Using his child for manipulation

Old 02-20-2012, 10:11 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Using his child for manipulation

exabf has recently been having some doozie binges. I haven't been talking to him so I know through others, and texts sent from the phone I didn't block.

He sent flowers on Valentines day. Somehow in his head he thought that would make me forget about the hell I went through while living with him and having to cancel our wedding, quit my job, and move 5 hours away to my parents house last April. Oh, the power of roses.

So last week I got a call, from his brother's phone. He was telling me that he is bringing his son up for the weekend (his parent's live in my current town). He wanted us to do something together. I also got a text from child's mother saying that he was excited to see me and my daughter (He lived with us most of last year until I left). Being around me and my daughter was the most "normal" time of his life, and I had alot of guilt about leaving him behind. His mom worked long hours and he was with us most of the time. When his dad would go on binges I took him out of the situation and since I have been gone he has been passed around from multiple babysitters to alcoholic dad with not much structure or routine anywhere. I have sent cards and packages and spent time when he was here with his grandma (and not dad) a few months ago and once this summer after ex had just gotten back from rehab my daughter and I went horseback riding and swimming with them.

Time showed what reality was. He wasn't going to make a real or lasting change. Angry texts, drunk calls, manipulation games, he got a job in the state where I live (which he was fired from) and there is no reason to believe that things will get better, based on his current choices.

So I sent a message that I would love to see his son, especially since others have told him I would, but I do not want to see him or talk to him right now. I would get B from ex's mother and return him to her. I am living with my parents and they are not trying to be unkind, but stated that they don't want B at their home because they don't want ex to show up there. He has called their home in the middle of the night and left drunk messages and I don't blame them at all for that rule.

I got B from his grandma on Saturday. He, me, my daughter and her school friend went to lunch, bowling, the park, and shopping. I bought him a game for his DS. We really did have a nice time. My daughter worries about him, It was a good day. While we were at the park, ex called and said that his mom couldn't pick up b because she had plans and he would. I told him "NO" and that I would meet his mom at the designated place at 5:30.

She was there at 5:30, she had no idea that he called or tried to make another arrangement.

Saturday night came angry texts, asking why I had to give him back at 5:30, did I have a date? Crazy texts that actually came from b's phone until about midnight, all unanswered.

Sunday morning at 8am there was a text saying that B wanted to go to church with us. I ignored that text. A few more and then I blocked b's number too.

They will be in town until tomorrow morning. I will be so relieved when they are gone. I'm sure, as threatened he is telling B that we don't want to see him, but I don't know if there is anything I can do about that.

By the way I had blocked him from my FB account and everyone in my family. The roses he sent, I gave to my BFF Mary. I forgot that she had never deleted him. She took a pic and posted it to her FB and he found out I gave them away. I wish I could feel bad about that, but I just find it :rotfxko
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Old 02-20-2012, 10:48 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
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boundaries suck when they envolve little ones...but you need to keep moving forward and keeping the boundaries ....YOU have to do what you have to do...
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Old 02-20-2012, 12:12 PM
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You're doing the best you can in the face of a manipulative tornado. *hugs* I'm so sorry for B, but I am glad that he got to spend time with you. If you keep reaching out to him, he will know, as he becomes an adult, who was truly there for him.
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Old 02-23-2012, 02:44 PM
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Thanks. So relieved that he has gone back south. I'm enjoying the peace.
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Old 02-23-2012, 03:17 PM
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i am pleased you are too and stuck by your boundaries, sounds like you gave the little one a lovely time too but you cant let someone get to you through them.
i am still in touch with exabf due to our DD but wish i didnt have to be, keeping discussion to her needs which he sees as me getting at him and still being a control freak but his perception and choice!
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Old 02-23-2012, 03:29 PM
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Manipulative (%^$.

Good for you for sticking to your guns.
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