KristenTX

Hello, my name is Kristen. I am a newly, young empty nester that was conned into taking in my brother by my own family.

I knew my brother drank, but I had no idea how much and to what lengths he would go to drink. I guess he is a functioning alcoholic, he works 12 to 14 hours a day and is a pretty well known chef.

My father is an alcoholic, but I was not raised with him, my mother used drugs around us and drank, but I guess I just didnt see what was truly in my world.

My brother has been with me now for 3 months, he has completely ruined my apartment, he comes home and proceeds to just drnk himself into a stuper. He can get violent, he is very moody, and I am so passive, I just hide in my room and as long as he is quiet and does not disturb the neighbors, I feel I am ok.
Truth is, my heart is breaking for him, I live in fear, I am stressed, I am going broke trying to cover his share of things, I have very few friends, and no family to turn to. I have been around people that drink a bit much, I grew up knowing I could very easily become one, but I really have not been exposed to the horrific life until now.
I feel isolated, embarrassed and alone. I am seeking to find an Al Anon group, but I do not even know where to begin with that.
There are so many family secrets and wrongs done, I understand why my brother is in so much pain, but I do not understand the drinking until you pass out, the rage, the denial and how he thinks it is ok to treat me and others this way.
I am not one for spilling my life out, sharing my secrets, exposing the evils of my life....but I am at my wits end...
Kristen

MsPINKAcres

((Kristen))

Welcome to our SR family

Hate so much you are living in this harmful and violent situation ~ everyone deserves to live in a safe place.

Please continue to reach out here for support, I hope that you will find a nearby al-anon meeting - they helped me tremendously!

We often speak of the 3 c's
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it

BUT you can take good care of you and make decisions based on your best welfare~ it's the most loving thing you can do for you and for your loved one - You are allowing them the dignity and opportunity to find their own self-worth to find a better way for themselves too!

PINK HUGS!
Rita

stillsleeping

Pink hugs is right - as a high-functioning alcoholic I can tell you that your brother's situation is our of your control. I really hope you find an al-anon or similar - you need to be around other people who know where you're at. This forum is amazing too - keep posting and people will absolutely reach out to you.

Good luck, and don't live in fear, especially of someone that you love.
xx

Tuffgirl

Welcome Kristen. Thank you for sharing - it is the first step to a more peaceful and serene life - opening up to others that we are experiencing things that are out of our control. I am with you; I don't normally share my secrets with others, especially strangers online or in 12 step meetings. Until I got so desperate that I did. And amazingly, it was the best thing I have done for myself to date!

Read the "stickies" at the top of our forum page - lots of great resources and information there. Check out Al-Anon meetings in your area, and try different ones until you find one that feels right. How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico can help you locate meetings.

And keep coming back! You are not alone.
~T

KristenTX

Well, wow...I am thankful to be heard and for the direction and advise. I have been searching already for a Al Anon group, I am planning on attending my 1st one tonight.
I am certainly reading all I can on this site and finding I see myself in so many of these stories.
I am sure things will get worse before better which is why I am now seeking guidence and support. I know my passive self will take whatever it comes to and then lie and defend it....I want to help myself and understand my brother and his sickness more before we both lose....
Thank so much, and I will search thru the forum and also search for a group.
Thanks again so very much...
Kristen

Wing

Kristen, I was dating an alcoholic and addicted chef acting like your brother for a few months and broke up for 5 mths... But the drama just stopped 2 weeks ago in a really bad way

I'm so sad too... I'm so wounded. I start to hate him now but at the same time I have empathy too. His mom was also alcoholic and shared weed with him since he was 11.

He was so sweet in the beginning but later he became so manipulative, yelling and hitting doors and walls when he got drunk. Yelled at me 'u hate me now?!'... But actually i was just worried about him... And because he's working very long hours, he started to be so paranoid that he suspected that I had other guys and he didn't like me going out with gfs. I was trying my best to prevent him from being so insecure..

We may not be able to help them. It hurts to see him destructing himself. I had told him 3 times with tear that i didnt know how to handle anymore... I afraid that id have emotional breakdown soon... Finally it really happened. Take care of your emotion now... Go for counselling. I'm gonna have my 4th counseling session on Thu.

Ridiculously, I found that therapy centre for him more than half a year ago as he told me that he wanted therapy treatment. I found it for him but he never went. Finally, I called there for help for myself ... Now I have to fix my emotion which was affected by the A relationship..

Pls ask for help before u get emotional breakdown
Take care.

Pelican

Welcome to our SR family Kristen!

Please keep reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.

I will share two of my favorite stickies with you. This first one has steps that I followed while living with an active alcoholic. It helped me to regain my sanity and focus:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

This next link takes you to a sticky post that contains excerpts from the book "Under the Influence". After reading the excerpts, I went out and bought the book. It was a valuable resource in learning more about alcoholism. Here's the link:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

tjp613

Welcome Kristen!

KristenTX

Thanks so much for the out reach and response. I am nervous, but looking forward to going to my first meeting tonight....I am in this on my own, but I truly want to help my brother along the way as well....
Thanks so much for the welcome, I will read and continue to post..
Kristen

KristenTX

Thanks so much for the out reach and response. I am nervous, but looking forward to going to my first meeting tonight....I am in this on my own, but I truly want to help my brother along the way as well....
Thanks so much for the welcome, I will read and continue to post..
Kristen

Cyranoak

Why in the world are you not telling him to move immediately? Are you scared of him? If so, it's another issue altogether.

C-