suki44883

You are not obligated to discuss his recovery, nor are you obligated to listen to gospel lectures. You might just tell him that you are happy that he is doing well in recovery, but you don't wish to discuss it, and that if you want gospel lectures, you'll go to church. Sorry, but what he is doing just sounds creepy to me.

choublak

His recovery is very much HIS problem. Don't feel guilty.

EnglishGarden

His brain is still very much affected by the disease and will be so for at least the first six months of recovery.

It is all right to ask for what you need. If you want no contact, or scheduled contact which lasts five minutes once a week, or every two weeks....whatever you want, it is your right to state your needs and have them met.

It is all right to turn him over to the recovering community to discuss his recovery and his ideas about God as a part of that with THEM. It is all right to say you do not want to discuss any aspect of his recovery until he has six months sobriety. Or a year. Whatever you want.

Addicts are enmeshed and dependent on people and part of recovery is learning to stand as independent persons.

Decide what your boundaries are and state them and stick to them.

And you are tired. Down. Of course, how could you be otherwise? Just hang on and let God carry the story.

Pelican

It's okay to control what type of information enters your brain.

If his descriptions of recovery and his biblical references are making you uncomfortable, say so.

"I am uncomfortable listening to you speak of _____________"
"If you continue, I will end the conversation"

Say what you mean,
Mean what you say,
but don't say it mean.

If he continues to discuss religion and treatment, state your case and hang up;
"I am not going to listen to anymore, bye"

He will learn to stop these discussions or find himself speaking into airwaves without an audience.

sesh

I second Pelican's advice. That is something I'd do, as well as pointing nicely that taking part in his recovery is distracting you from your own, and that you need your own space in order to heal.
I don't think he'd get it right now, but if he stays true to his recovery, I think one day he will.
It seems to me what he is doing right now is trying to get you involved so he'd feel safer, he needs you to carry part of his burdain for him ( I aslo believe his new found religiousness comes from fear). If you go for it, I don't think you're doing any favors either to him or yourself.

I suggest maybe you'd like to read again some of the stickes to help you let go of that guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty for. Keep repating that until you believe it.

nodaybut2day

So, first off, you're right, you are not obligated to listen to his gospel. You can quickly cut off any discussion by telling him that you're happy he's in recovery but that it's his business entirely.

Second, you continue to pay for his living expenses because you feel guilty about leaving him...but, why did you leave him in the first place? Was it perhaps because he was...getting blotto every day and choosing booze over the relationship? Methinks you had a legit reason to leave, and so, there's really no reason for you to keep supporting this clearly capable ADULT man. Give him the dignity of finding his own way and fending for himself.

m1k3

OK, the Chinese post is gone so that response isn't needed any more. Thank you Mods.

OP, I found the best thing for my serenity was going no contact. I don't care if she is in recovery or not. I don't care how she is doing.

I too am still supporting her but I have finally taken the step to start the divorce. I totally understand the guilt but as least in my case it is time to move on.

I have discovered the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

Your friend,