Parents enabling alcoholic/drug/gambling addict brother
 

Hello everyone,

This is my first post here at SR. I am having a major issue with my family which all comes from my alcoholic/drug/gambling addict brother.

I have never had an addiction, so maybe I don't know what it is like, but this situation is ruining my family.

Ever since my brother was 16 years old he has been getting into trouble. Hes been in and out of rehab for the last 8-9 years. My parents have funded his education in several fields and several universities, only to have him fail out after a semester. He has never had a full time job longer for a month or so, and my parents pay all of his bills. Rent, car, gas, spending money, they always end up giving him money or he ends up stealing from them and pawning the stuff he sells. A few years ago he pawned my dead grandfather's rolex watch, and his gold chain that he wore everyday for 50 years (gift from my deceased grandmom). This kid has no soul!
Intervention, after intervention, and rehab, after rehab for different issues- and nothing has changed.

The last time I was visiting them in Florida, the major issue was my brother stealing from the business that my parents own. Over the last year it has been around $40,000.00 (that my parents tell me) he has stolen through the register and blank cheques that he has cashed at the bank (that he forges).

He has been to jail once, but only a few days. He has been kicked out of my parents house a few times (but always ends up back where he started). DUI, after DUI, bail money, and legal fees...he has no bounds!

I am at my witts end. My parents are struggling financially because of my brother's stealing (rehabs aren't cheap either). He just returned for his 5th time in rehab at $6K for 5 weeks.

He has gotten kicked out of 4 halfway houses for not following the rules, but there is always some "excuse" as to why it happened.

I recently got into a fight with my mom because they actually let him back in the house and working at the business again (he stole money twice in the last month). They are freaking idiots, and they always say "this is the last time'..."we are going to call the cops ", but it never happens.

My mom and dad are on the brink of divorce because they cannot agree on what to do with my brother. To me, its clear...kick him out...send him away. If they have sent him away in the past he usually comes back and makes a scene on the front lawn.

It's ruining my family, and its all that seems to be talked about (forget the fact that I am getting married in three months). :-(

Is there anyway to get my parents to see their enabling ways? I don't want to abandon my family, but I don't want my brother to kill them. The stress that he provides alone is enough to give my dad a heart attack. It hurts my heart to say, but I am glad they moved away from me. Now they can spend all their time focusing on my brother.

I'm sorry this was so long, but I don't know what to do. My mom isn't talking to me right now because we got in a huge fight about my brother using them. I am supposed to go visit them soon, but I will not stay at their house if my brother is living there. I legit feel like I should sleep with a knife under my pillow. He has a tendency to flip out when he's mad...and he dispises me.

Thank you. Peace.

Welcome to the SR family!

I'm glad you found us, but sorry for the reason that brought you here. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.

Is there anything you can do to change your parents? I don't think we have the power to change another adult. I know I only have the power to change myself.

I respect your decision to not visit your parents home while your brother is there. I think that is a healthy decision to limit your contact with toxic people, even if they are your relatives.

I see that your parents are hoping that
"this time will be different" and trying to love your brother into acceptable, responsible behavior. I'm sure that is very frustrating to witness.

I hope you will consider attending Alanon meetings in your community for some face-to-face support. You will find like minded people, like here, that support you as you try to make healthy decisions for yourself while dealing with a loved ones addiction.

Welcome!

Stay away from all of them or it will ruin your (new) family to be.
He'll probably blood suck them dry till they die. Ensure that what you feel is your inheretance is secure and run away with it before he steels that too.

He has no right to rob you of what you deserve just cuause your parents are so gullable.

Any update?
 

You pretty much just described my brother, my parents, and my siblings and me. Did anything work for you with your parents? My family is fractured, and I don't know what to do.

Hi there, and welcome! This is a very old thread, from 2012. You might want to start a new thread, introducing yourself, and asking your questions there.

I always recommend Al-Anon--it was a lifesaver for me.