Soul searching
 

My dad says he's been soul-searching, but that he hasn't found it.

"Are you angry with me? I'm not asking you to contact Mom for me, or to take sides. I know I have really screwed up and Mom won't forgive me. I'm really feeling down and lonely. Just want to know I haven't lost you and (my brother). Though I wound do anything to have Mom back. I'm just really upset now as to how much she hates me!! I really screwed up!! And I've been soul searching, but I haven't found it!!"

Just what does he expect to find?

He might be looking for an easy fix to get back in good graces with anyone.
Since I don't believe in souls, other than a another word for conscience, he could be putting his hard work into a program of recovery.
I found myself again when I worked hard at recovery, and after drinking for twenty years, I knew it was gonna take more than a few days or weeks of "soul searching" to get back to reality.

Beth

Oh, I didn't literally mean "soul" per se. More like looking within ones self.

I meant this definition:

A penetrating examination of one's motives, convictions, and attitudes.

soul-searching - definition of soul-searching by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.

Regardless of what you believe in or don't believe in.

His response to my suggesting counseling (which I kind of predicted):

"A counselor won't bring Mom back to me. Also, all those guys do is listen to you talk for an hour and then take your money. They don't say or do anything."