SoaringSpirits

I'm therapist shopping after deciding to make a change to a female counselor with more expertise in alcoholism and associated issues. I am separated from my AH and it will be permanent. Our marriage therapist has provided me with some referrals to female counselors and I am going to start making calls and interviewing them.

What are some good questions to ask a potential counselor?
Any other feedback about finding the right therapist would be appreciated.

Also, has anyone attended a separation/divorce support group? Was this helpful?

Thanks!

choublak

Google their names and see if anyone wrote reviews on them.

AntoinetteP

Therapist shopping is hard. Don't go by the letters after their name. My very first therapist was still working on getting those letters, but she was astute and figured out my unusual symptoms and guided me to a therapist better equipped to handle my needs (I was diagnosed as a Multiple before it was 'chic', or whatever you'd call it)

After ten or so years with the right therapists, I moved across the country (from NYC to the middle of nowhere, Washington State). My first therapist was a disaster, and even though I got those vibes right from the start, I thought of it as resistance. In a light interview with her before I moved, she seemed okay, she had the 'right credentials', but we didn't really click. I stuck with her way too long, until my life truly became 'unmanageable' (not because of alcohol, but because of the clash in psychology, or whatever). Heck, I knew there was trouble when we had a minor scuffle about dogs drinking from the toilet. She was 'against' it, I think it's a given. That was a big clue that we just didn't mesh. There were a few other disasters along the way, so I learned to trust my gut. My last and most effective therapist had no experience in MPD, but she wanted to learn. We clicked.

My best advice? Go with the gut. If you meet a therapist and you feel that click, just go with it. That shrink may not have the 'proper' letters after his/her name, may not have the right experience, but if you click with him/her, go for it. If that person still clicks but doesn't have the right knowledge to guide you, chances are they will have good ideas on where to go next.

Good luck.

Willybluedog

Antoinette is absolutely right, 100%!

The only thing I would add is that there are what I call "active" therapists and "passive" therapists. Which one works for you depends alot on your personality.

Active therapist, push, they challenge, they give you homework to do, they want you to get better sooner.

Passive therapists are more what you might think of as a tv version of a therapist, they umm-hmm and they let you find your own way, "how do you feel about that" etc.

I am a hardheaded, stubborn, petulant, pain in the a$$, I need an active therapist.

My therapist can be as gentle as a lamb or as tough as a drill sargeant, she does not let me get away with things we both know are BS, she pushes, she digs into the corners of my mind, she gets crusty and cranky with me. And she is exactly what I need for me to get better.

She told me at our first interview, I will push you, I will call you out, I will not waste your time and mine by sitting here and nodding at you while you say whatever you want.

So yes, find out how your potential therapist operates and go with your gut.

MsGrace

I am in divorce myself, and have for many years run a divorce workshop called "Second Saturday". It is for women. You may check to see if there is one where you live: Financial Freedom Planning-personal finance education and advice. (look under divorce workshop tab)

Here is what I would ask: what is your area of specialty, if any? Do you have any specialized training in addiction? I have found that even in the medical community, people who understand the mechanism of alcoholism is a very small crowd. A secondary line of questioning may be if they have experience/training with codependency. Above it all, interview them and trust your gut. It can be a very intimate help mate if you get the right one!

LifeRecovery

I have had a number of therapists over the years.

All offered me the opportunity to meet with them first as an "interview" for both of us, with no strings attached. I have needed that for all of them.

Of the three-four people I have seen they have been very different, but they were all what I needed at the time. Initially I did not even have a grasp of what I needed I just knew that she "specialized" in the problems I was experiencing. To me it sounds like you have a better handle on some of what you need. I think you get to say what it is you need and ask if that is something he/she thinks can be worked with.

I have also experienced a beautiful synchronicity with these relationships, when I trust myself (go with my gut) it is amazing what has unfolded.

SoaringSpirits

Thanks so much Willybluedog for putting into words what I was struggling to formulate in my head. My prior therapist was helpful but very much the passive type, which ultimately did not work for me. I'm a go getter type person and need someone to be active and also call me on things, give homework, all that. This was so helpful --- I could not seem to create a profile of what was bothering me about my current therapist.

Thank you everyone for your input. I'm taking notes. This is really helpful. I need to work with someone this time around who really 'gets' alcoholism. Sometimes I think my AH and I wasted a precious final year together where things got irretrievably worse spinning our wheels with a counselor who did not see the red flags as he should have --- and call us on them. Makes me sad.

I'll check out the divorce link. Sometimes I can't even believe it's me who is looking at a divorce support group. I was going to be married forever. It's all so sad.

Willybluedog

I believe we all got married with the intention of it being forever so please don't harbor any guilt about that.

I joke that my first marriage was excellent training for my second marriage, but in a way it is really true, I learned to focus on what was really important and let all those little things slide on by.

You will do great, listen to your head, and your gut as well as your heart and all will turn out fine.

Big hugs,

Bill