AH respects all boundaries...except for 1
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 15
AH respects all boundaries...except for 1
He came home drunk one night after I asked him not to and climbed in the bed with me stinking like campfire. I went to go sleep in the guest room and haven't been back. That was 6 weeks ago.
I laid out my boundaries which were that I didn't want alcohol in the house and I didn't want him to come home after he has been drinking. I also asked that he refrain from speaking to me unless it was necessary. His behavior has hurt me and I just didn't want to converse with him. He seems to be taking me more seriously now that I moved out of the bedroom like I said I would. The exception being that he is still trying to start random small talk.
We have 3 kids and I am doing my best to keep my anger from them. Our days are normal but once AH gets home he tries to start conversations while the kids are around. I'm guessing its because he knows I wont snap. Or maybe he's trying to make me snap?
Either way, I am not in a position to leave for the time being. There has to be some way to get him to understand that I don't want to talk to him. And I don't want to be angry in front of the kids.
I can understand him not caring much about how is actions effect me.....but why not how it effects his kids?
All things considered with alcoholism....he is a fairly decent dad. Its mostly me that his drinking effects. For the most part he tries to keep his drinking from the kids.
I laid out my boundaries which were that I didn't want alcohol in the house and I didn't want him to come home after he has been drinking. I also asked that he refrain from speaking to me unless it was necessary. His behavior has hurt me and I just didn't want to converse with him. He seems to be taking me more seriously now that I moved out of the bedroom like I said I would. The exception being that he is still trying to start random small talk.
We have 3 kids and I am doing my best to keep my anger from them. Our days are normal but once AH gets home he tries to start conversations while the kids are around. I'm guessing its because he knows I wont snap. Or maybe he's trying to make me snap?
Either way, I am not in a position to leave for the time being. There has to be some way to get him to understand that I don't want to talk to him. And I don't want to be angry in front of the kids.
I can understand him not caring much about how is actions effect me.....but why not how it effects his kids?
All things considered with alcoholism....he is a fairly decent dad. Its mostly me that his drinking effects. For the most part he tries to keep his drinking from the kids.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by paigemc 
Its mostly me that his drinking effects. For the most part he tries to keep his drinking from the kids.
I'm sorry you aren't in a position to leave right now. Keep working on your exit strategy if that's your end goal.
In the meantime, you don't have to respond to his small talk.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
What about a standard line like "I do not feel like talking to you" something simple and easily repeatable so you don't veer from a set script an you don't snap.
You can always tell him all important discussions must take place via email an things you don't deem important will be ignored.
It's just one more boundary, but this one just needs more reinforcing than the others.
Best of luck,
Bill
You can always tell him all important discussions must take place via email an things you don't deem important will be ignored.
It's just one more boundary, but this one just needs more reinforcing than the others.
Best of luck,
Bill
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I can understand him not caring much about how is actions effect me.....but why not how it effects his kids?
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 196
Negotiating with an alcoholic is like talking to a zombie. It just brings the worst out of you.
It is so much better if the alcoholic takes steps towards being sober and responsible. My husband is now back in an outpatient program again and going to AA again. I was very lucky to have my Father-in-law come in and help my husband sober up again when he relapsed this past January.
It is best for you to take care of yourself first. I actually sleep in our 2nd bedroom on a double bed along side with my 21 month old son who sleeps in a crib--so much more peaceful. My husband snores. And when he has gone through relapses in the past, it was easier on me to just shut the door, get a good night sleep, and then check on him in the morning to make sure he was okay.
It is better when they are sober--less stress, because you are already trying to keep up just being a positive mother.
It is so much better if the alcoholic takes steps towards being sober and responsible. My husband is now back in an outpatient program again and going to AA again. I was very lucky to have my Father-in-law come in and help my husband sober up again when he relapsed this past January.
It is best for you to take care of yourself first. I actually sleep in our 2nd bedroom on a double bed along side with my 21 month old son who sleeps in a crib--so much more peaceful. My husband snores. And when he has gone through relapses in the past, it was easier on me to just shut the door, get a good night sleep, and then check on him in the morning to make sure he was okay.
It is better when they are sober--less stress, because you are already trying to keep up just being a positive mother.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
If he cared about how it effected the kids (or thought it did) he'd also care about how it effected you. He thinks YOU have the problem, not him, so he's not going to care about how worried you are about him impacting the kids... He thinks you're delusional and that there is no problem other than your "nagging". It's the alcoholic denial.
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