LittleApple

My RAW (she says she’s recovered, I disagree considering the glasses of wine she has several times a week) had been going to a counselor but stopped going recently. I was not sure why she quit going but she told me last night that it was because the counselor wanted her to be happy and told her to divorce me.

I’m pretty confused by this. My first thought is my wife was going into all the reasons for her drinking and I’m sure they all involved me because in her mind it’s my entire fault. And I don’t think this counselor specializes in alcoholics and took everything she said at face value. But another part of me wonders if this is just an excuse she fabricated to get me off her back about getting help. She’s doing the “honorable” thing by quitting the counseling and saving our marriage.

At the same time she is not happy with me about going to alanon. In her mid she is cured and why do I have to get help with dealing with an alcoholic when she no longer is one? BTW that is not going to prevent me from going to alanon. I know I need the help but have never seen a discussion about either of these topics here.

Anyone else face these kinds of issues?

NYCDoglvr

It's very common for alcoholics to blame their drinking on other people. As a recovering alcoholics with 20 years of recovery I can say I'll always be an alcoholic. Hopefully a sober one. Alcoholism is called the disease of denial because it's very hard to stop drinking. She's not helping by not going to a therapist who isn't an expert in the disease and getting into a program.

You must realize that you have a right to your own believes and actions. No one has a right to stop you from going to Al-anon. You must also realize that there's nothing anyone can do or say that is going to stop an alcoholic from drinking.
I strongly recommend Al-anon ... it has save many people's sanity.