I called the police last night.....feel paralyzed today
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
are you dating my xABF?
ok, i just read all of your threads. i have a few ideas, having had a similar layabout, drinking, lying, lazy, violent, threatening, tantrum-throwing, cheating, accusing, possessive boyfriend.
this is what i will call "the starve him out of the house" strategy. it will cause you a bit of short-term hassle but is well worth the sacrifice. the actions below are to be done with no announcement. simply done quietly and steadily.
our goal? get him to leave voluntarily as his needs are no longer met by you.
1. cell phone: cancel the policy entirely or ask if you can put it on hold. this way, his cell phone bill is not your problem anymore. buy yourself a pay as you go mobile at the CVS, which you top up. i understand that you might have to pay a cancelation fee. well worth it. he will then take to calling you, ringing you once and hanging up, so that you call him back and pay for the call. do not call back when he does this.
2. laundry: do not do any of his laundry. leave it.
3. food: stop buying any and all food he likes. buy things he doesn't like. mine was a meat and potato man, so i switched to eating fish, fruits and vegetable. mine liked obsessive amounts of tea with sugar and milk. i started drinking only herbal tea with honey. mine too drank a lot of milk when dehydrated. i bought soy milk instead. etc.
4. razors, shaving gel, socks, underwear: don't buy any.
5. cable tv: turn it off. i know the kids won't like that, but it's only temporary until he voluntarily leaves. you can merely say you can't afford it anymore.
6. sex: starve him of sex. this will force him to go and try to find sex somewhere else. with the likes of our "winners", there is some chance he will move in with her, as then he can freeload off of her.
7. money: give him none. zero.
8. computer: password secure your computer so only you can use it.
8. help: give him no help with anything. he needs help getting car insurance? not your problem. could you look such and such up? nope. he needs a lift because he has no gas? can't do it.
9. leftovers: try to feed the children whilst he is sleeping. all leftovers can be frozen immediately or fed to the new puppy.
10. vaccuming: vaccuming is to be done during the day while he tries to sleep.
11. his car: in all liklihood, he is still over the limit the next day from the night before. i know mine was. if this is the case, you can untwist one of his rear lights, so that he gets pulled over by the cops.
now, regarding the house. i understand he paid for half of it. i understand that your house is paid in full and you also have a bankruptcy from the past.
it took me a very, very long time to realize that the only thing that lit a fire under my xABF was money, so he could drink more. you can count on this.
even though you have a bankruptcy, it is likely possible to get at the equity in your home because the loan is backed by an asset. i understand you financed a little bit already for some rennovations...is it possible to increase that line of credit? get an equity backed line of credit? get a mortgage?
if so, then you can buy him out and get his name off the deed. by this time, he will want to go because none of his needs are being met by you.
ok, i just read all of your threads. i have a few ideas, having had a similar layabout, drinking, lying, lazy, violent, threatening, tantrum-throwing, cheating, accusing, possessive boyfriend.
this is what i will call "the starve him out of the house" strategy. it will cause you a bit of short-term hassle but is well worth the sacrifice. the actions below are to be done with no announcement. simply done quietly and steadily.
our goal? get him to leave voluntarily as his needs are no longer met by you.
1. cell phone: cancel the policy entirely or ask if you can put it on hold. this way, his cell phone bill is not your problem anymore. buy yourself a pay as you go mobile at the CVS, which you top up. i understand that you might have to pay a cancelation fee. well worth it. he will then take to calling you, ringing you once and hanging up, so that you call him back and pay for the call. do not call back when he does this.
2. laundry: do not do any of his laundry. leave it.
3. food: stop buying any and all food he likes. buy things he doesn't like. mine was a meat and potato man, so i switched to eating fish, fruits and vegetable. mine liked obsessive amounts of tea with sugar and milk. i started drinking only herbal tea with honey. mine too drank a lot of milk when dehydrated. i bought soy milk instead. etc.
4. razors, shaving gel, socks, underwear: don't buy any.
5. cable tv: turn it off. i know the kids won't like that, but it's only temporary until he voluntarily leaves. you can merely say you can't afford it anymore.
6. sex: starve him of sex. this will force him to go and try to find sex somewhere else. with the likes of our "winners", there is some chance he will move in with her, as then he can freeload off of her.
7. money: give him none. zero.
8. computer: password secure your computer so only you can use it.
8. help: give him no help with anything. he needs help getting car insurance? not your problem. could you look such and such up? nope. he needs a lift because he has no gas? can't do it.
9. leftovers: try to feed the children whilst he is sleeping. all leftovers can be frozen immediately or fed to the new puppy.
10. vaccuming: vaccuming is to be done during the day while he tries to sleep.
11. his car: in all liklihood, he is still over the limit the next day from the night before. i know mine was. if this is the case, you can untwist one of his rear lights, so that he gets pulled over by the cops.
now, regarding the house. i understand he paid for half of it. i understand that your house is paid in full and you also have a bankruptcy from the past.
it took me a very, very long time to realize that the only thing that lit a fire under my xABF was money, so he could drink more. you can count on this.
even though you have a bankruptcy, it is likely possible to get at the equity in your home because the loan is backed by an asset. i understand you financed a little bit already for some rennovations...is it possible to increase that line of credit? get an equity backed line of credit? get a mortgage?
if so, then you can buy him out and get his name off the deed. by this time, he will want to go because none of his needs are being met by you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by naive 
9. leftovers: try to feed the children whilst he is sleeping. all leftovers can be frozen immediately or fed to the new puppy.
10. vaccuming: vaccuming is to be done during the day while he tries to sleep.
10. vaccuming: vaccuming is to be done during the day while he tries to sleep.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
witharealwinner-
it took me such a long time to really understand his true nature. yours is showing you now. i remember in my crazy delusional mind thinking "if i have nothing, he can't take anything from me". well, soon enough, i had nothing. now he will leave me alone, i told myself.
i remember when i moved into the homeless apartment, i said to him "i have nothing now. there is nothing left for you to take."
and he said "not true. you have an apartment and you have a body"
that's the mindset.
you can take action. i know you are tired. believe me, i know. but if i can get out, so can you.
we are with you all the way. lean on us. there is a solution. keep writing, we will figure it out together. that's what i did. it worked.
naive
it took me such a long time to really understand his true nature. yours is showing you now. i remember in my crazy delusional mind thinking "if i have nothing, he can't take anything from me". well, soon enough, i had nothing. now he will leave me alone, i told myself.
i remember when i moved into the homeless apartment, i said to him "i have nothing now. there is nothing left for you to take."
and he said "not true. you have an apartment and you have a body"
that's the mindset.
you can take action. i know you are tired. believe me, i know. but if i can get out, so can you.
we are with you all the way. lean on us. there is a solution. keep writing, we will figure it out together. that's what i did. it worked.
naive
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