Is there a polite way to ask someone...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 120
Is there a polite way to ask someone...
... if they're an alcoholic?
I have a sort-of part time job with a youth organization. I am one of the adult leaders in the group. We have a group of about 80 ish 12 - 18 year olds and about 10-14 staff members. We, the staff, are a pretty tight group.
Recently someone moved into our area who also worked with the same youth organization where he was (it's national) and he asked to join us. We took him on because he seemed to have a wealth of experience and an area of expertise that we were somewhat lacking.
All the staff members always go out for a late dinner after all the youth go home and up until now we have always NOT had alcohol at dinner. Not because anyone told anyone not to, but just because that's the way it was... everyone was happy with it and everyone knew they also had to drive home after dinner.
However ever since this new guy came on with us, there has never been a night where he hasn't drank alcohol with dinner. And I'm not talking just a small glass of beer. He orders a PITCHER. Sometimes someone else will have a glass, but even if no one else does, the pitcher always gets emptied by him even though he drives home. He also tried to encourage the rest of the staff to drink with him. He also talks about drinking a LOT. (He has never said or done anything inappropriate when the kids have been around though).
I know of one time that our boss at the youth organization called this guy on his day off from his regular job (firefighter) to ask him to go do something and the guy said sure, but he would have to sober up first (it was the middle of the day!).
There have just been a lot of little signs like that that make the hairs stand up on the back of my neck...
Like I said he has never *seemed* drunk while "on-duty" with the kids... but it seems like every second that he's not working, he's drinking or else he'd rather be drinking.
I'm not really good friends with the guy, and the only reason I'm concerned at all is because we work with kids.
I've already asked our boss if he thinks the guy could be an alcoholic and we've both just agreed that we'd keep our eye on the situation...
Would I be completely out of line if I brought up the subject of his drinking (and how much he does) with the guy himself? Or just step back and keep an eye out cause it's really none of my business otherwise...
I have a sort-of part time job with a youth organization. I am one of the adult leaders in the group. We have a group of about 80 ish 12 - 18 year olds and about 10-14 staff members. We, the staff, are a pretty tight group.
Recently someone moved into our area who also worked with the same youth organization where he was (it's national) and he asked to join us. We took him on because he seemed to have a wealth of experience and an area of expertise that we were somewhat lacking.
All the staff members always go out for a late dinner after all the youth go home and up until now we have always NOT had alcohol at dinner. Not because anyone told anyone not to, but just because that's the way it was... everyone was happy with it and everyone knew they also had to drive home after dinner.
However ever since this new guy came on with us, there has never been a night where he hasn't drank alcohol with dinner. And I'm not talking just a small glass of beer. He orders a PITCHER. Sometimes someone else will have a glass, but even if no one else does, the pitcher always gets emptied by him even though he drives home. He also tried to encourage the rest of the staff to drink with him. He also talks about drinking a LOT. (He has never said or done anything inappropriate when the kids have been around though).
I know of one time that our boss at the youth organization called this guy on his day off from his regular job (firefighter) to ask him to go do something and the guy said sure, but he would have to sober up first (it was the middle of the day!).
There have just been a lot of little signs like that that make the hairs stand up on the back of my neck...
Like I said he has never *seemed* drunk while "on-duty" with the kids... but it seems like every second that he's not working, he's drinking or else he'd rather be drinking.
I'm not really good friends with the guy, and the only reason I'm concerned at all is because we work with kids.
I've already asked our boss if he thinks the guy could be an alcoholic and we've both just agreed that we'd keep our eye on the situation...
Would I be completely out of line if I brought up the subject of his drinking (and how much he does) with the guy himself? Or just step back and keep an eye out cause it's really none of my business otherwise...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
When I have been in situations like this in the past, I was a supervisor and there was a company liability issue. In my opinion this could be handled three ways.
1) The supervisor needs to tell the guy that they would prefer he either drink in moderation or not at all.
2) Refer it to the national office for direction from them and their attorneys.
3) Call the police, give them a description of the car and when he leaves and tell them he is driving drunk and let them handle it.
I would not get into it with this guy, just do your duty as a citizen and a co-woker.
Best of luck,
Bill
1) The supervisor needs to tell the guy that they would prefer he either drink in moderation or not at all.
2) Refer it to the national office for direction from them and their attorneys.
3) Call the police, give them a description of the car and when he leaves and tell them he is driving drunk and let them handle it.
I would not get into it with this guy, just do your duty as a citizen and a co-woker.
Best of luck,
Bill
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: North America
Posts: 1,628
Believe it or not, drinking beer is not considered by all people everywhere to be an abomination. Most people do not turn into warewolves upon consumption of alcohol.
http://wine-economics.org/workingpapers/AAWE_WP79.pdf
My choices are for me--I choose to not drink. I do not concern myself with the out-of-work behaviors of my effective and honest coworkers. Their lives and preferences are thiers, not mine.
http://wine-economics.org/workingpapers/AAWE_WP79.pdf
My choices are for me--I choose to not drink. I do not concern myself with the out-of-work behaviors of my effective and honest coworkers. Their lives and preferences are thiers, not mine.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,547
It's possible that he is an alcoholic. What good will it do to ask? If he is, he'll lie (to himself and/or to you).
Someone who drinks a lot will, of course, require more and more alcohol to get drunk. That's probably why he can drink the better part of a pitcher without showing any effects.
What can you do with this info? Fire him?
Someone who drinks a lot will, of course, require more and more alcohol to get drunk. That's probably why he can drink the better part of a pitcher without showing any effects.
What can you do with this info? Fire him?
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
He could very well be intoxicated while "on the job" as well. Beginning stage alcoholics can hide it fairly well.Working with kids and a firefighter??!! Yikes those are two jobs where being under the influence could be very dangerous. Maybe ask him directly about his drinking. Telling a supervisor, without proof, would not look too good. IMO.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
So far his off duty drinking has not impacted his job performance from what you have written.
However, if I was sitting there at dinner/supper and watched him drink a whole pitcher of beer, you can bet when he left I would be on the DUI hotline with the description and license plate of his vehicle and the direction he went.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
However, if I was sitting there at dinner/supper and watched him drink a whole pitcher of beer, you can bet when he left I would be on the DUI hotline with the description and license plate of his vehicle and the direction he went.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
I've had a very similar experience. My daughters are involved in a national youth organization similar to girl scouts. A group of parents manage the local chapter. We meet a few times a year for potluck dinner and a meeting. There is usually a little bit of wine served, and people might have a glass at most. A parent new to the club clearly had a drinking problem, as she really put down the wine and was too intoxicated to drive home one time. We stopped serving wine after that but it was an awkward situation as then SHE would bring wine. We finally let the national office in on it. They were concerned about liability since if she was having dinner and even it was only loosely associated with the organization, if she drove afterward and killed somebody in her car, the organization would be named in a lawsuit. We made a chapter rule "no alcohol at any chapter-related events, ever." It seemed OK because after all, it was a youth organization. We had the parents sign an "Adult Code of Conduct" the national office provided for us. Over time this woman finally faded away and left.
What he does on his own time is his business, but if he drinks heavily at anything associated with your organization, it's YOUR business because it's your liability at stake.
What he does on his own time is his business, but if he drinks heavily at anything associated with your organization, it's YOUR business because it's your liability at stake.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 120
Thanks all for the advice/opinions!
I had another little chat with my "boss" yesterday and he told me that he thought my suspicions were correct about this guy. Apparently he learned of something that happened but couldn't tell me anything specific because we were not alone.
My number one priority is of course the safety of the kids. What the guy does on his own time is none of my concern. I won't hesitate to call the cops if I ever see him acting inappropriately around them. I also will never let one of them get in a car with this guy whether I think he's been drinking or not.
Anyway as mentioned I will leave it up to my superiors. At least I mentioned the possibility and made them aware of my suspicions and now my "boss" can decide if he wants to bring it further up the chain... depending on whatever the incident was...
I had another little chat with my "boss" yesterday and he told me that he thought my suspicions were correct about this guy. Apparently he learned of something that happened but couldn't tell me anything specific because we were not alone.
My number one priority is of course the safety of the kids. What the guy does on his own time is none of my concern. I won't hesitate to call the cops if I ever see him acting inappropriately around them. I also will never let one of them get in a car with this guy whether I think he's been drinking or not.
Anyway as mentioned I will leave it up to my superiors. At least I mentioned the possibility and made them aware of my suspicions and now my "boss" can decide if he wants to bring it further up the chain... depending on whatever the incident was...
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