Dry Drunk
 

Hello,

Is there anybody out there who is happy even though they live with a dry drunk????

My husband is sober 10 years, for which I'm truly grateful. No program.

I still feel this huge wall between us. The one I used to blame the alcohol on. And now I can't.

Hmm, well you posted on my other thread about getting sober without AA. My AH was sober for 15 years, but I think he was just a dry drunk. Passive aggressive, blew up at the smallest things, blamed me for things that weren't my fault, depressed, anxious, and very angry at the world. He always had a poor poor pitiful me outlook on the world. And, this is why I asked about being sober without AA because he never worked a true recovery plan, he just quit drinking.
So, I guess I can't say that I was happy with a dry drunk. But, there may be others out there with a better story than mine. I'm looking for input on this, as well. I'm sorry you are struggling, you are not alone.

If by dry drunk, you mean that the person continues to display all the unpleasant behaviours of someone who drinks, then no, I honestly don't see how one could be happy in such a partnership.

Just because the man is sober doesn't mean you are bound to stay married to him. You have a right to happiness...

Call me cynical or negative but I don't see there being a ton to be grateful for in his being sober. If he isn't drinking but the behaviors haven't changed, then he might be "dry" but he isn't of right mind and he isn't a partner with you in the way a healthy, in recovery person would be.

I felt when my AH stopped drinking everything would be solved. That was wake up call #1. He was still angry and resentful and a jerk. He just wasn't drinking. That's not recovery and he is STILL an alcoholic and behaving like one. Don't let him tell you that it's you and nothing satsifies you and that he's not drinking so what's the problem. The problem is that he is an untreated alcoholic who just happens to be dry.

This alcoholic (20 years) would be a very different person without the incredible support of AA. My best thinking got me drunk and unless I change that thinking I will a miserable, angry, self-centered person. I've heard it called "M & M": me and more. And, if you take the alcohol away from a drunken horse thief you still have a horse thief. Recovery is a process and it takes time to change and grow.

Is he willing to go to therapy? Is he willing to take action to grow and change?

Sorry, I have no experience with this, BUT I read something on here the other day that made a lot of sense to me (and made me chuckle)..

I wish I could remember who said it to give them the proper credit, but it went:

"You can wring the alcohol out of an ass-hat, but then you'll still be stuck with an ass-hat".

Or something like that...

I've never liked the term dry drunk. To me, it means giving alcohol the "credit" for someone's lousy behavior. Some people are just jerks. Blaming the alcohol for the behavior just makes excuses for it. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable, whether there is alcohol involved or not.

L