My sister is an alcoholic--its killing my dad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Santa Ana, CA
Posts: 1
My sister is an alcoholic--its killing my dad
My sister has been an alcoholic for 30 years..she started drinking at age 12 and hit bottom at age 20 and went to rehab and was sober for 10 years. She has been drinking again and was able to keep it hidden from most of the family. She got a DUI about 2 years..but she did not stop. My mom passed away 18 months ago and now she has a good reason to drink even more.
Her 3 kids live with their great dad...thank goodness.
In January, she started convulsing and her ex husband and kids had to drag her kicking and screaming to the car so they could take her to the hospital..
She should have died as her blood alcohol level was 5 times the legal limit.
She has access to AA, counseling, etc..but she thinks she can do it by herself.
The problem is that she lives with my dad (he is 75 years old) (she has lived there for the past 6 or so years) which enables her to have a soft place to land. My brothers, my other sister and I want him to kick her out because it is killing him...I know that he won't and I don't want to be around her and so I won't be able to see my dad as much.
sorry for the rambling...I'm angry,
sad, confused...wondering why I can even still love her when all I want to do is slap her silly.
any guidance would be appreciated...:
Her 3 kids live with their great dad...thank goodness.
In January, she started convulsing and her ex husband and kids had to drag her kicking and screaming to the car so they could take her to the hospital..
She should have died as her blood alcohol level was 5 times the legal limit.
She has access to AA, counseling, etc..but she thinks she can do it by herself.
The problem is that she lives with my dad (he is 75 years old) (she has lived there for the past 6 or so years) which enables her to have a soft place to land. My brothers, my other sister and I want him to kick her out because it is killing him...I know that he won't and I don't want to be around her and so I won't be able to see my dad as much.
sorry for the rambling...I'm angry,
sad, confused...wondering why I can even still love her when all I want to do is slap her silly.any guidance would be appreciated...:
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi march,
Alcoholism effects the whole family. The alcoholic acts and the family members react. Some with anger, some with trying to fix it, some with fear. Your father probably feels some misguided parental sense of responsibility for your sister's alcoholism. My suggestion would be for you to check out an al-anon meeting in your area. You can get some literature and meet some understanding people who have been in the same situation. If your father sees that al-anon is helping you, he may be inspired to go himself. Whether your father seeks help or not, you will be able to let go of some of the anger at your sister and despair for your father.
This family disfunction that alcoholism causes is not something I was able to deal with by myself. I needed help from people that understood what I was going through. It took a while, but I was able to find strength and serenity about my family, alcoholism, and most other aspects of my life. I learned about alcoholism. Some people just can't quit drinking, even if they want to...even if it is hurting their family....even if it is killing them. I learned about the effect alcoholism has on the family. We can't quit focusing on the alcoholic, even if we want to.....even if that focus takes away from our other relationships....even if it is killing us. It's a vicious circle. I have found that al-anon can break that cycle for me.
I hope you find something that helps. Even participating in these forums can help some. I participated a lot in this forum when I first started in al-anon. I found that there are a lot of people all over the world going through the same things I was going through. I didn't feel so alone and helpless. I have no advice about how to make your family change. I wish I did. I would write a book and get rich. LOL. Seriously though, find something for yourself. You may be the only example of recovery your family will ever know. Hugs, Magic
Alcoholism effects the whole family. The alcoholic acts and the family members react. Some with anger, some with trying to fix it, some with fear. Your father probably feels some misguided parental sense of responsibility for your sister's alcoholism. My suggestion would be for you to check out an al-anon meeting in your area. You can get some literature and meet some understanding people who have been in the same situation. If your father sees that al-anon is helping you, he may be inspired to go himself. Whether your father seeks help or not, you will be able to let go of some of the anger at your sister and despair for your father.
This family disfunction that alcoholism causes is not something I was able to deal with by myself. I needed help from people that understood what I was going through. It took a while, but I was able to find strength and serenity about my family, alcoholism, and most other aspects of my life. I learned about alcoholism. Some people just can't quit drinking, even if they want to...even if it is hurting their family....even if it is killing them. I learned about the effect alcoholism has on the family. We can't quit focusing on the alcoholic, even if we want to.....even if that focus takes away from our other relationships....even if it is killing us. It's a vicious circle. I have found that al-anon can break that cycle for me.
I hope you find something that helps. Even participating in these forums can help some. I participated a lot in this forum when I first started in al-anon. I found that there are a lot of people all over the world going through the same things I was going through. I didn't feel so alone and helpless. I have no advice about how to make your family change. I wish I did. I would write a book and get rich. LOL. Seriously though, find something for yourself. You may be the only example of recovery your family will ever know. Hugs, Magic
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family - Marcher!
I hope you will stick around and read more of the posts by other members, as well as posting/venting anytime you need.
Some of my favorite reading is in the permanent posts (called stickies) at the top of the main Friends & Family page. There are about 14 posts listed with little padlock symbols in the far left column. Those posts have been preserved at the top for their valuable wisdom.
I also second the recommendation for attending Alanon meetings for face to face support in your community. It is also a valuable resource of literature and self-improvement books.
I hope you will stick around and read more of the posts by other members, as well as posting/venting anytime you need.
Some of my favorite reading is in the permanent posts (called stickies) at the top of the main Friends & Family page. There are about 14 posts listed with little padlock symbols in the far left column. Those posts have been preserved at the top for their valuable wisdom.
I also second the recommendation for attending Alanon meetings for face to face support in your community. It is also a valuable resource of literature and self-improvement books.
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