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Old 03-22-2012, 05:12 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
I think that I am in shock, yes. I just feel numb and like I'm in a fog and it's a weird and not comfortable feeling.


(((Hugs))))

to you and your little ones as you continue to recover.
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Old 03-22-2012, 06:57 PM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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WTBH - Have you called a DV counselor?
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Old 03-22-2012, 07:39 PM
  # 63 (permalink)  
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TJP- yes. I talked to the dv advocate at the prosecutor's office on tuesday I think-- or maybe Monday... Honestly the days are a blur. My lawyer talked to the prosecutor who in turn put the DV advocate in touch with me and I also called the state coalition # and talked to a hotline person. I didn't really get any concrete advice beyond what I had already been told but it was reassuring to know that this is not a unique situation and that it is not my fault. I don't really believe that and DO think I could have avoided it all so I am kind of beating myself up over it right now. I have a long ish commute so I called on the way home yesterday and the way to work today... I think I won't make the call on the way to work tomorrow bc I got to work feeling worse than when I left home and I can't really function at work in that state...
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Old 03-22-2012, 07:45 PM
  # 64 (permalink)  
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(((WTBH))) - sweetie, stop beating yourself up. You didn't know what he would do, that the "cop" was a jerk. You did what you thought was best.

I just want you to know...I drive a lot for my job...as I'm going down the road, ever since I read your first post, I pray for you and your babies. I don't know what else to do, but you and your kids have been on my mind and in my prayers.

This was NOT your fault. Put the stick down that you're beating yourself up with, okay?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 03-22-2012, 09:52 PM
  # 65 (permalink)  
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Take everything you have typed here, copy and paste it to word perfect or whatever, print it out, go to your attorney, hand it to him and say

I WANT ALL OF THIS TAKEN TO THE STATE POLICE AND AN INVESTIGATION STARTED NOW.

Obviously your town police have a problem. Then you go to the STATE POLICE, they OVERRULE city and town.

Look up the LOCAL number for the nearest STATE POLICE office, write it down, put it in your cell phone, keep it next to all the phones.

DO NOT call 911 again, call the STATE POLICE NUMBER and tell them briefly what has gone on and that he is AGAIN VIOLATING THE RO.

You see him at the end of your driveway, your mother's driveway, in the school parking lot, CALL THE STATE POLICE.

With everything you have written about your mother in past posts, I am not certain that is the safest place for you to be.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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Old 03-22-2012, 10:27 PM
  # 66 (permalink)  
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((WTBH))) - I have to say, (((Laurie))) knows more about everything that I could every think of. When I suffered PTSD from the robbery at work, I thought I could deal with it...I wish I had listened to ((Laurie)).

We are all here in support of you. I understand the shock...our minds go into that when it's just too much to deal witn. BTDT.

Keep posting here, please, as we all are very worried about your safety. Post what you feel...many have been through similar situations.

I admit...I'm scared to death of what he may come up with next, but I've asked some very special angels to surround you and yout babies. I just hope it's enough.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:03 AM
  # 67 (permalink)  
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laurie- yeah my mom's isn't ideal at all... but right now it's the closest thing to stable and until next tuesday i have to be in the area bc of work. after next tues i can spend energy coming up with a better long term plan. my mothers is not a permanent solution but i decided that it was better than my own house bc i don't trust the RO or the police and my mom's house is the better option at least for the moment...

ah's idiotic family has helped MY case actually... emails from his mother and sister yesterday (which can be linked obviously to ah) telling me they have always feared for ah's safety w me and that i am a very disturbed woman and they will do whatever they can to protect ah and our children from me.

granted their emails scared me and made me question whether I am the one in the wrong, but I calmed down enough to realize that their emails actually show that ah is violating the RO (there is a statement in it that he is to have no contact with me NOR have his family contact me in any way). so, my lawyer is getting copies of the emails and i have asked him (via voicemail bc he is not in yet) to deal with them today. maybe ah will be in jail before the day is out and i can breathe easy.
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:16 AM
  # 68 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
to realize that their emails actually show that ah is violating the RO (there is a statement in it that he is to have no contact with me NOR have his family contact me in any way). so, my lawyer is getting copies of the emails and i have asked him (via voicemail bc he is not in yet) to deal with them today. maybe ah will be in jail before the day is out and i can breathe easy.


Good on You!

I am sending positive thoughts that your attorney can get him locked up!
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:42 AM
  # 69 (permalink)  
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granted their emails scared me and made me question whether I am the one in the wrong
Absolutely not, they're gaslighting you.

but I calmed down enough to realize that their emails actually show that ah is violating the RO (there is a statement in it that he is to have no contact with me NOR have his family contact me in any way). so, my lawyer is getting copies of the emails and i have asked him (via voicemail bc he is not in yet) to deal with them today. maybe ah will be in jail before the day is out and i can breathe easy.
Do we have a cheerleading emoticon? I'm jumping up and down over here.
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Old 03-23-2012, 09:47 AM
  # 70 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Florence View Post
Do we have a cheerleading emoticon? I'm jumping up and down over here.
We do indeed!


WTBH, my heart goes out to you... What a rotten thing to happen, and you absolutely did not deserve that treatment, nor did you do anything besides what you felt was best. It is not your fault, and I'm glad your lawyer is going after them for this.

I also like Laurie's suggestion of calling the local state police and dealing directly through them from now on. Police aren't perfect and are not immune from making mistakes - that said this one is completely out of line, and remind me that some people select jobs with positions in authority simply because they are insecure and make themselves feel better by using that authority to drive others into the ground.

Hang in there. You are doing okay, you are doing what you feel is the right thing, and that is everything. It sounds like you've got things moving in your favor now, weighing your choices for long-term decisions so you don't jump into a worse place, but at the same time jumping on the short-term requirements to keep yourself and your children safe.
:ghug3
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Old 03-23-2012, 10:07 AM
  # 71 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
..... maybe ah will be in jail before the day is out and i can breathe easy.
That would make my entire YEAR!!
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Old 03-23-2012, 11:08 AM
  # 72 (permalink)  
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funny, i was wondering why husband to the police "that you said, "she asked me to come over", knowing full well that the RO was in place...and still the police did not think this was "weird"...

good for you! and YOUR BACK BONE!....you go girl!!...we are all 100 % behind you...ooh ya...i got a shovel....no need to say anything...its in my car...so any time you need it, I WONT QUESTION why....
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Old 03-23-2012, 11:41 AM
  # 73 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Florence View Post
Absolutely not, they're gaslighting you.
I 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and on and on, this statement from Florence - because I KNOW I needed to be reminded often that it wasn't me. After so long with XAH I didn't trust my perception of anything any more. I hate that fog. It's cleared up a lot, but sometimes it comes back, you know?

It's not you, WTBH. You're not imagining things; it's not you blowing the situation out of proportion; it's not you doing this to him.

You're amazing, you're strong, you're a wonderful Mom, you're the sane one. :ghug3
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Old 03-23-2012, 06:07 PM
  # 74 (permalink)  
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wtbh, still thinking about you and your kiddos. Hope all is ok for the time being.
~T
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:36 PM
  # 75 (permalink)  
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Just sending hugs, strength and hope.
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:41 PM
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(((WTBH))) - still sending up prayers...for you and your babies, and for the karma police to get hold of your AH, his family AND the ignorant cop. Oh yeah...and for your awesome lawyer

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 03-25-2012, 07:52 PM
  # 77 (permalink)  
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hi all- nothing new which is good news i guess over the weekend. ran a road race with the girls today (they did a fun run, my mom stayed with them while i ran mine and rocked it!). apparantly being angry, scared and overwhelmed equals kicking a$$ with my running. ran just over 7 min miles and placed in the top 20 for my age group. considering there were 3,000 + runners i'm feeling pretty good!

my lawyer said that it's clear to me and him that ah is having his family contact me but that we can't prove it simply with the emails. they are in my file and all going to be part of the case. i think that given time, ah will hang himself with his antics.

i feel less scared today than a few days ago, and feel a lot angrier which frankly feels a lot better than feeling numb and terrified.

i've been working crazily on my work project that's due tuesday and it has been a nice distraction.

i nearly bailed on the race today but going to it with my girls and seeing them so happy (they both ran a kids race and did amazing!-- D6 is not a "pretty" runner-- arms and legs flailing like me when i run-- but she was FAST which she was so pleased about and D4 is athletic too and did great). anyway, i am glad i didn't bail on it bc it really was a fun day with my girls and god knows we all needed one.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:21 PM
  # 78 (permalink)  
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Thanks for checking in -- sounds like a wonderful day! Congrats on your race!
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:56 PM
  # 79 (permalink)  
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Prayers and love sent to you.

Remember YOU have the RO on HIM. If you see him, do not speak, call 911 immediately.

I had to run to the courthouse to file a complaint of him breaking the RO every time mine came closer than (I forget) so many feet of me. He'd often show up behind me driving down the road. Yeah, scary stuff.

Remember to stand your ground. More evidence is on your side. Stay strong.

If you have to call the police Remind Them YOU have a RO on HIM. That 911 call should be recorded, so in the future, the incoming police will know what's up before they act stupid.

It does sound like the police know your AH or are in their own domestic situation in their marriage. Do you have an Abused Person's Program near you? Do whatever you can to show you are proactive in keeping you and the children safe.

You aren't alone in this situation.

Keep strong. Love & hugs,
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Old 03-27-2012, 04:30 PM
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just hugs & prayers,
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