LostinBA

Well for those of you who have been following my saga, after about 5 months my Saga is over.

After signing the divorce papers, they have been filed and approved and the marriage is over.

I received one last email at the office telling me how to take care of the dog, how he was sensitive and all.

I replied with Goodbye.

Office email has been changed thanks to my friends in the IT department.

Cell phone number has been changed.

Therapist and friends said that if I didn't do that, i would probably start hearing from her in 5 or 6 months when the "divorce honeymoon" period is over. I know right now I'm not strong enough to not react/interact so I have done everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen. Perhaps in 6 months it won't matter to me anymore either.

I'm going next week to interview some people in a new office in another state for a job. Basically it's mine, just want to make sure I like the people there. Means I will be out of this state in a month or two, nothing is fast anymore.

I'd like to say that I'm perfectly happy with all of this, but I think it's probably pretty normal for me to be slightly depressed about it. It's disappointing, but I have pretty much (not completely yet) come to terms with it not being in my control.

It is truly difficult to think that I invested about 8 years of my life with someone, just to find out that I never "really" knew this person.

At first I thought my world was ending... now there are just a few times when I get a touch sad. Those times are getting fewer. For those of you who have to go through this, remember that with time it gets easier.. It's not great to say goodbye to someone you care about, but it's not life ending.

I read a post earlier about one of our members who said she was feeling suicidal. I remember that feeling/time during the process. It's tough, but one of the things that kept me going was the "hope" that things would work out and we would get back together. That hope with time changed to me "hoping" I would be okay. It's changing again for me now to hope that I can be a better person.. Sooner or later it will change to me hoping I meet some one new. It just takes time, so give yourself that time.

Don't be afraid to reach out to all kinds of "healthy" outlets. I utilized my friends, family, and this forum at first. The three together gave me the strength to try Al-Anon and finally a therapist. All together it made for a winning combination for my personal sanity.

I survived the loss of a friend, wife, home, material items, and a piece of me. Now I'm ready to open my eyes and see who people are (including myself) without the blinders on. Somewhat scary, but exciting as well.

Someday I'm sure I will forgive her (or forget the painful parts), but right now I'm okay with not being ready.

Thanks to all for their support.

CatsPajamas

I know how difficult this is as I have been thru it. Even though I was the one who took action on the divorce I was still very sad when my marriage ended. I finally had to give myself permission to grieve. I grieved the loss of the dream, the loss of the friendship and the loss of my marriage. I went thru all the stages of grief, and I had to allow myself to feel all the feelings associated with them. My friends in Al Anon really helped me along the way, and they didn't judge me or set a time limit on my grief. They just listened to me, some shared their own ESH, and they loved me thru it.

I'm sorry for your loss, but I can also tell you that there really is light and life and love on the other side. In time, I found a healthier partner.... once I was healthier myself.

Cyranoak

I know it hurts. I've been there.

Well done Sir. Well done.

Milly39

Its ok to feel hurt and disappointed - healing will come in time.
Take care of yourself in the meantime and best of luck to you in your future career.

painterman

Thank you for this post you have given me renewed hope for a better future, sometimes I feel pessimistic but all my rational thinking tells me it's a waste of good energy, and you've put your energy in the right place-well done you.

MsGrace

wow Lost....I have divorce envy! I am nowhere near finished...my AH refuses to supply discovery docs to draft a settlement agreement, and he's happy to have me continue to rack up legal fees while he fired his attorney. Now he can just drunk email my atty, and happy to have me pay.

I'm sorry you're feeling a bit beat up...but at least it's over for you and you can re-build now. I'm stuck in alcoholic purgatory...

LostinBA

MsGrace. Thanks for the kind words. Beat up is a fair statement, but the bruises will heal with time. Sorry to hear you are having trouble. For me it's hard to tell who is worse, the spouse, or the attorney that gets paid by the hour! I think I would keep a closer eye on the attorney. Maybe you can set some guidelines with him/her to meet certain requirements by certain dates. I'm relatively sure the court can force him to do something... As much as it stinks to have to do it, play hardball with him. For me the court part was outside of the relationship, pure business. It was easier to deal with facts than emotions and my attorney understood that. Good luck and let me know if I can provide any moral support along the way.

MsGrace

Thank you Lost...I appreciate it! I have no contact with AH...and thankful every day my attorney is between us. Our deal is simple, but we cannot force him to respond rationally. (or respond at all) Currently his line of thinking is that since he couldn't bully me, his attorney or mine, he'll just wait for his chance to bully the Court. I doubt it will go well for him. For my side, the time line goes way out, along with the atty fees. But we can't force him to settle. So I wait....talk to my friends in SR when it all gets too much!

thanks again!

onajourney

Lost in BA i have found help in your posts here you are inspiring and proof of what can be achieved, formal endings of relationships is hard. I lived with an active A ( still active ) for 14 years and am now with DD 6 months away, well done to you. days are good and bad but so much better i hope your interview goes well. grass is looking greener here all the time.

Mavis1

best of luck to you, you are strong and a power of example for so many. best of luck to you. m

MsPINKAcres

from another one that has been there, done that and managed to recover and LIVE again ~ I just wanted to send you a note of encouragement ~

Take good care of YOU and your recovery - for me that is what helped me thru that time of healing, grief and renewal

Some days it didn't feel like it - but there is a new bright future ahead ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita