so I wrote Ah an e mail seems to be the thing this week.
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so I wrote Ah an e mail seems to be the thing this week.
since he won't talk to me or address anything and I am sure you can guess how it went over - I told him I could not live this lonely life anymore where his drinking and drugs and being selfish dominated everything- I told him I needed to take care of myself etc and I wished he could take care of himself and I wished him happiness yada yada yada. Well- I just got back a hate filled note where nothing was mentioned about drinking or drugs or the boat being his main concern but how I was this horrible user and all he has done for me and how my kids and I have done nothing but disrespect him our whole marriage ( and the dog - haha yea greyhounds are pretty disrespectful) - he is so alone and he wished he did not have to be addicted to porn but my lack of being with him has driven him to that and he wished he could cheat on me cause he would - have at it I say- . The SOB talked about finances - now mind you the whole time we have been together I have paid 75% to 90% of everything but when I was getting my business started for 4 months he paid more than his usual of the bills and really helped with the mortgage and I was grateful- he actually wants me to pay him cash now that I am doing well - to pay him back. WTH? I told him hell to the no......Ain't gonna happen - I am so pissed off and I am not sure why- I guess to have him not acknowledge any wrong doing on his part at all with this marriage - he actually told me if I tried harder to be a better wife things would be ok- to hve him totally ignore the real issue here of addiction - but I know that is typical of addicts. Why am I pissed - I could spit........ What a *******! I want out.
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If a Greyhound is anything in life disrespectful is not one of them - that made me crack up! But I am not ashamed to admit the doubt is settling in..........I know it is what I need to do - know without question - I look back at my posts from years ago and nothing is different - he just told me without addressing his own addictions that nothing will ever be good enough for me and started in on me because he knows my self esteem is ****. I dont know how to know I am doing the right thing. This is not the first time Ihave been done with him but nothing changes. What is it gonna take Susan- OMG I suck.
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Originally Posted by Redheadsusie 
What is it gonna take Susan.
You deserve respect. You deserve love. You deserve true partnership. And he ain't it, nor will he ever be.
So, what do you want to do?
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Hell if I know -I obviously have issues of abandonment and not wanting to be alone - afraid of it - he has told me nobody will want me and I know it is a loan of poop but it seems to have impacted by sub conscious or I would not be tolerating such crap. He is not a partner, he does not respect me or really love me and this is who he is. PERIOD! Thank you!
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Ugh. I feel your frustration. At one time it was very important to me that my AH accept responsibility for what had happened in our marriage. He resorted to all the classic alcoholic moves- I was the reason he drank, I treated him like s***, I drove him to have an emotional affair, if I had been nicer he would not have drank so much"...Its like they have a script. I found that my AH could talk about finances or the kids but rarely about himself or his drinking. I found that if I need to call I have an agenda and do not ask him questions. Sometimes he just starts to share stuff and I try not to react. It is difficult for them to have a conversation in which they might have to hear what their drinking is doing to us or family.
My AH does not have a problem when I've needed him to pay for a house issue but then again I have been able to pay all my bills w/o his help. He recently said "We never had a problem with money. I made it and you spent it." I laughed because of how wrong that statement was.
My AH also told me I was going to die alone because I will have pushed everyone away. When I moved out and lived alone for the first time in my life I realized how scary that was for me. Guess what. I have close friends, family and my kids who I see on a regular basis. He has lost touch with all our mutual friends, family, and his kids. He lives in an apartment with his bottles of vodka.
Stay strong. If you have made your decision don't give into the doubts or times you feel alone. Reach out to friends, AL Anon or this board.
My AH does not have a problem when I've needed him to pay for a house issue but then again I have been able to pay all my bills w/o his help. He recently said "We never had a problem with money. I made it and you spent it." I laughed because of how wrong that statement was.
My AH also told me I was going to die alone because I will have pushed everyone away. When I moved out and lived alone for the first time in my life I realized how scary that was for me. Guess what. I have close friends, family and my kids who I see on a regular basis. He has lost touch with all our mutual friends, family, and his kids. He lives in an apartment with his bottles of vodka.
Stay strong. If you have made your decision don't give into the doubts or times you feel alone. Reach out to friends, AL Anon or this board.
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak
Susie, when you are done with him I need somebody to pay 70 to 90 percent of my bills. If I have to drink excessively to get you to do it I'm willing to take that bullet.
Cyranoak
Cyranoak
It's just so crazy that we see nothing wrong with this scenerio while we are in it...
If one of our best friends came and said "i'm paying all the bills, all he does is b$%^& and moan, won't help w/ the kids or house...." we would openly ask them if they'd lost their minds...
add in the added BONUS of alcoholism with all the lovely little characteristics that come with it such as "losing" the car (as in no idea where they left it), peeing on the carpet, being violent, throwing furniture, thowing temper tantrums and of course my favorite..."it's ALL about me or King baby syndrome.....
we would question their sanity....but we put up with it everyday.
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You guys made me smile and you are awesome! Thanks for helping me not lost my mind! Today I told him we need to get away from one another and he is just flat out pissed - I guess he is realizing this gravy train is pulling out of the station. He told me all of the usual horrible stuff - but being a codie I am back pedaling a litttle - what if I am ungrateful for his help - be it teeny weenie- what if I am a B - what if what if what if. My sons are keeping me in check and my therapist appt is upcoming. I just need to not talk to him- it is like talking to a wall- a mean angry stupid selfish wall. 
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