Sadly enough another tale of woe
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 11
Hey Dave
Dave here too.
I commend you on your ultimatum. It is what needs to be done. I am in the same situation as you. Wife is a wonderful person sober. One too many drinks and look out. Had another incident last night. Only this time you went after her mother and father. I told her mother just to leave her in the bar but wanted to protect her. Can't protect someone from themselves unfortuately. I was relieved to know that this has been happening to her parents for years. Seems selfish, but I was relieved to know that it wasn't just me that she does this too. I feel for her parents. I had a good talk with her parents after we got to go to bed. Discussed just letting her crash, since she hasn't reached bottom yet. Cold to say that, but it seems that is the only way she will do anything to take control of the addiction.
I have heard the promises so many times before. But give it a few days and nothing happens, and we go through it again in a few weeks. I am at the point where take action or I am done.
Today she said this "It would be so easier if I just drank everyday" Then she could be sure that she is an alcoholic.
Please now that you are not alone and that we are here for you.
Hang in there! You are doing the right thing!!
I commend you on your ultimatum. It is what needs to be done. I am in the same situation as you. Wife is a wonderful person sober. One too many drinks and look out. Had another incident last night. Only this time you went after her mother and father. I told her mother just to leave her in the bar but wanted to protect her. Can't protect someone from themselves unfortuately. I was relieved to know that this has been happening to her parents for years. Seems selfish, but I was relieved to know that it wasn't just me that she does this too. I feel for her parents. I had a good talk with her parents after we got to go to bed. Discussed just letting her crash, since she hasn't reached bottom yet. Cold to say that, but it seems that is the only way she will do anything to take control of the addiction.
I have heard the promises so many times before. But give it a few days and nothing happens, and we go through it again in a few weeks. I am at the point where take action or I am done.
Today she said this "It would be so easier if I just drank everyday" Then she could be sure that she is an alcoholic.
Please now that you are not alone and that we are here for you.
Hang in there! You are doing the right thing!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Victoria Australia
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Bertwash1 
Dave here too.
I commend you on your ultimatum. It is what needs to be done. I am in the same situation as you. Wife is a wonderful person sober. One too many drinks and look out. Had another incident last night. Only this time you went after her mother and father. I told her mother just to leave her in the bar but wanted to protect her. Can't protect someone from themselves unfortuately. I was relieved to know that this has been happening to her parents for years. Seems selfish, but I was relieved to know that it wasn't just me that she does this too. I feel for her parents. I had a good talk with her parents after we got to go to bed. Discussed just letting her crash, since she hasn't reached bottom yet. Cold to say that, but it seems that is the only way she will do anything to take control of the addiction.
I have heard the promises so many times before. But give it a few days and nothing happens, and we go through it again in a few weeks. I am at the point where take action or I am done.
Today she said this "It would be so easier if I just drank everyday" Then she could be sure that she is an alcoholic.
Please now that you are not alone and that we are here for you.
Hang in there! You are doing the right thing!!
I commend you on your ultimatum. It is what needs to be done. I am in the same situation as you. Wife is a wonderful person sober. One too many drinks and look out. Had another incident last night. Only this time you went after her mother and father. I told her mother just to leave her in the bar but wanted to protect her. Can't protect someone from themselves unfortuately. I was relieved to know that this has been happening to her parents for years. Seems selfish, but I was relieved to know that it wasn't just me that she does this too. I feel for her parents. I had a good talk with her parents after we got to go to bed. Discussed just letting her crash, since she hasn't reached bottom yet. Cold to say that, but it seems that is the only way she will do anything to take control of the addiction.
I have heard the promises so many times before. But give it a few days and nothing happens, and we go through it again in a few weeks. I am at the point where take action or I am done.
Today she said this "It would be so easier if I just drank everyday" Then she could be sure that she is an alcoholic.
Please now that you are not alone and that we are here for you.
Hang in there! You are doing the right thing!!
One of our prime ministers said once "life wasn't meant to be easy" I'd just like to know who the bloody hell decided to make it this hard
To those in the know, Is it common practice for these people to twist what they bring up and blame the innocent party even when sober? My lady will bring up a topic regarding something in my life and ask me a question to which I'll answer. She will then nag and harp about the same subject/question until I pack up and go home {we live 85km or 50miles apart} I've told her I hate being interrogated, I've told her I detest arguing especially over trivial nothings. She shows a pattern so I alert her to the fact that she's festering for an argument, she laughs and calls me various names. I ask several times for her to drop the subject but no, she gets more heated so i get in the car and come home. The insults continue via sms and email sometimes telephone.
Today I've been accused of poisoning my families minds which isn't true and she's sober.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I've never loved like this in my 55 years and this is killing me. I'm a tough Aussie bloke but today I type with a tear in my eye.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Victoria Australia
Posts: 11
Well, it hit the fan last weekend and again this weekend. I'm done with being insulted and assaulted by a drunken lunatic. I've made the decision to walk and have my heart ripped from my chest for however long it takes to heal.
Must say I feel like absolute *h*t and don't really want to be here anymore. Guess a bloke's not as tough as he first thought.
Must say I feel like absolute *h*t and don't really want to be here anymore. Guess a bloke's not as tough as he first thought.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hey dave-
yes, it is common practice to blame-shift. it is a way to protect the drinking: if everything is your fault, she doesn't have to examine her own behavior. it is worse than tiresome and if permitted to continue, will make you confused and doubt yourself.
well, that's what happened to me. the only way i broke that cycle was to keep a daily journal as to what had happened. then when mine confused the facts, i looked up that day and reminded myself that i was remembering correctly and he was blame-sifting.
sorry your heart hurts today but you are sparing yourself further heartache and fall out.
best method, at this stage, is to go no contact, otherwise, you might get sucked back into the vortex. at this stage, they normally promise the world. when that doesn't work, they'll shift to threatening. when that doesn't work, they'll threaten to harm themselves. when that doesn't work, we go back to promising the world.
it's all crazy making. do yourself a favor, change your phone number.
naive
yes, it is common practice to blame-shift. it is a way to protect the drinking: if everything is your fault, she doesn't have to examine her own behavior. it is worse than tiresome and if permitted to continue, will make you confused and doubt yourself.
well, that's what happened to me. the only way i broke that cycle was to keep a daily journal as to what had happened. then when mine confused the facts, i looked up that day and reminded myself that i was remembering correctly and he was blame-sifting.
sorry your heart hurts today but you are sparing yourself further heartache and fall out.
best method, at this stage, is to go no contact, otherwise, you might get sucked back into the vortex. at this stage, they normally promise the world. when that doesn't work, they'll shift to threatening. when that doesn't work, they'll threaten to harm themselves. when that doesn't work, we go back to promising the world.
it's all crazy making. do yourself a favor, change your phone number.
naive
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Yellow Springs, OH
Posts: 109
I'm so sorry you have to go through this, Dave! But you are showing her how much you love her by treating her like an adult woman, respecting her freedom to act as she chooses and allowing her to learn for herself what her addiction truly costs. That is a truly loving act, one that does you enormous credit.
I hope you surround yourself with people who love you now, and spend lots of time taking care of your weary and bruised self. The pain will begin to fade soon, especially if you stay well clear of this lady for a (long) while. It helps me to have a private boundary in my own mind, that I won't seriously examine the pros and cons of getting back together until my AH has been sober for a year. Which may never happen, letting me off the hook for a lifetime! It was touch and go for a bit, but he finally got the message. And I have at least a year to focus on my own issues, which are legion.
Hang in there, we understand how much it hurts.
I hope you surround yourself with people who love you now, and spend lots of time taking care of your weary and bruised self. The pain will begin to fade soon, especially if you stay well clear of this lady for a (long) while. It helps me to have a private boundary in my own mind, that I won't seriously examine the pros and cons of getting back together until my AH has been sober for a year. Which may never happen, letting me off the hook for a lifetime! It was touch and go for a bit, but he finally got the message. And I have at least a year to focus on my own issues, which are legion.
Hang in there, we understand how much it hurts.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Victoria Australia
Posts: 11
Unfortunately nearly everyone has given me the flick for staying with her. She caused a lot of trouble with my family and friends so I'm on my own and feeling very lonely right now
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 8
Thanks for posting Dave - your story sounded like mine. It gave me insight and I thank you again for that. Good luck - I hope we both have the courage to follow through on our words. It is incredibly tough to do it....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
Posts: 134
I did it...i walked away and it was BY FAR THE HARDEST THING you will ever do. Walking away from the one you love, knowing they will not change and having the courage to close your eyes and brave the unknon and start over is even harder....I just did it. SO CAN YOU.
It will be hard to stay away, but once your away for awhile, you will see all that you were about to settle for, just to have love from someone who cant love you the way you can for them.
It will be hard to stay away, but once your away for awhile, you will see all that you were about to settle for, just to have love from someone who cant love you the way you can for them.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Dave - you've posted twice with vague references that you are feeling suicidal. Please call your doctor or, better yet, call a crisis hotline right now. Dial 13 11 14 Lifeline Australia home 13 11 14 - Suicide Prevention, Crisis Support & Mental Health services - Lifeline | Connect with someone who cares
PLEASE reach out for help locally. Things WILL get better and there is help available. ((((Hugs)))) We care. Keep posting.
PLEASE reach out for help locally. Things WILL get better and there is help available. ((((Hugs)))) We care. Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Dave, it is likely you are suffering severe depression, PTSD, or both. You are isolating yourself from your friends and family, not the other way around, and you are addicted to your woman like she's addicted to alcohol.
Seek help from a doctor, counselor, Alanon group, or all of the above.
Cyranoak
Seek help from a doctor, counselor, Alanon group, or all of the above.
Cyranoak
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