choublak

Being the voice of your children, who otherwise have no voice, is being more than a "good enough" mom.

TCB5568

I finally have a few moments of peace to post and AH and I have been fighting for days. He managed to turn everything around on me and tell me all the things that I need to change and how I need to be....Also he just doesn't understand why I am mad at him all the time. He's completely clueless. I tell him why but he doesn't want to listen just make me feel crazy and inadequate. B66 thank you for sharing your story. It meant more than you know sort of like a validation that these men aren't good fathers whether they're drinking or not. To hear about the stick just brings that home. They are just kids and need to be able to play and run around without being afraid of their father's tempers whether drunk or sober. I am in a bad bad depressed place right now just as M1k3 said I can relate to the feeling of wanting to die and knowing I need to do something about this or go on being miserable. Someone said the dynamics in the relationship changed and that is what is happening here in a way if I don't give him enough attention, he starts to try to argue with me it's very eye opening in the ways he uses his alcoholic weapons against me and I'm on to it....and trying to be happy whether he's drinking or not. but still I'm in a constant state of anxiety...he said so many horrible things about me last night...ahhhh and I am having wisdom tooth out in the a.m. and have to trust him to take care of baby. Hopefully I won't be out too long. Thanks to all of you for your support. I really do appreciate all of you here at SR and knowing you are all here supporting me helps.

catlovermi

Keep coming back... you are in the right place, here. This is a process, and it may not feel like it, but you are making progress, movement.

Just keep coming back...

CLMI

LeaLondon

Take care of the children and protect them with all the world's power. Setting a good example to the children is the most important footprint you will ever leave on this planet.

Keep bad energy away from them if you life depends on it.

ODAT63

The other day I was babysitting my beautiful 18 months grandaughter,I notice how she was paying attention to everything we did, then I realized that babies do not understand words, they see actions and behaviours, OMG, she is learning by seeing the world, I am so glad my XAH is out of the picture, It is time for me to break the cycle and show her what a "normal" life is, I need to do this for me and for her.

blwninthewind

Thank God she did that that bowl in her hands.

and now you have the proof you needed deep down that your AH is endangering your child. This is only the FIRST of many incidents that will come down the road if you don't do something to prevent it.

so...what are you going to do about it?

Pelican

How did your procedure go?
How are you today?

Thinking of you and sending support

TCB5568

Pelican, thanks for asking. I'm glad that's over with and all went fine. I'm sore but it's nothing I can't handle. Husband was supportive and sober most of day and The kids had friends over to keep them occupied and there weren't any major issues the last few days. I guess I dropped the issues with AH and move on and hope for the best of each day right now. I am serious about finding a job ASAP....

Magichappens

TCB,
The first step of Al-anon is that we are powerless over alchohol. It took me a while to realize that I was powerless to change my thinking and behavior without help. It was a cycle I couldn't break. I would get mad, explode from pent up resentment, yell, scream, demand, and sometimes be destructive. Then, even if there were valid points to my resentment, I ended up feeling guilty for the fit I pitched, and he diverted the blame to me. He would be gracious, and I would go back to hoping that this time things would be different (which they never were). I even knew this was happening, and I still did not have the power to do anything about it. It took a lot of support, reading Al-anon and codie materials, and prayer to begin to change.

I remember the first time I resisted arguing with him. I had to nearly bite my tongue off to keep from starting. I finally got the words out, "You could be right" and left it at that. It wasn't an earth shattering change, but it was the beginning of trying something different. I realized that I didn't have to believe he was right to let him believe he was right. What difference did it make if we argued? I never could convince him of my way of thinking any way. That day I learned to pick my battles. It has brought a lot of peace to the relationship, and when I do stand up for something, he takes more notice, because I am not nagging all the time about every little thing.

The point is that it is going to take you some time to change your thinking and actions about your family, yourself, and your kids. If you beat yourself up or feel guilty about not doing it fast enough, you are only slowing the growth that is happening in you. Look closely at your actions recently. You have reached out for help, and started considering suggestions. Could you have done that a month ago?

Sometimes we need to get on our selves for procrastinating, but right now, you need to nurture your spirit. You are moving in the right direction. There will be set backs. But in a few months I expect that you will be in such a different place than you are today. Don't give up, but do give yourself a break and take it easy on yourself. You have a lot to be proud of. Put the rest in God's hands; your kids, your husband, your living situation, your job and financial situation. The power to take care of each one will be given to you when the time is right. Although it doesn't feel very comfortable, I believe there is a life changing event happening in your life for the better. Just my opinion. Hugs, Magic

m1k3

((((hugs)))) of support.

I hope your feeling better today and that your weekend is going well. Have faith that you can get through this as you have the support oa all of us. It is a dark place where you are now but there is a light as well. That light may be small and dim right now but it will grow. If you think back a little into your past you didn't even have that little light. That light is hope. You now know there is a path out of the darkness because you are talking to people who have been where you are and found the way out.

In my case I found my way because of all the good people here reaching out their hands to help me. We are now reaching our hands out to you. You don't have to do this alone.

The journey is hard but I have faith that you can make it.

Your friend,