akalacha

My A has been pretty much non stop drinking for weeks now. We have been in separate rooms since last year because I can't stand to be around him when he's drinking. Which is just about all the time. He falls down every day. He put a new gash in his head a few days ago. He barely eats. He looks like shite. He looks like a stick man except for his face which is all puffy. Yesterday he took a break for a few hours, was practically sober (I use that word very loosely as in not drunk at the current time). He was going to walk the dogs with me. We got across the road and started on a trail when he said he was dizzy, he had to sit down. This was after walking maybe 50 yards. He sat on a rock while I took the dogs walking. Met him back at the rock, he barely managed to walk home with us. This morning drinking again. Said he didn't feel good. Head hurt, stomach hurt, he's hungry but can't eat. I asked if he would consider going to a Dr. as he is obviously not well. His answer was ¨Why? They'll only tell me to stop drinking¨. That was it for me, had to walk away. I'm convinced he's going to drink until he kills himself. But it sure seems a long, drawn out, painful way of doing it.

ichabod

Days to decades, until he either dies or decides to get help. I'm sorry you are a witness to this. You can't help him but you can help and protect yourself and I hope you will.

Impurrfect

(((akalacha))) - unfortunately, ((ichabod)) is right...some people can drink like that for decades, others, not so long.

To us, it seems a horrible way to live or die, but to the A (including me when I was using), it's just what we do. I was aware of how unhealthy I was, the risks I was putting myself in for but when I thought of these things, my first reaction was "ooh, get high, forget" and the cycle continued.

I'm sorry you're seeing all this, hope you are doing some things just for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

onajourney

thinking of you and sorry for your situation what support do you have friends/family anyone close by.
look after yourself and take care
you cant control someone elses behaviour, put you first alot of support here keep reading, sneding hugs .

fourmaggie

are you in AL ANON?

akalacha

Thanks for your replies. I don't have family and there are no F2F meetings where I live (in Central America). I do have friends, some of whom are very supportive. I have my cats and dogs and they are a great comfort. I also rely on this forum, online meetings and Alanon literture to help me get by.

fourmaggie

ooh gee that is a shame you have no meetings there..

well KEEP COMING BACK...

ichabod

I don't think I would have been able to cope were it not for my cats. Take comfort where you can find it, but don't be embarassed to reach out to other people, particularly those who have lived this issue.

choublak

Where in Central America? I lived in Costa Rica for awhile.

akalacha

choublak, I live in Guatemala.

Head012

I Am Trying not to be like him starting today.

Tuffgirl

Today is a GREAT day to begin the rest of your life. Good for you!

Akalacha - prayers and hugs from me today!
~T

akalacha

Well, it looks like A is detoxing today. He can barely walk so I guess he hasn't been into town to buy booze and it shows. He's sweating, shaking uncontrollably, achey, etc. But he won't go to a doctor. He's done this before. I gave him 1/2 a valium and a glass of milk. I'll make him some soup later, maybe he will be able to drink it. I told him I hope this is the last time he's going to go through this because next time he's on his own. That sounds so cold, but I'm tired of this and can't keep doing it. Unfortunately I don't think this will be the last time. But next time he'll have to call someone to help him because I'm done.

Impurrfect

(((akalacha))) - I knew when my brain, heart, and gut finally all got together and said "I'm done" I felt a peace I hadn't felt in a long time. Don't get me wrong...I still had feelings of hurt, grief, all that, but I think it was when I accepted I just couldn't do it any more.

FWIW, though I got there with my XABF, I'm still trying to get there with my dysfunctional family...sigh. I say I'm done, then get dragged back into the codie/A dance with them and it does no good.

YOU, my friend, just helped me in realizing I need to get back to acceptance..the 3 c's, DNE (do not engage) and NMP (not my problem)

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Carol Star

4 m's- don't mother, manage,manipulate, or be a martyr

akalacha

Carol, we don't have much interaction these days. On the other hand I know detoxing, especially considering how much he drinks can be life threatening. So while I've stayed away from those 4 m's, when he gets to this point I've always felt I had to step in. But no more. This is the last time. He's already told me in the past he'll quit drinking when he's dead. If that's his choice (and it seems to be) he'll have to realize this is the consequence. That sounds so harsh to me when I read it. But enough is enough already and this is too much. I can't continue saving him, especially when he doesn't seem to care about his own life.

Willybluedog

You know that you will always have support here, I consider you a dear friend and I pray that more resources will become available to you and your A.

I have finally learned that deatchment is my safe harbor.

Hang in there dear, you know that all you need to do is ask and I will do all I can.

Big hugs

nodaybut2day

Hi Akalacha...how are you today?

akalacha

Hi again and thanks to all for your replies. I'm doing much better today. A has not had a drink since Thursday and while better than he was, he's not in good shape. But I've backed off and what he does or doesn't do from here on out is up to him. I'm going to work in my garden, do some laundry, walk my dogs, spend some quality time in my hammock taking care of me.