herewegoagain1

Chronsweet, YES you are right! See he has been on pills (opiates) for 2 yrs. I just found out in Jan of this year. So much has happened since then tho. You know he has broke out on his hands and arms in little bitty water filled blisters and they itch. He has sensitive skin and normally the sun will break him out but not like this. His sleeping however is weird. He does sleep still just at odd hours. I bet it is heroin considering the use of opiates in pill form prior. He does come in sometimes in the middle of the night humming and singing acting a fool, I just figured he had been drinking. I stay in bed, he sleeps on couch. But see I never thought heroin bc he is terrified of needles but now that you say you can smoke it or snort it it all makes sense now. I bet that joint I found was laced with heroin too. I also bet that is why he was so calm and laid back during our big fight the other day as well. Mercy thank you so much! He told me when I accused him of being on crack to drug test him that all i would find was the pills. HMMMM yes bc heroin is an opiate but I think it shows up differently on a drug test. Crazy to think just 3 years ago we were on stage doing christian dramas and praising God now here we are dealing with an addiction AGAIN! I have offered to help him but I am to the point now that my help is nothing and I cant help. He has to do all the work.

Again thank you sooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope and pray you get yourself out of your situation too! I have started having anxiety and panic again myself and it is no way to live, especially, if you dont hv too! Good luck to you and i will keep you in prayers.

chronsweet

Simple drug tests will just show up as opiates. You need a more expensive test to actually target the heroin. And you'd be amazed at the people who 'don't like needles' who start using them. Be careful because IF he is using them, you want to stay as far away from him as possible regarding intimacy and getting his bodily fluids on your children and what not. I would have him test for HIV if he ever gets clean before ever considering sleeping with him or use protection.

My ABF doesn't do that stuff anymore, thank goodness, he actually slipped and did it like 6 weeks ago and I could tell he was on it RIGHT AWAY. I always thought that H would make you really lethargic and it doesn't once addicted. It will when coming down, but now while high. My ABF would be cleaning the house, wanting to go out and about, play video games all night long. And yes, it does make sleeping hours odd. Mine would stay up all night and sleep all day until I came home from work.

Also, his mom knew he did the stuff and got him some suboxone to detox. He would take those pills and trade it for the H. Suboxone eventually got my ABF clean when he realized I was going to leave right before we had our baby if he didn't quit. Unfortunately he just became an alcoholic instead.

I am confident this time I am out. My love for him is gone. I have no pity for him, and I will not allow him to teach my son anymore of this effed up addictive behavior. For now, I try to play it as cool as possible, try to argue as little as I can manage without bringing up the drink. I actually tried talking to him sober yesterday about getting some help and telling him I was worried and he immediately became irritated, so I just backed off. He then mocked me when I went on SR to vent and let off steam by saying, "Oooo poor me, boohoo." I ignored him. We sleep separately most of the time.

Thanks for your support. Please get your children out. Maybe we can make it out at the same time and offer each other some support!

It sounds like we have men with alot of the same personalities and problems. They are just addicts, pure and simple, will basically do anything and everything. My ABF claims he has tried every drug known to man, and I believe him.

chronsweet

I doubt also the joint was laced with weed. It is smoked on aluminum foil and a straw is used. They light it from underneath and suck up the smoke coming off. Ever find any foil with black marks on it or notice him going for some foil? That is how I knew when my ABF relapsed 6 weeks ago. He went for the foil and I was like WTH, and looked at his little itty bitty eyes and noticed him acting all goofy and immediately knew what was up. I made him give me what he had left but of course knew he hadn't because he was high all freaking weekend. Thank god he hasn't done it again.

herewegoagain1

Chronsweet! I am sorry to hear what you too are going through. It is Hell and having kids in the mix makes it so much worse. It is hard to be strong and not end up a codependent as I think we all have experienced bc the addict lifestyle is all we know. I was numb for the longest but not anymore. My oldest daughter tries to pay me not to argue, begs me to just be quite and that he will learn his lesson on his own. Im not sure if she realized he is on drugs or not, but at almost 10 their pretty smart. My little one who is 2 saw me break down and crying last fight we had. Later that day in the car as I was getting her out of her carseat she said "momma cried" I said yes baby but momma is ok. She said " momma I so sorry" repeatedly I about broke into tears. A 2 yr old (25 mths) tells me this. I had to reassure her its ok that she makes me sooooo happy. Im sure you can relate to the complete heart breaking turmoil and emptiness. I feel so lost. I have no where to go, so government housing is my only choice. My family doesnt offer to take in us and if they do they later act hesitate. My oldest suffers from high anxiety too. Its bad here. We dont see the AH/Adad much but when we do it is so stressful. I pray you and I both can and will get through this stronger women and teach our children real safety, confidence, stability, trust, and love.

And girl, yes, I need allllll the support I can get. I called a clinic for the AH back Feb made him an apt they were going to put him on suboxone as well he kept putting it off now here we are. :/ I am so ready for a sober home.

As for sex I havent in months and months not sure why I havent I just cant when I know he is high. Probably a good thing, huh. I will ck his arms today too. He wears shortsleeves so I doubt he is shooting up but like you said never know.

Thank you so much for your support. Im not sure how us women put up with so much but we will come out stronger, wiser, and more thankful for the simple things in life such as peace.

herewegoagain1

BIG SIGH! I wish I could express how badly I HATE feeling/being a codependent to my AH. Why do we do this to ourselves? He seeks drugs and I seek pain it seems. Crazy messed up cycle of crap! On a brighter side I got a job! So that is encouraging. However, I find myself with such immense guilt the closer I get to being able to leave. Im not sure why bc he is NEVER home he only comes here to sleep literally. Its so stupid bc if he does one tiny act of kindness I feel guilt. I hate that! Heck, he is always high on something. I am so angry. If I need him for with the girls (which is once a mth) his response is well what are you planning on doing when you leave me. Really?!!!! These are his kids not pawns in a game of chess! I think making a list of daily events that he does or has done will keep me focused on why I am leaving. Like today he leaves at 12 going to work, hmm 12 hrs later not home. I told him when I leave I will get a court order for supervised visitation. That night I laid in bed thinking how stupid was that of me to keep giving him the advantage of being one step ahead of me, not to mention I was kinda afraid what he may do lose your kids and wife as an addict that may make him violent at the thought. I dnt think he would ever hurt me but the uncertainty with addicts is always there. My daughter even said Momma Im afraid you or daddy will hurt each other! Oh my goodness, what a life for a child. I do see the kaos and the unstability of our home but yet I KNOW I dont see it as bad as it is bc I hv adjusted to it and become numb. I dnt want to be numb. I want to be proactive and get the heck outta here! I will be saving and hope to be gone within a mth!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry to vent but geeeezzzz

herewegoagain1

Well I havent moved yet. Husband is in treatment, tomrw marks 1 week of sobriety if thats what you want to call it. I am feeling very mixed emotions at this point. #1 to me methadone for treatment is somewhat trading one drug for another. I am beginning to wonder if this will be a longggggg methadone treatment. I still want to move but now feel like what kind of person leaves when the addict is seeking help. However like I said I am not quite sure I feel like this is help. I feel like the clinic is easy access to a drug legally. Is this wrong of me to think? My husband is very ill tempered or should I say irritable. I also see bad OCD tendencies he has never had. He is just all out jumpy, wired, tired, then sick, happy, then mean, easily set off. etc..... How long does this last? I am just so confused. I helped him into treatment but now I feel like maybe this wasnt such a good idea. He also acts like well he is in treatment now so life should go back to the way it was. Like I should be there with loving open arms. wtcrap. He destroyed our marriage with drugs again in the last 2 yrs. I cant be super wife all loving and involved. I want him better but still not sure I even want to attempt to make our marriage work. Is this normal of me? I feel mean that I just cant let myself get attached. I dont know what to do or think now. Here he is getting help and I am still having to deal with what he done and now him getting help and being a mess. I really do want him to be successful but I am afraid my resentment may interfer.

EnglishGarden

He is getting help for the physical dependence on the drug, which is one-third of the problem. The other two-thirds are mental and spiritual. He will not be able to be a loving husband who can grow with you while he is on methadone maintenance, as only part of the disease is addressed.

This is such a tough situation for you, so hard. Some heroin addicts just cannot be treated any other way except with lifelong methadone maintenance. The methadone removes the cravings but does nothing to heal the spirit of the man nor restore his ability to reason and reflect in a healthy way. And relationship between two people requires they both be of healthy mind and soul. It is no wonder you are so lonely.

I hope others will have useful advice for you. Just try not to isolate....with support you will find your way.

EnglishGarden

Also...just read your posts of April:

methadone is not for crack addiction, as far as I know, so has his DOC been identified then as heroin and he has not been using crack?

Cocaine addiction does not create a physical dependency like opiate addiction, thus the methadone to treat the physical dependency to opiates would not address a crack problem.