My fiancee has an intermittent drinking problem
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1
My fiancee has an intermittent drinking problem
I'm glad I found this forum. My fiancee and I have been together for 2 years and its been rocky to say the least. I've never been much of a drinker although she can't seem to control wanting to go out with her friends and get hammered. She drives her car to the bar and drops her friends off and drives home drunk.
This is only once in awhile though. She goes months without drinking and all of a sudden she starts hanging out with certain friends and starts drinking again and going out all the time.
There was a time where she was prescribed anti anxiety pills (benzos) she took too many got drunk and cheated on me. I havent been the same since. I have a hard time trusting her since the cheating, however, i read that benzos do this to familys and have read hundreds of cases of it. I don't believe her when she tells me she hasn't been drinking and I just think it's a matter of time before another she falls in to another drinking cycle.
I left my ex that I was with for 8 years because she couldn't kick pills. I look back and wonder if I should of worked with her and helped her like I am trying to do now.
We have the most loving relationship I could ever ask for and its killing me that she can't kick this problem even though she knows that I have a track record of walking out and moving on if I feel that my girl isn't going to change.
This is only once in awhile though. She goes months without drinking and all of a sudden she starts hanging out with certain friends and starts drinking again and going out all the time.
There was a time where she was prescribed anti anxiety pills (benzos) she took too many got drunk and cheated on me. I havent been the same since. I have a hard time trusting her since the cheating, however, i read that benzos do this to familys and have read hundreds of cases of it. I don't believe her when she tells me she hasn't been drinking and I just think it's a matter of time before another she falls in to another drinking cycle.
I left my ex that I was with for 8 years because she couldn't kick pills. I look back and wonder if I should of worked with her and helped her like I am trying to do now.
We have the most loving relationship I could ever ask for and its killing me that she can't kick this problem even though she knows that I have a track record of walking out and moving on if I feel that my girl isn't going to change.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
symetrix, welcome to SR. This site is a gold mine of information, experience, strength and hope.
One of the first things I learned here was the 3 c's. I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it. I have absolutely no power over my wife's drinking and pill abuse. She will get better only when she is ready to get better and that's that.
What I could do is work on myself. I learned I had choices. I can choose what I consider to be acceptable behavior and I can set boundaries to protect myself.
I learned that I don't need another person to complete me, I am enough just as I am.
And, I learned that I am allowed to take care of myself and put my own needs first. That it wasn't selfish it was just normal.
Sorry but black out drinking, drug abuse and cheating don't sound very much like a loving relationship to me.
Probably one of the biggest things I learned here was to see reality as it really was not as I wished it would be.
Your friend,
One of the first things I learned here was the 3 c's. I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it. I have absolutely no power over my wife's drinking and pill abuse. She will get better only when she is ready to get better and that's that.
What I could do is work on myself. I learned I had choices. I can choose what I consider to be acceptable behavior and I can set boundaries to protect myself.
I learned that I don't need another person to complete me, I am enough just as I am.
And, I learned that I am allowed to take care of myself and put my own needs first. That it wasn't selfish it was just normal.
We have the most loving relationship I could ever ask for
Probably one of the biggest things I learned here was to see reality as it really was not as I wished it would be.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome to SR, symetrix. I agree with Mike; you can't control her or her decisions, but you can take some time to work on yourself, especially if you are engaged to be married.
A lot of us here who have worked hard on our own "recoveries" from having relationships with addicts/alcoholics find we actually do have a lot of issues! It's not just that particular person who brings us to forums like this and the rooms of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon...its that we actually need to be there. Have you considered any meetings with groups like that? A little personal introspection on why you seem to be attracted to women who have addictions?
I know I learned a lot about myself when faced with a marriage to an alcoholic.
Keep coming back!
~T
A lot of us here who have worked hard on our own "recoveries" from having relationships with addicts/alcoholics find we actually do have a lot of issues! It's not just that particular person who brings us to forums like this and the rooms of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon...its that we actually need to be there. Have you considered any meetings with groups like that? A little personal introspection on why you seem to be attracted to women who have addictions?
I know I learned a lot about myself when faced with a marriage to an alcoholic.
Keep coming back!
~T
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