bruggy88

Yeah, I didn't know other people could be on the list! Part of why I was curious. Whoops.

I did tell him in the follow up conversation I felt like it was a little bit manipulative, and he apologized, and I do forgive him. Like we've established, I shouldn't have asked and he probably shouldn't have disclosed. Right now I'm just going to give it a couple of more months and see what happens. I am enjoying the relationship and we both kind of snafu'd this weekend.

I haven't seriously considered 12 steps for my ED, mostly because Overeaters Anonymous seems to put a lot of emphasis on meal plans and I think that would be triggering for me right now (restricting-binging cycles, how I love you). I am in group therapy for depression, though. The Al-Anon suggestion is helpful, especially considering I've never dated a RA before and I have a lot of questions about it. I don't know if I will find a meeting immediately, but it's on the table. I'm also sort of wary that if we are both attending 12 step meetings the temptation to overshare will crop up again, and I don't want to feel like I'm doing it "for him" or even "because of him", really. I think it would be helpful for me either way, just because of my history. Right now I'm thinking it's something I want to try.

Thanks again, you guys really know your stuff

choublak

Well, if other people are on the list, and the alcoholic feels resentment toward them, that is his/her personal problem to work through...to be honest, resenting someone because they are "too fat/thin" doesn't even make sense to me, but whatever...

LifeRecovery

I did not do OA either. I have been pleasantly surprised how much support I get from Al-anon about life in general. I don't get direct support on my ED, but if the reason I want to engage in the ED behavior is because of my codependency stuff I certainly have others that can relate to that feeling. Their behavior around it might be different, but the stuff we are reacting to is the same.

Group work in general helped a lot (I did an eating disorder group for years).

Regardless, what a great learning experience you had around this.

choublak

"he used his step work to put me in a position where I know he is unhappy and I should change for him"

Maybe, he's thinking, 'if I have to change for her (by not drinking), she should have to change for me".

inpieces314

Yup. That's it. Which almost guarantees a relapse, if he isn't quitting for himself. Drinking should not be used as a manipulation tactic.

Florence

Co-signed.

Co-signed.

So many large, flapping red flags here.