship was unhealthy for both of us but I just couldn't figure out why, what was driving me.
When I read this post this morning it all was so clear and I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Thank you again so much.
MODS, if this is not a stocky could it please be made one?
Your friend,
Last edited by Seren; 03-26-2014 at 08:34 AM.
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Location: Wyoming, USA
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I am very new here so bare with me... it was something I read, just one line, the codependent becomes as addicted to the alcoholic as the alcoholic is to the alcohol, that brought me here yesterday. I am so frightened... I am sure I have always been codependent, as far back as I can remember at least... who am I going to become and how on earth do I function without being a codie? I don't even know really where to begin, I barely recognize codependency and I truly don't know what enabling is but I am sure I do it. I am reading things and commenting along the way but so lost and frightened right now, a very scary and vulnerable place for a 44 year old woman.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by lostsadalone 
I am very new here so bare with me... it was something I read, just one line, the codependent becomes as addicted to the alcoholic as the alcoholic is to the alcohol, that brought me here yesterday. I am so frightened... I am sure I have always been codependent, as far back as I can remember at least... who am I going to become and how on earth do I function without being a codie? I don't even know really where to begin, I barely recognize codependency and I truly don't know what enabling is but I am sure I do it. I am reading things and commenting along the way but so lost and frightened right now, a very scary and vulnerable place for a 44 year old woman.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by lostsadalone
I am very new here so bare with me... it was something I read, just one line, the codependent becomes as addicted to the alcoholic as the alcoholic is to the alcohol, that brought me here yesterday. I am so frightened... I am sure I have always been codependent, as far back as I can remember at least... who am I going to become and how on earth do I function without being a codie? I don't even know really where to begin, I barely recognize codependency and I truly don't know what enabling is but I am sure I do it. I am reading things and commenting along the way but so lost and frightened right now, a very scary and vulnerable place for a 44 year old woman.
Remember to take it all in baby steps - it IS overwhelming as you come to understand & identify with codie traits. Welcome to SR, so glad you found us!
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
When I first began my journey on a healthier path in life someone at my al-anon shared this one night.
Recovery is being asked to give up everything you know to get something better that you don’t yet understand.
And how true that was and I am thankful I felt I was worth going to the meetings and of course sticking around here at SR.
Today I do understand and today I certainly do have a better life.
I hope you stick around, it’s soooooo worth it and more importantly so are you.
Recovery is being asked to give up everything you know to get something better that you don’t yet understand.
And how true that was and I am thankful I felt I was worth going to the meetings and of course sticking around here at SR.
Today I do understand and today I certainly do have a better life.
I hope you stick around, it’s soooooo worth it and more importantly so are you.
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