Thumper

Recognizing, acknowledging, and processing my feelings has been a real area of struggle and continued growth. It is one thing that keeps me here.

2-3 years ago I basically could not do it. I was angry/resentful/full of rage. I had guilt, fear, and confusion. I did not process any of that. I couldn't even name other feelings much less recognize them and deal with them.

So today I went in to peel a banana and clean ripped the top off What on earth. Take a moment Thumper - what is that about? What am I feeling?

I had an IEP meeting for my son today. It actually went very well, he is doing well in school, but those things are not fun even if everyone is laughing and singing praises around the table. You talk about and analyze assessments that are done for one reason - identifying standard deviations below the norm. Ugh. Anyway - I think I need to sit with that for a second, take a 1/2 hour break, process it, and then start in on my day.

Two years ago, or maybe even a year ago, I would have done no such thing. I would not have recognized any of that.

I felt like my recovery was so slow or not happening (I even posted here a few times) but I think it is finally coming bit by bit. I'm pretty sure the rest of my work day will be more focused and I'll be a calmer more focused mother tonight by way of processing tension etc. from this morning instead of stuffing it down and ignoring it or denying it. For me, that stuffing leads to weird emotional fall out later that isn't really about what is going on in front of me at all. I then try and repress all that because it isn't appropriate and I end up very emotionally flat. Which is not healthy for me or my kids.

One step forward today. I hope I can pick up on things like that more and more.

LuvMySis

Stuffing hasn't worked well for me, either. It sure sounds like you're doing a great job.

Congrats on Post #2,000! Thanks for everything you have contributed to the site, which has helped me very much.

ODAT63

[QUOTE=LuvMySis;3303307]Stuffing hasn't worked well for me, either.
What a concept! It took a divorced from an A and a heck of a lot of pain to understand that I had so much stuff inside that I became totally irrational. Thank you for posting all.

LifeRecovery

I can also relate to the "stuffing" feeling, but it was this part of your post that really struck me today.

I have been working my own recovery a long time. The part of recovering from living with a problem drinker is more recent but has kind of been absorbed into the whole.

I am really struggling right now because though I overall feel really okay, I am struggling to do nourishing things for myself. I know that is the icing on the cake of my recovery and I have a good foundation, but doing things I enjoy like hiking, swimming etc has been such a challenge. It was nice to see that someone else experienced progress even when it did not "feel" like progress at the time.

naive

Willybluedog

With my mom it was always like a pressure cooker, she would just not say anything, as as the heat turned up on the cooker you knew it would blow, but never when, would the pressure relief valve work and she would just scream or would she turn into a bomb and start beating me with something. You could never get far enough away from her when she blew.

For me it was different, I ate all the stress, all the pain, then I would get sick, stomachache, neausea, vomiting, etc. because as a child we were never allowed to explode like my parents did so we went inward.

My therapist tells me that recovery is alot like climbing a snowy mountain, 2 steps forward, one step back, sometimes you fall and lose ten steps, but at the end of the day, end of the week, end of the month, end of the year, you can see progress, forward motion, maybe it is not as fast or as easy as you want, but it is progress none the less, then you know you are winning.

NYCDoglvr

Thank you so much for posting this, it's wonderful to see the progress. This is the hardest part of my recovery. Sitting with myself and letting my feelings come up. Taking responsibility for the craziness inside me. But there is progress.

TakingCharge999

This lesson is invaluable and my sister and I talked about it today, I have felt really bad due to work issues and cried for 2 days! I felt really bad! but I reached out to some peers for moral support, went on with my feelings trying not to judge myself so harshly, even bought a book about dealing with stress at work (the few pages I was able to read helped me today)..

Before I would have been stuck in victim mode.. once I recognized my own shortcomings, took responsibility of them.. and recognized the good stuff and my qualities as well.. I was able to see reality more clearly, felt more self assured

Its great to feel the progress! I have also felt I have gone nowhere but then I have these moments and I realize I have moved forward! YAY! thanks for sharing your progress with us