ela

My Husband is recovering from Oxy addiction due to injury on Oxy about 5 years he is now 5 months clean just finished a 9 week relapse program. There he met a 26 yr old she is still using but being weaned off by her doctor due to that she has to enter rehab on court order to get her kids back. I think my husband has become obsessed with helping this girl. I dont like it it is disrupting our everyday lives. He says it helps him as well to talk with some one that is going through the same things.
Any feedback would be appreciated

ichabod

I think I'd talk to your husband's sponsor.

NYCDoglvr

AA/NA says no one should sponsor someone until they have at least a year. And, it's strictly men with men, women with women.

ela

He tells me nothing is textbook and it helps him to know that he is helping someone. Apparantly she has no one wich I get its cause due to her addiction she lost her kids and her family is giving her tough love. so he feels he is the only to help her.
thx for listening

ela

Apparently they are sponsering each other, I do have a call into a centre to set up a meeting with a councellor for myself. My feelings about this are up and down like a yo-yo. I did talk with my husband today and he said they would not meet as often. I feel drained,

ichabod

Ela, the point of a sponsor is to have someone more experienced in recovery to help guide people who are newer. Two newbies won't have much to offer other than companionship, which may be what they are both after but sounds very dangerous to me.

Keep your eyes open.

heathersweeds

I am a firm believer in the men with men and women with women rule! And if your husband is in NA he knows better. This is dangerous ground!

kiki5711

he's become her "night in shining armor". Very bad combination. He should not be sponsoring her or guiding her. She'll fall in love with him and destroy your family.

choublak

Just how exactly is she sponsoring him if she's still using?

kiki5711

well, she's done so much damage to everyone around her that they're all sick of her manipulation and selfishness.

Your husband is next on the list and it appears to her clearly that he's "willing". Get an elder to talk to him, you will only sound like a whining wife.

FlyerFan

I would treat this situation with extreme caution. Like the others have stated it sounds like this could be a very dangerous thing if you allow it to continue. I know your husband may think he is helping this girl but usually when members of opposite sex try to help each other, other feelings develop.

ela

Talked with my husband and explained all of the above scenarios, and that there is a reason it sponsors should be men with men and women with women, and although he has good intentions on helping her is he willing to risk our Marriage should worse case scenario happen, I told him it has to end and that she needs to find herself a woman sponsor. He agreed
Thx again for all your feedback

ela

Done Ive told him it has to stop due to all of the above and he agreed

Mavis1

Plenty of men out there with Oxy addiction, if she's still using maybe he wants to befriend her for a supply of drugs. He could speak to a man about recovery, doesn't need to speak to this woman, just the fact that she is still using indicates he is using with her. don't beleive it, druggies will say most anything to get the drug...I know first hand..best of luck to you and your family. m

Cyranoak

He's lying. Period. And probably cheating too. What he's doing is completely inappropriate by any standard and that fact that you believe him is mind boggling.

Cyranoak

Florence

Everyone above is right. This is shady, it's against the AA/NA norms, and it's really bad form for both addicts. This sounds like a case of the addicts conveniently deciding that they know better than the ESH of the program, which is a clear sign they aren't thinking clearly and honestly about their recovery.

Another possibility (and if this has no merit on your situation, kindly ignore!)... My husband has always been uneasy with other men. There is a reasonable explanation why which isn't important, but he never believed in himself as a grown man, always felt inferior, and always sought out the friendship and mentorship of women. One major step in his early recovery was rebuilding his ability to do guy things with other guys that didn't involve a case of beer and a handle of whiskey just to lubricate the situation -- which he finally did in rehab and AA.

kiki5711

Well it wouldn't bee so bad if the woman was 30 yrs older and not that good looking. They might be compatible in helping each other. BUT if the lady in question is pretty, sexy etc.....it's NOT helping and it's going to lead to a sexual relationship under the pretense of supporting each other.

FlyerFan

Yes, and the fact that he agreed shows that he values your relationship. (hopefully)

ela

We have been married 31 years this Oct he is 51 and she is 26, I told him picture it if it was me supporting a 26yr old male. 31 years or 9weeks (that is how long he has known her) I believe by him agreeing he picked 31 years.
Thx again for all your feedback

Justfor1

If a person is spiritually fit than it is okay to sponser the opposite sex. It doesn't happen too often but it does happen. Hopefully, his intentions are to work the steps with her.