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SUPER CONFUSSED on this today!

Old 02-19-2012, 02:26 PM
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SUPER CONFUSSED on this today!

Last year xah, goes to rehab for 28 days

Packs up within 3 weeks and moves across the state

Drinks like a fish for another year, a very thirsty fish

Have been divorced for a year now, Lost his job

Recently entered a 90 day rehab

He's 30 days sober & he is back with phone calls

He is calling from a unavailable number, so I cant block it
Do I answer his calls?..... NO, I DO NOT!!!!

Dont they teach them to take care of themselves and leave
their family and x family members alone????????

What the hell'o is with the continous phone calls

Is this part of his "denial" stage?

Dont these rehab centers, explain this crap to them??

I just dont get it today...
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Old 02-19-2012, 02:49 PM
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Since my last post. He called again!!!!!!!!!

And he called one of my kids!!!!!!!!!! (A BIG FREAKING NO NO *this is when I blew a gasket!!!!!!!!!!)

I took his call and told him to listen up!!!

"If you call me or one of my kids one more time, I will change everyones numbers"

He said, "why are you so angry, I didnt do nothing to you or the kids"

Me:"Listen up dude, alcoholics take hostages and we are not yours anymore. My kids have and I have suffered long enough, leave us alone"

Him: "HA HA, What do you mean hostages, I just worry about you guys all of the time"

Me: "Ask your counselor about hostages!"

Him: "Thanks for all of your support, you know all of these other people here, their families come to visit them all of the time and call each other, I think its pretty neat, too bad your not like them, I pray for you everyday"

Me: "Glad to hear there is nice people in this world"

Him: "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Me: "None of your business, take care of you and quit calling me"

Here I sit with "ANGER" spewing out of my mouth!!

Pouding the crap out of my keyboard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 02-19-2012, 02:51 PM
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Bobby,

I dont know anything about rehab, but I do know about crazies, will it be a huge deal to get a new number, or have the phone company block it at their end (I would think you could file a harassment complaint).

Big hugs,

Bill
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Old 02-19-2012, 03:03 PM
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On my phone, I can make different ring tones for different numbers. I have all 800 and 877 numbers set to silent. That keeps me from even knowing when they call until I go through my messages. If he calls again, I would go ahead and change my phone number. How old are your children? Can they change their numbers or do you have to do that for them? In any case, I'd change all numbers so he cannot contact you. If you want the calls to stop, you are going to have to be the one to take care of it.
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Old 02-19-2012, 03:04 PM
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Maybe he's on step 9.

I doubt it.

Totally, change everyone's numbers. This is REALLY not worth the mess that it could be if he never leaves you alone again.

By the way, I like your very thirsty fish analogy. I will be stealing it for future arguments with my boyfriend.
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Old 02-19-2012, 04:42 PM
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With my phone service, I can block calls from "unavailable" numbers.....

Sorry to hear he's in such denial. I hope you can just avoid his calls in the future!
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Old 02-19-2012, 08:51 PM
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Addicts love drama....it gives them an excuse to pick up.

He may be enjoying your anger. He may be looking for any reason to drink.

I agree with the others and would get new numbers for all the family. None of you needs to bite when he throws out the bait for drama.

If he ever seriously works a program and is ready for a 9th step accounting, I think you will know it in your heart.
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:07 PM
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Originally Posted by EnglishGarden View Post
Addicts love drama....it gives them an excuse to pick up.

He may be enjoying your anger. He may be looking for any reason to drink.
ExABF did try to make me angry... & said that turned him on...
We should try to avoid the contact for our peaceful mind...
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Old 02-20-2012, 04:34 AM
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If he is at rehab you could contact them about what is going on as he might be calling from there? Just a thought.

((((hugs))))

Your friend,
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Old 02-20-2012, 07:29 AM
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Mike: Yes, I found the number on the web last night. My plan for today

Anger: WOW!...I Got it!!!

Had to re-think my anger again and had to call for help last night.

But when he brings up my son or daughters name...OMG! I see beyond red...My mind
goes crazy and anger is like no other....

Alcoholism is not the same as "sexual" fantasy's or whatever it may be, with one of my children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(This is where I want to think it was only alcohol, not a character defect)
(This is where I need to get more help)
(This is where I dont want to believe)
(This is where I want to justify)
(This is where I want to blame everything on alcoholism)

He still refuses to believe his thoughts or actions, affected either one of them

My anger runs so deep. It scares me...Getting help with it this week!
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Old 02-20-2012, 07:45 AM
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I am sure rehabs and counselors speak to clients about this crap behavior... BUT your ex clearly thinks that he is not the problem... And I think there are way more therapists who are not capable of seeing through an addicts crap than there are ones who can... My x was fed all kinds of crap by his therapist (who he was conning like he does everyone) about how my setting boundaries was controlling him... He actually believed it so he felt entitled to continue to not respect any boundary I set.

Yours sounds similar. Since mine wouldn't listen to reason, I have had to come up with solutions to protect my kids and I and it sounds like you have realized you will have to do the same.

It's too bad your ex can't get it through his head that you want him to leave you the f*** alone... Since he can't stop calling, block him or if need be, change your number... It sucks that you have to do all this bc he won't leave you alone but if you get peace in the end, then it's worth it, right?
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Old 02-20-2012, 08:22 AM
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Oh! He's at the "why don't you support me when there are people here who are so much WORSE than me and who still have the support of their families?" stage...

Mine went through that, too.

I told him basically the same thing you did: you don't have a family anymore, and don't call again.
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Old 02-20-2012, 09:13 AM
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
Oh! He's at the "why don't you support me when there are people here who are so much WORSE than me and who still have the support of their families?" stage...

Mine went through that, too.

I told him basically the same thing you did: you don't have a family anymore, and don't call again.
BobbyJ, it may come to this very sentence above. And then a restraining order.

He's harassing you. When you tell someone to stop contacting and they continue - its harassment.

Keep us posted and take care of your sanity. Don't give him the satisfaction of your energy expended on him.
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Old 02-20-2012, 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
Oh! He's at the "why don't you support me when there are people here who are so much WORSE than me and who still have the support of their families?" stage...

Mine went through that, too.

I told him basically the same thing you did: you don't have a family anymore, and don't call again.
Mine told me about murderers on death row who still got visits from their girlfriends.
How sick is that? Comparing himself to a murderer on death row. Made me wonder if he'd ever killed anyone in a drunken rage and just never got caught.

It's not you, it's him. Relax. Deep breaths.
My phone service would allow me to block unavailable/blocked numbers, for an extra $5 per month. (They called it "parental controls"). The charge was per line, but I paid it while XABF was in rehab because it was worth it, since the rehab phones were all unavailable numbers, and he was only there for three weeks.
Changing phone numbers is also a valid option. I finally changed mine several months ago and it felt like I lost a thousand pounds of dead weight and worry.
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