Lala03044

Hi,

I think everything for me boils down to this one question: Does living with a dry drunk mean one still can't get bread from the hardware store???

There seems to have been a honeymoon stage when he was newly sober. He was affectionate and open with his feelings. Now that is gone.

I seem to remember my sponsor telling me this was true and one of the reasons to keep attending alanon, so we can learn to accept and live with it.

My marriage has hit a rocky spot. I plan on discussing this with my therapist when I see her again.

Denial still lives in my brain.
If this is true, then it would be like an Oprah "aha moment" for me. I need to work on accepting this.

Alanon says we can be happy whether the alcoholic is drinking or not and so it must be also true we can be happy whether partner has program or not.

Laurie from NH

Freedom1990

Hi Lala and glad you posted your concerns.

You might want to read a post I wrote in the past regarding just quitting drinking:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-symptom.html

Not only am I a recovering alcoholic/addict, but also a recovering codependent. I was engaged many years ago to a dry drunk, and the end result was a lot of pain. I finally hit my codependent bottom, and have continued to work on those issues ever since then.

Sending you hugs of support!

lizatola

Thank you, Freedom, for sharing that because I often wonder that about my AH. He just quit drinking but he was a dry drunk for 15 years. He had all kinds of emotional issues but wasn't drinking. When we got married I thought that just quitting drinking was going to be enough and I agreed to go through with the wedding. Came to find out, I was in for quite a shock. Anyway, I appreciate this thread!

Lala03044

I read that post.

I appreciate it very much.

take care,

Laurie from NH

AntoinetteP

My husband is a dry drunk, but by the time I met him he'd been that way for over 16 years. I can say from experience, that if he gets through the rough times okay, it's possible. He will mention drinking, but only as in 'this really makes me want to hit the bottle, but I won't', and he doesn't.

I hope this gives you some hope. He's never been in therapy or any 12 step program, he just is very determined, and yet very patient and loving with me and everyone.

NYCDoglvr

Sounds like you've grown quite a bit. Denial is at the heart of addiction, whether it's another person or booze. It's a process we all must go through but it's so worth it. You're strong and certainly on the right track. As I learned, there are good days and then there are learning days

wanttobehealthy

My stbxAH has stopped and started back up with his drinking often for the past 8 yrs and I have often felt like the worst times were when he was not drinking. Alcoholism is not just about the drinking. It's the mindset, the behaviors etc that lead to the drinking and that remain when they're not drinking unless they make an effort to change....

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this...

FindingJoy

Freedom excellent post....that would like e saying just get rid of the addict and I won't have any Codie bahaviors anymore. HA he's been out of my life for 7 weeks now and I'm focusing all of my energy on healing my self and self esteem.

You all are so amazing for sharing. So healing for me. Thank you.

MsMahon

Please can someone tell me what a dry drunk is. The expression comes up often, but I don't understand it.

Thanks

:}

Freedom1990

A dry drunk is someone who is abstaining from drinking, but still has the same character defects and attitudes of an active alcoholic (self-centered, grandiose thinking, blame-shifting, etc). There is no program of recovery in place.

My disease is threefold...physical, mental, and spiritual. If I don't address all three areas, I'm no more than a dry drunk, and believe me, I've had those periods more than once, which were horribly miserable.

Make any sense?

MsMahon

Thank you Freedom. That makes perfect sense.

I've also experienced this when he tries to stop drinking using medication instead of a programme. It was awful for him and for us.

Thanks again. My whole world is getting clearer thanks to you all.

Much love and hugs

xxxxxxx