This is About Me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast
Posts: 1,068
Originally Posted by mattmathews 
If you're in a program, and you're still focusing on the alcoholic, instead of on yourself, then maybe one of the things you could turn your attention to is "detachment." I can't remember her exact words, but one of the things I got from Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More" was the concept that we must detach. We may not do it right, we may not do it with love, but we must detach.
We call Al-Anon a "recovery" program, but I believe that it's much more than that. It's a program of spiritual growth. The title of this thread is "This is About Me," and that really hits the nail on the head. This program really is all about you. Your life, your happiness, your serenity, your growth.
In my case, I made my alcoholic wife my higher power. If she told me there was something wrong with me, I believed her...even though she was the one that was sick. If she was angry with me I felt horrible. I wasn't active in our relationship, I was re-active. Learning to detach was the best first thing that happened in my program.
I wish I could give you a roadmap or instructions on how to accomplish "detachment." But I don't think it works that way. Prayer/meditation seemed to help. Al-Anon meetings. Becoming aware of the problem. Learning to set boundaries (however imperfectly), learning it was OK to have boundaries (I didn't know you could be married and do that). Therapy.
We're told that we shouldn't give advice, that we should just share what worked for us. Right? But if I were you, I'd make a new poster...with positive affirmations for you, and I'd slap it up on the wall, right on top of that poster you made for him.
We call Al-Anon a "recovery" program, but I believe that it's much more than that. It's a program of spiritual growth. The title of this thread is "This is About Me," and that really hits the nail on the head. This program really is all about you. Your life, your happiness, your serenity, your growth.
In my case, I made my alcoholic wife my higher power. If she told me there was something wrong with me, I believed her...even though she was the one that was sick. If she was angry with me I felt horrible. I wasn't active in our relationship, I was re-active. Learning to detach was the best first thing that happened in my program.
I wish I could give you a roadmap or instructions on how to accomplish "detachment." But I don't think it works that way. Prayer/meditation seemed to help. Al-Anon meetings. Becoming aware of the problem. Learning to set boundaries (however imperfectly), learning it was OK to have boundaries (I didn't know you could be married and do that). Therapy.
We're told that we shouldn't give advice, that we should just share what worked for us. Right? But if I were you, I'd make a new poster...with positive affirmations for you, and I'd slap it up on the wall, right on top of that poster you made for him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast
Posts: 1,068
Originally Posted by hydrogirl
Journaling has helped me through a lot of really rough patches, too. Getting the grief and anger out in big, bold, angry letters really helps!
Mr. HG and I would find ourself constantly talking about his son, and we began to refer to this as "topic number 1". So, when we found ourselves going over the same "topic" again in conversation, one of us would stop, make it clear we were done with this "topic" for now, and move on to something else.
Getting involved in my own life, too, has helped.....it's quite full and busy if I just take the time to pay attention to it!
Hugs, HG
Mr. HG and I would find ourself constantly talking about his son, and we began to refer to this as "topic number 1". So, when we found ourselves going over the same "topic" again in conversation, one of us would stop, make it clear we were done with this "topic" for now, and move on to something else.
Getting involved in my own life, too, has helped.....it's quite full and busy if I just take the time to pay attention to it!
Hugs, HG
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
seek, I know several introverts, and only one of them hit bottom so hard they were compelled to reach out for help (my RAD). I respect your effort more than I can express; I've seen how difficult it is for introverts to open up.
I mentioned volunteering once before, and swear I'm not repeating that for me
There's teaching kids to read, animal shelters, meals on wheels, etc. So many options - hands on or administrative - and one of them would suit your personality, education and skills.
Several years ago, I heard a saying: Find a story big enough to save your life.
There's a story out there for you. Please keep reaching outside of your comfort zone. Your openness and honesty in this thread is freeing you, one moment at a time
I mentioned volunteering once before, and swear I'm not repeating that for me
There's teaching kids to read, animal shelters, meals on wheels, etc. So many options - hands on or administrative - and one of them would suit your personality, education and skills.
Several years ago, I heard a saying: Find a story big enough to save your life.
There's a story out there for you. Please keep reaching outside of your comfort zone. Your openness and honesty in this thread is freeing you, one moment at a time
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
