NeedHappiness

HE left but we are still trying to hang in there.... still talking and still see each other once or twice a week. He's been gone almost 2 months.... I am much happier living alone for now but at times I do get lonely. He is still an active A but keeps telling me he is "working on it". I'm not holding my breathe.... as we have been down this road many times over the years. I'm sure that many others have heard the same quacking......

ODAT63

He left, well I left first, then we were together, then I left, then he left for 16 years we play the game, finally after a year sobriety HE left, divorced, did not want to talk to me, then got drunk, wanted to come back but It was to late..game over..I did not take him back.
It still hurts, I miss him or the crazyness..not sure but overall, me and my kids are in recovery.
God did for me what I could not do for myself...a miracle happened and I am free to be myself and work in my recovery.
And there are plenty of healthy fish in the ocean.

VMVM

Oh how I wish I could turn back time...But unfortunately, I can't ....My A has taught me many lessons that I wish I didn't have to learn, but I'm not in charge. I learn what I God thinks I need to know.....

BuffaloGal

Lemmee hear ya say AMEN, brothers and sisters!

I am as happy as a clam, and I left my aexh, but the two statements don't have much to do with each other. My life isn't perfect-- I'm sitting here with 4 space heaters running because the furnace is broken and I can't afford to fix it, which tells you all there is to know about my finances, for example-- but the good parts are fantastic, and the bad parts are bearable. I'd share more details but my fingers are freezing so I'm about to go in the bathroom where it's warm.

I am deeply sorry that I left the way that I did, but I know that in the long run I would have lost a great deal of myself if I had stayed and nothing had ever changed. On the plus side, I've learned that letting go of a person and letting go of love aren't the same thing at all. I don't want to have a relationship with my aexh, but I still love this person, and I'd pay a high price for loving him if I still lived with him.

jamaicamecrazy

I ask myself this question all the time. And most days I am just as happy as I make up my mind to be. Other days I just need to feel the pain of letting him go.
I left almost 2 years ago. I saw things escalating that were going to be unhealthy for me and him. He was blaming me for everything and began to be verbally abusive.
Folks ask me if my life is better. I don't think its better-its different. I focus on me, what is healthy for me, ways to keep growing, the lessons these experiences are trying to teach me.
And my life certainly does not have to be worse.
I traded some of the good things in our relationship for other good things in my life and relationships with other people.
And the bad things are things I can put on the list entitled "Not my problem anymore".
I'm not happy it came down to me having to leave but I know it was what I had to do for myself.
I know I will not go back to living with an active drinker again.
Now, I know I still harbor a hope-however unhealthy some may think it is, that he will someday seek sobriety. If this were to happen and if he were willing to work on rebuilding trust and respect for one another, then I'm in. I know it would be a difficult road but we have been through difficult times together before. Those are lots of "ifs". That is how I feel right now. I have not been able to break ties completely. Who knows how I will feel as I continue to work on me.

Verbena

I've stayed. I should have left about 16 years ago. I have lived to regret that decision. But, about a year ago I quit feeling sorry for myself and start building a new life while staying in my marriage.

Things have improved for me over the last year. I set some boundaries with my husband. He has honored them. I found new friends. I found several social outlets to support my interests in reading good literature, gardening and decorative sewing.

This weekend My AH is on the downside of a really painful gout attack. He hasn't had a beer in 7 days. He says he's got to give up his beer because he's to old and afraid of the pain. He asked me to get rid of his beer. I did. I gave a 30-pack and six single beers.

I've learned after a living with an alcoholic is that you can't believe anything they say about booze. Do I have hope he'll quit drinking? Nope. Been there and done that.

But, I can count on Me, a couple of good friends, and my three grown sons.