Thumper

You asked in your first post where he learned about how families operate. He learned it the same way we all do - at home when he was a kid.

Your kids are learning too.

That was a hard one for me to accept but as my kids got older, and the drinking progressed, it was becoming more obvious to me. It is still hard to accept. I can provide lots and lots of examples and there was no abuse or violence in my house. We didn't even argue or raise our voices at one another until the last 2 months when he went off the deep end after I filed for divorce.

inpieces314

Yeah, I agree, the kids are affected, and they think this is normal, so they don't react like you think they should (what is going on, how can he act like this, etc.) This is what they are used to.

My mother told me once, one of the few times she ever talked about her childhood, that she went to a sleepover when she was 12. She was amazed that the parents weren't screaming at each other and throwing things and the dad wasn't stomping off to drink in some corner somewhere while the mother cried. She thought that was what all families did. She was TWELVE.

It's sad, because that was carried on to her own family (not the drinking, but dysfunction nonetheless). People do as they have been taught. The cycle never ends. Not until people realize what they are doing and put a stop to it.

kieren

Well I am guessing that his house, considering how he was an only child, his father worked away all the time and his mother was never in (socialite, not work) that he must think all households are - um empty. I grew up in large family, there was always noise and my father was a stern parent but he didnt beat us and he didnt drink, we just had rules.

I have made an appoinment. It is not for a month but that will give me time to gather the information i think I will need for it. I am going to be asking what I need to do, what information I should be recording etc to gain the best advantage for myself and my children.

I am a control freak, I want to be in control of this situation (me walking) so the more information I can garner the better. I am also terrified of debt. I dont mind being broke as long as the bills are paid. So I want to be sure I can leave without any of his stuff clinging to me. I had that with my ex and it was horrible. I am also very worried about where I will live. Rent in my town is horrendous and, on my wage, unaffordable. Govt assistance in that dept is not great and without somewhere decent to live how do i keep my youngest with me? These are the things I worry about...........

MrsBrown

i can vouch for that i have always drank while i was making dinner and continue to drink while everyone else ate then only after i was drunk i would eat and pass out. he doesnt want anything interrupting his buzz