How each day has gone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: ny
Posts: 13
How each day has gone.
Hi all
I have been thinking about what each day is going to turn out like and thought maybe I should just post how each day has gone.
Day 1,
because of the night before started out like nothing had happened, he got up wanting to continue on with our day and just forget what happened.
I said that was not going to happen and I was not going to work but I would drive him if he really wanted to go and pick him back up.
we talked on the way and I stood my ground that this was not going away and that we had alot to talk about on what I wanted to happen
After talking withh Family and friends I decided to try to help him if he was willing to change.
Day 2
Woke up and got see I don't have a problem and he thought just because he didn't drink for one day then that would be it. So if he felt like drinking Sunday night then that should be ok.
Nope not for me, so after some talking I said if you want to drink then you will have to do it somewhere else you will have to leave, but that I could not live on this roller coaster anymore. He said how long I said 6 months he agreed to 3 and then we would go from there. summer is coming and he said if I wanted to have a couple of drinks out on the lake that should be okay. I said let get through the 3 months and then talk about it then.
My goal was to try to get him by Monday to go talk to someone.
Sunday went well we went out together and got what we needed from the store and then he said he was hungry and we went to eat it was not a bad day at all. that night we talked more and read what to look for if he was going to have withdrawls, That scared him.
He talked to only 1 of his friends that called and said that he had stop drinking , which I thought was great.
He seemed to be looking forward to being able to stop feeling so down and when he drank he got either happy or really down , I never knew which one it would be happy stumble to bed or a night of my life sucks, you name it
Day 3
Monday another really good day, and good night, better then we have had in months said he felt alittle shacky but not to bad, came home and it was a good night we laughed some and just had a very calm evening. still didn't want to talk to anyone felt it wouldn't help him he was worried if he started taking something to calm him down he would then be addicted to that.
Day 4
Called him during the day, he said he felt hyper and frustrated with how he day was going, the parts didn't arrive for the motor he was working on and it was really pissing him off, I said why don't you go get them (gaskets any auto parts store) He was like yeah maybe I should. he called later to ask what was for dinner and what he felt like take out, okay I will call it in and you can pick it up. but before you leave check you Blood pressure for me and call me back.
so he did and it was not too high so I felt better.
He got home and was pissy because he had a bad day and that he felt like a beer. and how someone had told him it wasn't good for him to just stop cold turkey that he should come home and have a couple.
I talked to him about this and said we could go and get him some help with the withdrawls, and that if he thought he couldn't do this then he should tell me.
I have the attitude of it is his choice but I don't have a choice anymore he can not live here if he continues drinking.
How I feel is that he is hoping I will just let this slide after awhile and he can go back to drinking when ever he wants and while at first it just might be 3 or 4 eventually it will be back to everyday, him asking how many are left in the frig and weather or not he has enough for the night or needs to get and 18 or 30 pack
and if there was 12 in the frig the next question would be are you drinking tonight too, because if you are then I will not have enough, and if I said I wasn't and then changed my mind he would get pissed because there was not enough....
Today is the start of day 5 and it is like I can see where this is starting to go many of you have more then likely been down this same road, for me it is the 1st time I have said that's it I am done with this, I think he thinks if he can just stop for a while then I will just let it go, and soon he will be drinking again, and then part of me feels he might like being sober and really turn his life around.
just kinda feeling like well not really sure how this is going, but that I am seeing warnings signs that this is not going work, he will choose drinking.
and I don't think he beleives me when I say he will have to leave.
His son is coming over for a few days tonight maybe him seeing how the boys feel about him not drinking will help him. They are both 12 so they are aware that he drinks all the time.
I have been thinking about what each day is going to turn out like and thought maybe I should just post how each day has gone.
Day 1,
because of the night before started out like nothing had happened, he got up wanting to continue on with our day and just forget what happened.
I said that was not going to happen and I was not going to work but I would drive him if he really wanted to go and pick him back up.
we talked on the way and I stood my ground that this was not going away and that we had alot to talk about on what I wanted to happen
After talking withh Family and friends I decided to try to help him if he was willing to change.
Day 2
Woke up and got see I don't have a problem and he thought just because he didn't drink for one day then that would be it. So if he felt like drinking Sunday night then that should be ok.
Nope not for me, so after some talking I said if you want to drink then you will have to do it somewhere else you will have to leave, but that I could not live on this roller coaster anymore. He said how long I said 6 months he agreed to 3 and then we would go from there. summer is coming and he said if I wanted to have a couple of drinks out on the lake that should be okay. I said let get through the 3 months and then talk about it then.
My goal was to try to get him by Monday to go talk to someone.
Sunday went well we went out together and got what we needed from the store and then he said he was hungry and we went to eat it was not a bad day at all. that night we talked more and read what to look for if he was going to have withdrawls, That scared him.
He talked to only 1 of his friends that called and said that he had stop drinking , which I thought was great.
He seemed to be looking forward to being able to stop feeling so down and when he drank he got either happy or really down , I never knew which one it would be happy stumble to bed or a night of my life sucks, you name it
Day 3
Monday another really good day, and good night, better then we have had in months said he felt alittle shacky but not to bad, came home and it was a good night we laughed some and just had a very calm evening. still didn't want to talk to anyone felt it wouldn't help him he was worried if he started taking something to calm him down he would then be addicted to that.
Day 4
Called him during the day, he said he felt hyper and frustrated with how he day was going, the parts didn't arrive for the motor he was working on and it was really pissing him off, I said why don't you go get them (gaskets any auto parts store) He was like yeah maybe I should. he called later to ask what was for dinner and what he felt like take out, okay I will call it in and you can pick it up. but before you leave check you Blood pressure for me and call me back.
so he did and it was not too high so I felt better.
He got home and was pissy because he had a bad day and that he felt like a beer. and how someone had told him it wasn't good for him to just stop cold turkey that he should come home and have a couple.
I talked to him about this and said we could go and get him some help with the withdrawls, and that if he thought he couldn't do this then he should tell me.
I have the attitude of it is his choice but I don't have a choice anymore he can not live here if he continues drinking.
How I feel is that he is hoping I will just let this slide after awhile and he can go back to drinking when ever he wants and while at first it just might be 3 or 4 eventually it will be back to everyday, him asking how many are left in the frig and weather or not he has enough for the night or needs to get and 18 or 30 pack
and if there was 12 in the frig the next question would be are you drinking tonight too, because if you are then I will not have enough, and if I said I wasn't and then changed my mind he would get pissed because there was not enough....
Today is the start of day 5 and it is like I can see where this is starting to go many of you have more then likely been down this same road, for me it is the 1st time I have said that's it I am done with this, I think he thinks if he can just stop for a while then I will just let it go, and soon he will be drinking again, and then part of me feels he might like being sober and really turn his life around.
just kinda feeling like well not really sure how this is going, but that I am seeing warnings signs that this is not going work, he will choose drinking.
and I don't think he beleives me when I say he will have to leave.
His son is coming over for a few days tonight maybe him seeing how the boys feel about him not drinking will help him. They are both 12 so they are aware that he drinks all the time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
What should I say?
that he's manipulating you?
That he's going to continue to drink whether it be in front of you or lie about it behind your back...until HE decides he has a problem....and he ain't there yet.
You spent 5 days babying his candyA$$ for what? You know he's going to drink...the first excuse he can find.
Maybe I'm a cynic but I've been there and it SUCKS!
besides...
negotiating sobriety is not the way it works. He is either an A or not. he either can control his drinking or NOT...
he doesn't get to say...oh I'll be good for 3 mos just to shut her up then I can drink as much as I want.
I'm just warning you now...this guy is no where near ready to accept he has a problem and moderating the alcohol may work for a little while ...but he WILL go back to being a full blown out of control A....and quickly and all you'll have to show for that time is you'll be 3 mos older, have alot of stress and worry..and you'll be kicking yourself for believing in him.
My A likes to say "I went to AA for you but stayed for me". I always counter with.."no, you went because you wanted to continue being married and having access to your kids"
LOL...
true...but i took the hard line...he went to treatment or me and the kids were GONE. He had 24 hours to find a meeting and go...he didn't. I grabbed a hefty bag and said..get your sh#% and get out. He asked for another chance...he promised he would go...and he did. He is now 18mos in recovery with NO slips, as to me...I will not accept the unacceptable so if he can't handle being sober he can be alone.
Is it easy...NOPE. He's still an a##hole most of the time.
He's super selfish and thinks the world hinges on his every whim and thought...
very much still in the A thinking...
but at least I'm not worried for my safety, I'm not cleaning up pee from the carpet or lying and covering up for him to my kids/family.
I would suggest you try alanon.
His recovery is up to him.
There is nothing for you to talk to him about.
He can either do it...or not.
all the talk in the world won't change him from being an A.....but treatment can.
TREATMENT....not just "i won't drink for 3 mos"....actual meetings and working a program is the only way to recovery.
that he's manipulating you?
That he's going to continue to drink whether it be in front of you or lie about it behind your back...until HE decides he has a problem....and he ain't there yet.
You spent 5 days babying his candyA$$ for what? You know he's going to drink...the first excuse he can find.
Maybe I'm a cynic but I've been there and it SUCKS!
besides...
negotiating sobriety is not the way it works. He is either an A or not. he either can control his drinking or NOT...
he doesn't get to say...oh I'll be good for 3 mos just to shut her up then I can drink as much as I want.
I'm just warning you now...this guy is no where near ready to accept he has a problem and moderating the alcohol may work for a little while ...but he WILL go back to being a full blown out of control A....and quickly and all you'll have to show for that time is you'll be 3 mos older, have alot of stress and worry..and you'll be kicking yourself for believing in him.
My A likes to say "I went to AA for you but stayed for me". I always counter with.."no, you went because you wanted to continue being married and having access to your kids"
LOL...
true...but i took the hard line...he went to treatment or me and the kids were GONE. He had 24 hours to find a meeting and go...he didn't. I grabbed a hefty bag and said..get your sh#% and get out. He asked for another chance...he promised he would go...and he did. He is now 18mos in recovery with NO slips, as to me...I will not accept the unacceptable so if he can't handle being sober he can be alone.
Is it easy...NOPE. He's still an a##hole most of the time.
He's super selfish and thinks the world hinges on his every whim and thought...
very much still in the A thinking...
but at least I'm not worried for my safety, I'm not cleaning up pee from the carpet or lying and covering up for him to my kids/family.
I would suggest you try alanon.
His recovery is up to him.
There is nothing for you to talk to him about.
He can either do it...or not.
all the talk in the world won't change him from being an A.....but treatment can.
TREATMENT....not just "i won't drink for 3 mos"....actual meetings and working a program is the only way to recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: ny
Posts: 13
Blwninthewind
thank you for your post and I really took in what you had to say, we will see I maybe just wasting my time.
Nodaybut2day
short post but its says everything Thank you
I do need to really look at what I want for me..
thank you for your post and I really took in what you had to say, we will see I maybe just wasting my time.
Nodaybut2day
short post but its says everything Thank you
I do need to really look at what I want for me..
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