Socializing Sober

Old 03-21-2012, 08:20 AM
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Socializing Sober

So we're having our first guests over since RAH got sober. RAH has a friend at work whose wife is 3 years sober, and he really wants to get to know them.

On the one hand I am thrilled that we are going to socialize with some people without the presence of alcohol. As it turns out, the majority of my old friends jumped ship when they found out what was going on with me and RAH, so I've been really lonely. For the first time in two years, we're having adult guests that aren't family over to our house.

On the other hand, I'm extremely nervous about this. What if this is the only thing we have in common? Also, what do sober people DO at get-togethers? It would be nice to have an activity to fall back on if things get awkward or weird.

Also, please tell me we will discuss something other than alcohol. I'm so sick of talking about nothing but alcohol and alcoholism.
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Old 03-21-2012, 08:28 AM
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Well you can play cards, talk, throw darts, board games, stuff outside like horseshoes, eat, cooking out, well all the stuff people who are not alcoholics do at get togethers except drink.

I think that pretty much covers it.

BTW, don't spend so much time in the future, whatever happens, happens. Relax and enjoy the now.

Your friend,
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Old 03-21-2012, 08:30 AM
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Um, well, I am physically allergic to alcohol so I never drink at social gatherings...I generally talk, about my studies, about my daughter, about my passions, and listen to other people...Perhaps to take the focus off the booze you can make a [email protected] super yummy desert?
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Old 03-21-2012, 08:33 AM
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Heh. Thanks, guys. I live in a Big Ten university town so it feels like EVERYTHING revolves around alcohol. It's a nice reminder to remember that other people live in other ways.
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Old 03-21-2012, 09:17 AM
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Everything you normally do at social gatherings minus the alcohol. It's amazing the proper conversations you have compared to the fluff that people normally talk when they've been drinking.
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Old 03-21-2012, 09:48 AM
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its weird but i feel uncomfortable not drinking when others are. i hope i can change that
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Old 03-21-2012, 10:07 AM
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If you're really nervous about it and you're eating at your get together, plan something where everyone gets involved in the food preparation or cooking. It's an ice breaker and the conversation will just flow from there, but you'll probably find loads you have in common.
If you don't, well it's only one night and it'll have been an experience, you're out of your own little 'comfort zone' and it's good to do that once in a while.
It's not a test, it's supposed to be fun, enjoy it and if it doesn't work out so what? You'll have other friends that do work out in time because they like you for who you are not what's on offer at dinner, oh yes, you really will!
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Old 03-21-2012, 10:52 AM
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what about a game of pictionary? it's good fun.
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Old 03-21-2012, 11:01 AM
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I live in the wine country and can relate about social gatherings hinging on alcohol!

Use your best conversation skills by asking them lots of questions about themselves, their backgrounds, where they grew up, education, etc. Have a real conversation! As a backup plan a few activities like card games, board game, or darts (this is a great party game).

Food that's kind of fun to make and eat can be good. My favorite is cheese fondue for dinner, with chocolate fondue for dessert.

I used to entertain a lot and would write up a basic 'schedule of events' for a dinner and then try to keep things moving if it got a little slow, ie, if things slow down or conversations lulls, have your backup stuff like games, a walk, a tour of your property, etc to keep it lively.

Have fun. Life is good even without alcohol!
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Old 03-21-2012, 05:06 PM
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Keep an open mind, have a positive attitude, and give them a chance to be the great people they probably are. I'm not saying pretend to be something you are not, just be a nice person and they'll probably be nice back.

And, accept that there may be some recovery talk, especially as the alcoholics are meeting each other for the first time. In other words, do what you always do, just do it sober.

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Old 03-22-2012, 06:18 AM
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I appreciate the support, guys. I like the suggestion of having some type of food prep activity.

Not sure why I'm so anxious about this. It feels like the pressure is on to BE FRIENDS because who knows when we'll find others. We have really struggled with the friend and social situation since RAH started the recovery process. By the end of his drinking, he'd basically lost all his friends, and once I was open with my friends (quote, end quote) they all sort of melted away.
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