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Is a bloated face a cause for concern? Hello friends... About 6 months ago, my ex-boyfriend and I parted ways because of his drinking problem. In the meantime, I have been doing my very best to take responsibility for my part in this and to keep the focus on me.... I do still care about him, but I already know that since I'm not "God" there's nothing I (or anyone, else for that matter...) can say or do to help him see that he is in need of some help... One of my recovery goals is to learn as much as I can about the disease of alcoholism. When we first spilt up, I found myself taking things very personally, but the more I have learned about the illness, the less I find myself doing that.... Now for my question... My mom happened to be on FB the other day, and through a friend of a friend, she saw a picture of my ex-boyfriend. She said it didn't even look like him and his face appeared to be very bloated. Is this a cause for concern? A few things came to mind when my mom shared this with me... First, I thought to myself...."wow, he must be drinking a lot, if his face is bloated..." Then, I thought..."oh, no.... Could this be the beginning stages of liver/kidney failure?" I already know that I am just as "powerless" over alcohol as he is...... I once wrote that while we, as loved ones suffer from seeing those we care about slowly destroying themselves with alcohol; their suffering is so much greater than ours...... I suppose that no matter which side of the fence someone is on, none of us is free from the anguish that the:c021: disease of addiction causes.... |
I have seen bloated faces on people who abuse alcohol, and also drugs. I really don't know if that would be a sign of kidney or liver failure. I think it has a lot with vitamin deficiency and dehydration which then causes the edema (swelling). I've definitely noticed this in men who drink heavily, and especially as they get older. |
hi diva- i can't answer your question, but please consider asking your mother to not feed you any more information about your xABF. for myself, no contact was best for my own peace of mind and any information fed to me just rattled me and sucked me back into that vortex. there are lots of red puffy faced drunks out there in the world. why obsess over this particular one? |
It never bothered Hugo http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DgTKnVAyLO...s1600/539w.jpg To be serious however, I agree with naive's advice |
Hello Naive... Thank you for your reply... I already asked her not to share anymore information with me regarding my ex... From what I have learned about Alcoholism, given that it's a progressive disease, it shouldn't surprise me that he's not looking so great these days... Maybe he'll learn, maybe he won't.. Either way, I am ok! |
When I drank hard I would get fatfaced, but since you're learning about the disease now you should know you have to let him overcome the beast by himself (regardless of how terrible it will be on him). |
Hello Tallwater... First and foremost, congratulations on your decision to become and stay sober.. I am really happy for you;) And thank you for sharing honestly... I really do appreciate it.... Diva 76 |
Maybe the question here is not whether it should be a concern, but whether it should be your concern. It sounds like you might be getting yanked into something that is really not your business. Detachment can be really hard, especially when those around you don't help you with it. There is really no point in theorizing whether his facial swelling is the result of his drinking, a bad night's sleep, or too many salty snacks. If he is truly your ex, it isn't really your problem anymore. |
Hello Purple Squirrel... While, he may be my ex, I do still care. Being in recovery for me means being honest about my feelings. I'm still learning about Alcoholism, so I was attempting to understand the seriousness of this type of symptom. I once said in an Al-anon meeting that I can scream or cry...or;I can laugh and smile.... If an alcoholic chooses to drink, he/she will do so no matter what I do.... So, yes...while I am choosing to do my best to come to terms with such sad circumstances, I really want to do so by understanding the disease to the best of my ability and without anger, which I'll admit was something I struggled with when we first parted ways.... This also isn't the first time I have been involved with someone who's had some "issues" shall we say, so I am well aware that I have plenty of work that I need to do on myself first, before I can get back out there again! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I really do appreciate it... All the best, Diva 76 |
Hello Anvilhead... Thank you for sharing your thoughts.... Diva 76 |
Reason #4,567,476 why Facebook sucks and is evil... Seriously, they should have named it codependentvoyeurs.com. "My mom happened to be on FB the other day, and through a friend of a friend, she saw a picture of my ex-boyfriend. She said it didn't even look like him and his face appeared to be very bloated. Is this a cause for concern?" :headbange |
Hmmm...I'm not sure if that last remark was a dig or not? I realize it's hard to tell not knowing the personality on the other side of the screen? In any event, I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to reply... For me anyway, codependency can be just as brutal as addiction itself.... Maybe in the future I will share more on that when I'm ready.... |
Maybe he is replacing alcohol with food & going to a lot of all you can eat buffets? While alcohol could be making him "puffy" there could be many other things as well. |
Diva, I get your concern. I'm the wife of a recovering alcoholic and the sister of one who will drink herself to death. I do not have contact with her but am kept up to date by the family grapevine. It is normal to care. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. At the same time, getting wrapped up in concern doesn't help him and it hurts you by keeping you enmeshed in his situation. Say a prayer or send good vibes then stop and move on. It's hard, but you can do it and not feel like a bad person. |
I used to know a girl who was bulimic and her face was bloated. So who knows... My mom doesn't have Facebook. She says, "I don't have time for all that crap". |
What is happening to him is irrelevant. It's fine to be concerned about him but let go of reports of pictures of him. You must focus on your own issues because that's where your real power lies. It sounds like you've made a great deal of progress during the time away from him .... be proud! |
Originally Posted by Diva76
(Post 3309843)
Hmmm...I'm not sure if that last remark was a dig or not? He's happier after dumping me He's has a new "love" and they're happy as clams He began seeing her well before he ended things with me So the result of my spying was a deep hurt that I am still working on. It's a great social site if all is well, but it will often lead to further entangling ourselves in people's lives, which will only bring us more hurt. I had to block ole Ma and Pa Kettle ( ex and his new love) before I drove myself insane with more questions. Maybe you could do the same and ask those around you to as well? Just some thoughts based on my experience :) |
For me anyway, codependency can be just as brutal as addiction itself.... |
Originally Posted by Diva76
(Post 3309843)
Hmmm...I'm not sure if that last remark was a dig or not? I realize it's hard to tell not knowing the personality on the other side of the screen? In any event, I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to reply... For me anyway, codependency can be just as brutal as addiction itself.... Maybe in the future I will share more on that when I'm ready.... another way to get all emotionally knotted up over something that could be a big fat lie. Or not. More little bones to pick over, to see if you can keep from feeling. It is brutal, but if you are aware and willing to change, you will get better. Beth |
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