justrae83

We took a break 6 weeks ago from a 6 year relationship...I THOUHT he would get better and want me to come back to him and give him another chance to make it right. I loved him with all my heart and soul and wanted nothing more then to be with him, but not if he was gonna drink. We lived together and had a dog...I WAS HAPPY, SO HAPPy with him. But only didnt like when he drank a few times cuz he went to rehab and got sober but slipped up. We went on a break cuz I found out he did coke on new years after 4 years of being sober.

I sent him and email the other day saying how much i missed him and hoped he was good and I still loved him. Then, I got a text last night that not only crushed my soul but made me suicidal...I get this VERY VERY long email from him saying that he will always love me and charished our memores but found somoene else. Someone that dosent judge him or keep records of wrongs and that he loves with all his heart. He told me that! He also told me that he never felt this way about anyone in his whole life and that God put her in his life for a reason and blah blah blah. I wanted to cry, scream, go to his house and knock his teeth out all at the same time. WHY WOULD SOMEONE TEXT someone that?! I was pouring my heart out to him and he had to tell me that...

In that LONG text he not only said he loved her, but how they fell in love and how much they love each others bodies and he dosnt feel like a piece of **** around her. He also said he is marring her and cant wait to spend his life with her and her 4 children. I called his friend to confirm this and he said it was true. I cant stop crying all day and last night.....he even told me that she has problems with her ex and her family but he is willing to face those for true love. WHAT AN AS**OLE! When we were dating he didnt want to do that, he wanted me to aplogize and work on my family for him.

I have never felt more betryed, hurt, suicidal, shocked and EVERY BAD FEELING YOU CAN FEEL in my whole life..

PLEASE HELP ME.

laurie6781

Since we are not really equipped to help with someone who is suicidal try one of these national phone numbers, for your own well being:

1-800-273-8255

or

1-800-784-2433

Either or both numbers can give you local contacts for your area.

Love and hugs,

suki44883

I'm sorry you are feeling hurt and betrayed. He did a really rotten thing, but, I have to believe that in the long run, he did you a huge favor. There is no way that he is truly "in love" with this other person. He's just found someone who doesn't mind that he is an addict. All the crap he said was said only to hurt you. You dared to take care of yourself enough to leave him and he didn't like that. He doesn't want a strong woman, he wants a woman who will be quiet and let him do whatever it is he wants to do.

The best way to move on and get over him is to go NO CONTACT. No texting, no phone calls, no emails, no visit, no anything. I know it's hard to do, but once you have some time to realize what a jerk he really is, you'll start to feel better.

wanttobehealthy

ditto to all that suki said...

TakingCharge999

Dear justrae83,

I lived the same thing 3 years ago. And I was also suicidal. I had never been so hurt in my entire life. He also got someone right away and paraded this to me.
(Someone who drank more than he did, BTW).

Think of these actions as further proof you are better off away and God, or whoever is watching over you and protecting you from further hurt. Or even death. Who knows what someone in coke can do to others around him?


Today someone reminded me my XABF is still with his GF (we still work together but gladly almost never have to interact) and ugh! it hurt a bit. But I am in no way close to how I was feeling 3 years ago! I have stopped caring. It does not feel this way but you will be able to mourn this and keep on. This is the human psyche.

People capable of hurting others this way are not worth it. When I expressed my feelings to a therapist, she said "you might feel he is rejecting you, but you also rejected him".

I was not willing to shut up and let him drink while driving when I was in the car, I was not willing to shut up to let him verbally abuse me, I was not willing to act as if life was normal when he was abandoning me in many ways every day.

What you did takes guts.

Would you trust him again anyway?


3 years out.. I realize there are WONDERFUL people out there. Hang in there. It does not feel like there is life afterwards, but there is. There are many good things to look forward to, and many gifts to be received. And partners to meet who actually want the best for you and would NEVER, EVER EVEN DREAM about putting you through this pain.

Let us know how you are doing , hugs from Mexico from me and my cats.

TakingCharge999

I recommend the book "The Grief club" by Melody Beatty. It was the voice of compassion I needed and the one thing that made me feel less alone. (Well, that and posting in SR)

janiebluebird

Take a deep breath a relax. He's not as happy as he's letting off, and if he's rushing into that much responsibility that quickly, with someone he hardly knows, its already set up to fail. Its not going to last. Lasting relationships take a lot more than that. He's a fool if he thinks its going to be "Happily Ever After". Don't envy him. You'll be ok, really. I'd bet he'll be back. Just worry about yourself for the time being. Thats all you have control over - you.