Wing

Quote:
Sometimes deep down I wish i could have the type of man that would want to fight for me and get sober to be with me.

I'm missing him again today... I'm seeing a guy 4 weekends in a roll, but it can't help. I still wonder 'why it can't be my exABf.' how sick I am?

But I keep reminding myself. It's just a fantasy. He can't fight this addiction for me, coz he can't even fight this for himself.

At first, he told me to have faith on him, said he will change. Finally, he said that's impossible, said that he had been dealing with his drug and alcohol prob for his whole life. (he started weed from 11 yr old, he's now 30) So, I realize that deep in his heart, he knows that he can't change. He doesn't have faith on himself. How could I put my hope on him?

jamaicamecrazy

I would like to say that I would not take him back unless he was working on recovery and then chose to work on repairing the trust and respect in our marriage. While I don't think this is impossible, it is asking a great deal from someone who is no where near there. And he may never be. I am still holding on to hope but am becoming more realistic about planning for a life without him. Now if he shows up on my doorstep I hope I have the strength to stick to those boundaries.

NYCDoglvr

Has he said he wants to change and is he working hard on it? Actions speak much louder than words.

MeredithD1

Nothing could get me to take back my AXH. He was toxic for me and I divorced him when I knew I had enough. I knew I had enough when I didn't care what it took to end the relationship.

nodaybut2day

A lobotomy.

MyBetterWorld

Nothing could make me go back...short of if my children's life depended on it.

justrae83

I have been reading these over and over and I am starting to think...yeah nothing would make me go back unless GOD HIMSELF told me to go back, but even then i would think it was the devil talking ha ha

pixilation

NOTHING! Absolutely nothing.

blwninthewind

My first thought when I read the post headline:


"The threat of hell itself couldn't make me go back to him".

RECF

I almost DID go back to mine. I was lost in a cloud of confusion, denial, depression and extremely low self-worth. And during that time I thought: "I want to be married. I want to have kids. I'm doing so horribly by myself. Why not?"

These are HORRIBLE reasons. Thinking I might go back because I didn't have anything better on the horizon for myself - This should be a warning sign that one needs to build self-confidence and heal and grow beyond such derogatory thinking.

I am lucky I had a friend who gave me a stern talking to, reminding me of the anxiety I suffered while I was with him, the nightmare scenarios I would come home to.

The fact is, dry or drunk, that man cares ONLY ABOUT HIMSELF!

And I am a beautiful person, a caring person and person WORTH SO MUCH MORE...

AND SO ARE YOU!

fourmaggie

walks tall and holding on to my kids hands...


NOTHING

StarCat

I left when I hit my absolute bottom, and from that point on there was nothing in the world that would get me back in that situation again, even if he had centuries of sobriety and counseling and all sorts of other things. I was done.

m1k3

I will never take her back and I will never change my mind.

Simple as that.

Freedom1990

My EXAH is deceased now.

Even if he were alive, there is no chance of going back.

Too much damage was done.

I moved forward in recovery, and he didn't.

justrae83

I started this thread beucase i wanted to see if so much damage was done in others lives as it was done in mine. I got a call yesterday from my ex...i didnt pick up, but then he texted me his new "love of his life" and him are having problems and he would keep in touch. Scared me, I JUST NOW am starting to feel like myself again and happy and free...now he is starting to come back. I know he will promise me the world and I just dont know as of now if I have the will power to say no. I WANT TO NOT BE WITH HIM...but HE IS SOOOOO good at minipulation. WHY oh why, do they know when your doing really good to swoop in and mess it up? lol

nodaybut2day

It's a game. Push you away, torture you a bit, do other stuff and then work hard at reeling you back in...just so he can push you away again.

IMO, time to block his number and give yourself the gift of peace. You KNOW this person isn't healthy for you. Take action!

gerryP

Justrae, I think if you were really feeling "happy and free" you would not for one second entertain the idea of reconciling with him. You have a lot of work to do on yourself. Has he stopped drinking/drugging? Isn't that why you left in the first place?

ODAT63

Mine got sober and resented me for it, he asked me for the divorce on his one year sobriety, here I was expecting him to invite me to his one year chip aniversary, instead I got the "I am not in love with you anymore", yes I tried to get him back, he did not wanted to be with me, then my HP put this wonderful man in my way, I was not ready for him but he was ready for me, he is patience, loving, caring not an adict or alckie, loves me and respects me, he is everything I wanted my XAh to be, so there is that man out there, the one you want, the one that you do not need to fix, he is out there just waiting for you to be ready. Let your XA go, if is meant to be he will come back, sober and ready, you need to be ready for you. Hugs!

Shadydeal

Do they all refer to "the love of their life". If I have heard this once a million times in reading. Yep, I thought I was special only to find.......everyone was "the love of their life". Thank you for being such a support group. I am not strong and I pull from this site to know I am no different and find strength.

SoaringSpirits

I'd consider reconciliation if my husband was sober and working a program for a minimum of 3 years.

That said, I'm not sure I'd get back together with him even after all that. There's too much water under the bridge.