AussieDave

G’day everyone,
My first post here and sadly it’s not a very nice story either. I’ve just recently turned 55 and for the first time in my life I’m in love with the most beautiful lady I’ve ever known, that is until she drinks. When sober she is truly amazing, she’s just perfect, we have so much in common and work together as one and I couldn’t be happier. On the other hand when she has that one too many drinks she is the nastiest cruellest most vindictive person I have ever met in all my years. She is vicious and violent and just pure evil. I’ve just given her the ultimate ultimatum, me or the booze. I never thought it possible to love the way I love this lady but she is sucking the life out of me with her ugly drunken evil personality.
My apologies for whinging but I have nowhere else to go and no-one to turn too.

wicked

I am sorry about your gf Aussie Dave.
But, it is good that you have found your way here.
There are a great many people who have been where you are and can share how they made it through.
whinging is allowed here.

Beth

Marytherboo

Welcome! Sorry for the pain that brought you here, but you're among friends now. Keep posting, this is a wonderfully supportive place to let it rip and get perspective from people who have been there, survived and even thrived!

EnglishGarden

You are one of the best people she has ever met, AussieDave. You are the rare person who refuses to enable her.

If you love her as much as you say, you will not allow addiction to run the show.

Sober up or we're done......one never knows the outcome, but those are always the most loving words anyone can say to an alcoholic.

Very glad you joined us in recovery.

AussieDave

all for your support, it's greatly appreciated.

I'd been justifying the relationship using the old cliche re the good times outweighing the bad yet iI know in my heart and head that I can't let myself be dragged into the gutter no matter how much I adore, love & cherish this lady.

She stole my heart but that doesn't give her the right to tear it apart.

EnglishGarden

Some alcoholics use words like switchblades.

A good book that describes in detail what happens in an alcoholic relationship is "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews.

Seeing one's experience so vividly there in print.....it helped me tremendously. The specifics were so accurate, as if the author had been in the home I shared with my AH, many years ago.

We have good information here too. Look at the links when you click on any "STICKY" at the top of the forum page.

naive

g'day mate-

my new rule for disrespectful behavior or words towards myself is that i will cease such conversation within 3 seconds.

actually, it happened last night with a friend who was in a bad mood and decided to have a go at me. SR voice in head chimed to me "this is disrespectful".

i made no issue of it, said nothing in my defense, merely "i gotta go now. see you later".

and i left.

and once outside, i was very pleased with myself. i noticed it was a lovely evening, stars out, crisp and clear. and i went for a walk instead.

m1k3

Sorry your here AussieDave and manly ((((hugs))))

One thing I learned here is that Jekyll and Hyde are a package deal. You don't get one without the other. Stick to your guns and walk away if it doesn't get better. Remember, you're worth it.

Another thing I picked up here was the 3 c's.

I didn't cause it. I can't cure it. I can't control it. My wife's drinking was her problem and hers alone. Nothing I did could make a difference. She would only get better when she was ready. So after 36 years of marriage I left. Best thing I ever did.

Keep coming back because this site is a huge help. Just knowing you are not alone can be big difference.

Your friend,

SoaringSpirits

Welcome Aussie Dave. The 3 c's have been so helpful to me --- I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it. If you can attend some Al Anon meetings and educate yourself about alcoholism, it will help you figure out what comes next. The stickies at the top of this forum are also very good. For me, Sober Recovery has been the biggest help. My heart goes out to you. Focus on YOU. What is best for you? What will make you happy? Where do you want your life to be in 5 years? What do you want your life to look like?

painterman

Good luck with this Dave, my partner is the same, totally irrational in drink, says the most hurtful things. You'll come to understand a lot more about the madness by reading here-some lovely supportive people whenever you need them.

AussieDave

Thank you so very much everyone.

She finally acknowledged she has a problem and has given me her word that she will be doing something ASAP about the problem. In fact she did some research whilst at work yesterday after my ultimatum and has assured me that I'm more important to her than the bottle.

Time will tell and I have my fingers crossed as I would hate to lose the beautiful person

naive

dave, they all say that when their enabler threatens to end the relationship.

i hope yours is the exception.

i have found it best to ignore what they SAY and pay attention to what they DO.

Seren

Hi Dave, Welcome!

Sorry you had to find your way here, but this is a great place for support and for venting as needed.

One thing I've learned in dealing with my addicted stepson--actions mean far more than words. An active addict/alcoholic will tell the people around them anything they want to hear in order to maintain the addiction. Only when the actions match the words do you know that true recovery has begun.

I hope that this woman whom you love is truly ready to change her life--for her own sake.

Marytherboo

Chiming into the chorus, Dave--her actions will show her commitment to change. And so will yours. I wasted so many years flailing and flapping with words but not following through on my "old tomatoes," as AH called my empty,pointless ultimatums. You sound like a wise and insightful man, who deserves the real thing when it comes to relationships. Praying that your lady friend steps up and does justice to the love you are showing her by holding her accountable. We're in your corner!

NYCDoglvr

It's painful for all of us but for me it was either leave or die. You seem to understand that there's really nothing you can do to change her. God bless

fedup3

You now have someplace and someone to turn to, welcome, come often and share often we're here for you.

AussieDave

Unfortunately EnglishGarden she's probably the only person not to realise this.

AussieDave

Thank you naive, simple words yet words of wisdom.

A lot of what they do needs to be ignored too unfortunately.

I don't think we are going anywhere in a hurry except our own separate ways. It's killing me but I know I have to do it and I don't know whether I'm strong enough to do it

AussieDave

Thank you naive, simple words yet words of wisdom.

A lot of what they do needs to be ignored too unfortunately.

I don't think we are going anywhere in a hurry except our own separate ways. It's killing me but I know I have to do it and I don't know whether I'm strong enough to do it

AussieDave

Thank you naive, simple words yet words of wisdom.

A lot of what they do needs to be ignored too unfortunately.

I don't think we are going anywhere in a hurry except our own separate ways. It's killing me but I know I have to do it and I don't know whether I'm strong enough to do it